40 Days

[Dawn 5421]

Well tomorrow is the 40th day. I know this because in my husbands culture/religion the family gathers and has a mass. I guess this is when the soul is to reach heaven. I am in Dallas alone (no family his or mine) but there will be large gatherings in California, Vancouver Canada, and the Philippines.

He died on St. Thomas US Virgin Islands and I am having some difficulty getting the remains after a much delayed cremation. I think I will finally have them next week. I am sad that I will not be with his family for this day. Though I do not share the same beliefs, I think being in their presence during this day of prayer and celebration would have been nice.

It is hard to believe that 40 days has passed, are they sure it wasn't just yesterday? The month of January is nothing but a blur, and February is passing all to quickly. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day, I can already feel it. Oh, who do I think I am kidding, each day has its own challenges.

I miss him terribly, and the realization that I must re-create my life and start from nothing is frightening. Who am I going to be?

[dpodesta]

Dawn,

Enen without the ceremony, I am sure you would still know how many days. I know that I didfor about 4 or 5 months, then it started to go to just months then somwhere after the year mark I realized that I had to count out the months to figure out how many. I know it is difficult especially being this new in the journey. I agree, it would have been nice to be able to celebrate his life with family even though your beliefs are different. Hang in there, it will get better, it will take time to figure out who you are again, and it is nice to finally see someone else from Texas here on this site although I wish it was under better circumstances.

Love always

Derek

[kayc]

Dawn, I wish you could be with his family tomorrow...it's not so much about religion as just sharing in this together on this day that is important to his family, it would be bolstering. I'm sure you will be in their thoughts even from afar. Our thoughts will be with you as well.

[suzanne]

Dawn

I am so sorry you have to spend tommorrow alone. 40 days, I counted days until I reached 100 days then I started counting in months. Now I am at 11 months, 3 days. Is it easier? Not for me at the moment. I wish I had words of comfort to offer. I will be thinking of you and know your beloved is close by you. I think you will find comfort when you receive his ashes but the initial shock will be so terribly difficult. It will be like living it all over again. You will feel like he is finally home. Hold that close to your heart. Know you are not alone. We are all with you.

Suzanne

[karenb]

Hi Dawn,

I'm sad you're alone at this time and very sorry about your husband. We all know it's difficult in the best of circumstances. I know of someone who has gone through the ropes of getting their loved one back home and that, I know, is difficult, too. My prayers are with you. You will make it through all these things. I'm so sorry.

Your friend, Karen

[kayc]

Dawn,

I know it is an individual thing, but I felt great comfort when at last I had my husband's ashes in my possession. I waited for a couple of years before deciding what to do with them. Again, this is an individual decision, but I decided to lay him to rest in our back yard, where he'd spent the happiest years of his life.

[WendyJ]

Dawn,

I felt much better also once I had my husbands ashes. I felt a sense of relief knowing he was back home with me where he belonged. He is in our bedroom in a wooden urn nice and safe with an electric candle flickering next to him and our large wedding photo and some beautiful silk flowers. And that is where he will remain until I go and then my daughters have my instructions to mix our ashes together and then we can be buried together under a heart headstone.

Love,

Wendy