Depression And Pills

[teny]

Hellow my friends Last year when grief came in ny life I did not get any medical treatment.Now my therapist gave me pills for depression.He says that Ichould start feeling better but I feel like I have a big octapus around my body squeesing me tight.Im loosing hope trying to find meaning in my life.Yiany and me were so close together that I had no friends and no social lifeI meet alot of people at work but I have to keep a non crying face.Being so confused I can not creat at my studio and realy need support and ideas. TENY

[DesertBob]

Well the first question would be how long have you been on the medication.

The second question would be, is your therapist monitoring and adjusting the dosage over time or is he just throwing pills "over the wall" and never looking at it again?

The pills should be a short term strategy to help you out of a tight spot and not normally the mainstay. Is his attitude that the medication will fix everything or is he focused primarily on therapy?

Do you have friends for whom you don't have to keep a non-crying face? If nothing else, do you consider your therapist such a friend?

--Bob

Hellow my friends Last year when grief came in ny life I did not get any medical treatment.Now my therapist gave me pills for depression.He says that Ichould start feeling better but I feel like I have a big octapus around my body squeesing me tight.Im loosing hope trying to find meaning in my life.Yiany and me were so close together that I had no friends and no social lifeI meet alot of people at work but I have to keep a non crying face.Being so confused I can not creat at my studio and realy need support and ideas. TENY

[Corinne]

Teny,

I know how you feel. All my life I never found me. I was always dependent upon who I was with. I also did not have friends that I spent time with or a social life outside of my relationships with Jimmy and John. I am now working on finding out who I am. I am now on medication because I felt like I was walking around in a fog and could not concentrate on anything or make any decisions. As Bob has asked how long have you been on the medication and is your therapist monitoring whether it is working? It takes a little time to get into your system. Also, it does not take all the pain away but it does seem to take my fog away and let me think. I have even started taking an online computer course. I do not plan on being on the medication forever, just until I get a hold on this new life that has been given to me(that I did not want or ask for).

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[KathyG]

Teny,

I have an idea that might help with your work: try to think of and then create a new design or new type of pottery that reflects something about Yiany or your life with him. Do this as a tribute to him and your love.

For example, if you and he had a favorite place, imagine a design or object that would represent that place. Remember other things he liked, or the things he liked to do - and maybe one of them can inspire you to create.

I'm not an artist, but I'm a writer by trade. I'd like to write an article or book or something else that will be a tribute to my Bill, but I don't know yet what to write. I'm also trying to keep Bill's presence alive by helping charities that aid animals. He loved animals in general (especially our dogs) and making life better for them was important to him. Bill was my best friend, as Yiany was yours, and I'm still having some trouble being with people (especially those I don't know well). But I feel better when I'm with the animals.

Give your medication a little time to work; it may be a week or two before you can feel it helping you.

[teny]

THANK you for replylng .I have started with herbal meds 3 months ago the real thing as my therapist says Iv stared 2 weeks today.I visit for counceling once a week .He says that a year is according to his profetion a time for me to start feeling better and that i cant concider myself an exception to the rule !Grief is universal and ahuman feeling so I have to find a way to go on.As about friends that I can have a crying face with you my far away friends are the only ones !TENY

[LarrysGirl]

Teny, Let me share with you that I'm an artist also and I know firsthand that being creative when you are grieving is very difficult. Since Larry died, alittle over 2 yrs. ago, I pushed myself everyday to try and keep up with the painting schedule that I had before he died. I also had a new financial burden and felt I couldn't stop or I would not be able to survive financially or emotionally. I love to paint, it is my passion and it did soothe me at times but mostly I exhausted myself physically to the point where my mind couldn't think of the next thing to paint. I felt pressured from all sides to carry on as I had before Larry died. I almost had to give it up because my body was so worn down and I was so depressed. The man I loved with all my heart had died and the one thing in life I felt a passion for, my painting, was now becoming more and more difficult. I am on an antidepressant and while it does help some, it does not take away the grief, the longing, the sadness. I would continue to try the medicine and give it time. You, Teny, have to take this slow. You need to take care of yourself, your mind, heart and body. Creating cannot be forced. It is still a part of you but you need more time to heal. I'm still not feeling all of my old passion for painting but I do have moments where it frees me from the thoughts of sadness. I can't force my painting, and we certainly can't force the grieving to move faster. It is a different life now and we have to take the time to find our way. I hopes this helps alittle. Take care of yourself please. Deborah

[DesertBob]

It's not unusual for antidepressants to take 3 or more weeks to give the desired benefits. I'd give it some more time, and just make sure you take it according to directions. The "squeezing" feeling you are talking about, make sure you discuss with your therapist and give him a sense of when they started and whether they are getting better or worse. It may or may not be related to the medication, but if it's getting worse then that is information to be sure to discuss with him.

Sometimes with antidepressants you have some symptoms at first and those fade after awhile too. Depends on what he's giving you. Just make sure you discuss it with him. If it's bad, call him before the next appointment.

Your therapist should be a person you can cry in front of. If he's not and you've been seeing him for more than a dozen or so appointments then you are not building a good trust level with him. Discuss that with him and see if you can get past it or if he can refer you to someone you feel more comfortable with.

I know you feel weak right now, Teny, but the very fact you are seeing a therapist shows more courage than most people have. Therapy implies a willingness to look at reality and to make difficult changes. You're on the right track and are to be commended. Hang in there, you're going to see improvement.

Best,

--Bob

THANK you for replylng .I have started with herbal meds 3 months ago the real thing as my therapist says Iv stared 2 weeks today.I visit for counceling once a week .He says that a year is according to his profetion a time for me to start feeling better and that i cant concider myself an exception to the rule !Grief is universal and ahuman feeling so I have to find a way to go on.As about friends that I can have a crying face with you my far away friends are the only ones !TENY

[ustwo]

Dearest Teny, Tomorrow is another day, another day to hope. I'm approaching 3 years (June 11, 2005) since my world exploded.....changed forever. I didn't want to hear that time heals. While I don't think it heals it does begin acceptance. For me my wonderful Gene is always with me. Somewhere in the second year I accepted that I could not change anything and this would be my life. I quit asking "why". I quit feeling quilty for living. I quit looking at tomorrow to bring some miracle. I've already had a miracle.....the miracle of Gene's love. I live in the moment and sometimes the moments are filled with tears still. I have been forced to be a different person.......how could I not be without Gene. It is still hard for me to make decisions and to focus on any one thing. But it doesn't matter. I even worried that I could feel nothing....that nothing stirred joy in my heart. Gene made my heart sing every moment we had together. A dear friend of mine who stood beside me along with her husband when Gene and I married. She lost her dear husband nearly 11 years ago. She told me that I would never again know the happiness I knew with Gene..........she was right. It took a while but I accepted that too. She said there would be a different happiness later on....one of peace. That's all we can wish for each other.........peace. Oh, I still miss my dear husband so much. Acceptance and sweet memories, knowing I have the true miracle of love........that has brought a calm to my soul.

I wish you peace and all who have found their way here. Here I found a way to survive.

Always Gene!

Always!

[kayc]

Teny,

When my daughter needed a counselor, I found one that does art therapy because she is very creative. It is a good way to express what is inside.

I am concerned about how you are feeling...I think you need to relay it to your therapist. But again, I wonder if the meds have had time to do their work. As Bob said, this should be temporary help, like a bandaid to get your through, the primary focus should be on therapy and helping you get to a place where you can live again, even in this changed situation.

I thought Kathy's suggestion was good, to create something with meaning, as a memorial to your Yiani.

[Lily]

Dear Teny, I'm so sorry you lost Yiany. I lost my husband, Richard,

just 2 months ago and like Yiany was to you, Richard was to me. We had no

children and I think because of that we focused on each other, we enjoyed

each other so much, we shared so much...we really liked each other, you know.

I don't know if any pills will ever help - it would be great if pills could

wash away the pain - the only thing that seems to help me is when I think of

how Rich always was there for me in times of trouble or grieving - he was always my strong supporter, my shoulder to lean on - now, when I need him the

most to help me through the loss of someone who I loved so dearly, he's not

here - but he is in my heart and I can hear him saying to me I'm here and

you can do this, you can do anything you set your heart and mind to. I know

you can. And see, he would always somehow give me that boost I needed.

So if I hold him in my mind and think how sad he would be if I didn't keep

trying trying trying....I can go on a little...and maybe someday it will get

better. Yiany is there for you also, Teny. He has to be. After Rich died

I wrote in desperation to the chaplain of the hospital where he died. I wrote because I needed comfort from somewhere someone and even though I had

lostmy faith in God because I couldn't see an all powerful loving God allowing Rich to suffer as he did before he died... But there was something about this chaplain that I felt I could write to. I told her about Rich's

and my life together ...and her words were very comforting. I had told her

that even knowing how much pain I would experience, I would still say yes to

marrying Richard. She said "You recognize that the price we pay for a great

love is great loss. Is there consolation in knowing that your love for Richard - the way he filled your life, the way your grew up together - has made you bigger, has stretched your sould, and now your ability to love, your

ability to see and embrace and understand this precious life of ours is greater than it was before? And even though all this space inside you feels

empty now, the greatness of your har will last forever. Richard's legacy

to you is love." "Love doesn't make sense unless somehow it lasts forever....

A wise friend of mine believes that the souls of those we love deeply stay close by us a long time after their passing. Have you any senseof Richard's being near to you? When the pain subsides for a while, when you are quiet, do you have any sign that he is close at hand?" Teny, I wanted to share these

kind words with you. I hope they help you even if for a little while. Lily

[lyn]

My heart feels soo heavy today, I am trying not to think that tomorrow is my love's 7th month. I kept myself busy to numb the pain. But I couldnt stop the tears as I read your post today Lily. It is so beautiful.."Love doesn't make sense unless somehow it lasts forever...." It is his legacy to me. Indeed, I would still choose to go through the pain to be with him again.