KathyG Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 I didn't feel like putting up any Christmas decorations this year. But my sister is coming to spend the holidays with me. Though she says she doesn't care about decorating or celebrating (she just wants to be there to help me however she can), she knew Bill and I used to have fun decorating a big, elaborate Christmas tree together every year and she told me, "Wait till I get there and we'll put the tree up together."I didn't want to do that. Right now, I don't have the energy to spend hours hauling out all the decorations, assemble the tree, untangle the lights, string garlands, etc. etc. And as much as I love my sister, decorating a big tree would trigger good memories of past years with Bill - but along with those memories would come deeper anguish than I'm already suffering.So yesterday, I bought a little 4-foot aluminum tree, prewired with lights, took it out of the box and set it up. I didn't add any ornaments except for a silver filigree star I had bought earlier this year (thinking we'd put it atop the usual big spruce). Looking at the little tree, I thought, "Hmmf. Pretty pathetic." And then I turned on the tree lights. I don't know; there was something so pure and calming and peaceful about the white lights and silver shimmering branches. The longer I looked at the tree, the more I began to like it. It didn't cost much, isn't ornate and splashy, doesn't have any pretensions of being elegant - it just stands there and pours out as much brightness as its tiny lights can produce. And I realized I can be like that little tree: losing Bill has torn away my happiness and a large part of my life and identity. But with God's help, I can stand up straight and strong, be lifted in spirit and give back as much light as I have in me. It may not be much, but it will be the best I can do right now. Maybe next year I'll decorate the big spruce again. Maybe (almost certainly) I won't be back to "normal" by then. But I hope I'll have grown and will be casting a brighter light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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