Gail_R Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 It's 11 months today that Bruce passed away. I cann't believe that he is gone that long how I miss him. I've been trying to keep myself busy..but all I think think about is how cheated we have been. It's just 5 day's till Christmas and I miss him soooo much I don't know how I will get through this without him. Why the HELL did this have to happen to us WHY WHY WHY. I am so tired but I cann't sleep. If anyone would like to know what I would like for christmas well here it is all I what is for Bruce to here with me. There are some day's that are not to bad I can get through the day with maybe crying just a few times and there are day's like today like I could curl up and go to sleep and never wake back up. You see all the people out christmas shopping with their other halves...going to christmas parties and we just sit home and fell like s*** and watch the world go by. Sorry everyone I'm just feeling very sorry for myself tonight. Myabe things will look better tomorrow. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Gail, all of us are feeling this way right now, we know how you feel. Its just not fair and so hard to accept. I don't have any great words of comfort, I'm still struggling also and its 2 years for me. Try to take care of yourself and rest because thats what we need most to deal with the grief during the holidays. Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 You know, Gail, I believe you're doing everything you can to make it through the next little bit of time....I am, too, and it's been over two years. But this time is hard. I've been donating my time to the local food bank giving out presents to seniors and families and that has been so wonderful to me. It's something I want to continue....giving helps me feel better, and I know my Jack is proud of me doing things we both could have done together. Doing this and trying very hard to have a good attitude is what helps me. Hang in there, Gail, you make it fine. You know, I don't sleep much either...part of this program and part of my age, I think.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Deborah I know what you mean about getting sleep..it just does not happen these last few day's.Sleep god how I wish that I could have a good nights sleep. Thanks for your reply it help to know that everyone is out there looking out for each other. gailThanks Karen but it is so hard. I know that Bruce would want me to be happy or at lest try to go on without him but it is not that easy. He was my first and only love. How can things be so hard? I don't know how to keep living without him...does it ever get any easier? Thanks again. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Gail, I know it's hard, really hard, missing that wonderful person we love so much. After the life I had, Jack was the only one that made me feel like a wonderful person...such a loving and giving man. I miss him terribly and that hole in my heart is beginning to heal and it's been over two years. It really does take whatever time it takes for each of us. You just have to hang in there and know that life really does go on. We just have these big "sighs" as we go along. It gets better, my friend, it gets better.Hang in there, Gail.....Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 KAREN you are so much of support to all of us .Does it realy get better my friend? I also feel so tired and miss him soo much .Holidays are hard and going on is hard.My son told me today ,<oh my sweet mamy what can I do for you? and then he replied to his own qwestion.<just be as you are mom but please be with us.TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Teny I know that it's hard and I think that this time of the year makes things even harder. For me it was 11 months yesterday that my beloved Bruce passed away. I try to be strong for my kids but someday's it is very hard. There are day's that I would just like to curl up in my bed and just sleep the days away...but like everyone on this site we get up and make ourselves do the things that need to be done. Thanks to everyone that posted your kind works help me more then you know. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Teny, Your son must be very special. "Just be as you are, mom, but please be with us." Those are wonderful words and he sounds like a very loving and compassionate son. Children are such a blessing. You hang in there...the holidays are almost over and you'll be fine. Just give lots of hugs and put a little smile on that face.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 22, 2007 Report Share Posted December 22, 2007 Gail, I still don't get enough sleep and most of the time sleep in my recliner. However, look at it this way, you have almost all of the "firsts" survived! I know it's hard, Hon, but you're getting through this. I wish I could make you feel better.KayC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2007 Kay you are so right get through christmas and then new years and then on jan20th will one year that Bruce is gone. How does time fly so fast and so slow all at the sametime. Then in May will be the birth of our first grandchild. Mike my son and his wife Mel found out today what the sex of the baby is but we were told that we had to wait till Christmas morning to find out if it is a boy or a girl...me I don't care one way or the other as long as the baby is healthy. Sowith that said I will let everyone know on Christmas morning if it's a grandaughter or a granson. So guy's thanks again for being here for me without everyone here I don't think that I would have got through these last months. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 22, 2007 Report Share Posted December 22, 2007 Gail, Bless your heart and have a peaceful night and, hopefully, a good night's sleep.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2007 Karen thanks. Could you answer a question for me how can one be happy on one hand and be so sad on the other. Having this new grandbaby on the way makes me sooo happy and then I think about Bruce and all the things he will be missing and the tears come. This is one rollercoaster ride I did not ask to be on but I am and I will ride it the best that I can. Sleep is something that comes but never last long enough. Tired all the time...as my kids would say I get up at the crack of stupid. Karen it is so nice to have you as my friend here on the site. Bless you and hope that your day is a good one. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieO Posted December 22, 2007 Report Share Posted December 22, 2007 Gail,I just wanted to tell you I am happy you are "expecting" your first grandchild. The other day a friend was looking at pictures I have from my parent's memorial, all of them are of my parents and their 4 grandchildren. My friend got teary and said "in every single picture you can see on their faces, how much they loved their grandchildren and how much joy they brought to their lives"I wish this for you too. Oh and I had to laugh out loud at your "crack of stupid" saying. I get up soooo early, my family always talks about how I get up before the crack of dawn...now I can correct them and use your saying!I hope you had a restful night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2007 Thanks Annie...It is so nice to have people that understand what it is that we are going through. The new baby is something that will make these next few months a little less painful. Bruce would say that there is nothing better then a new baby. That saying that my kids say makes me laugh every time that they say it to me. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted December 22, 2007 Report Share Posted December 22, 2007 Gail I am happy for you, a blessing to be a grandmother, I have to say, I don't sleep good and the memories creep back into my mind of the last days, what complicates it is my bday was the day she was diagnosed, then Jan 29th would have been 9 years, it will go full throttle from there, march and april I don't look forward to. I ask the same question, why? why did this terrible thing ruin our happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2007 William I know how you feel. Why to bad things happen to good people. I call this the year from HELL. I cann't wait till this year is over...things have got to get better they sure can not get any worse. Be becoming a grandmother is a great blessing and one that I am looking forword too just wish that Bruce could be here to enjoy this new bundle of joy...he would have been a GREAT GRANDFATHER because he was a great dad. I hope that things look up for you in the next few months. Thanks for replying to my post. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted December 23, 2007 Report Share Posted December 23, 2007 Gail, I apologize for not posting lately, I agree, this year is going to be forgotten, it is sure hell and misery, I hope next year will be better for all of us, I am sure Bruce is looking down at his new grandchild, Its sad to think the "what ifs" if life would've continued as it was. Thank God christmas is almost over.Love, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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