karenb Posted February 12, 2008 Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 Hi Guys, Frankly, I'm very angry and it's about the greed that goes on in families when there is a death. I was the victim of other people's greed when my sister died....Jack's children disowned me when he died because he wanted to be cremated, which I did for him, and they didn't like it and now at the death of my ex-mother-in-law a few months ago (whom I've always kept in contact with and loved her till the end) and now the death of her daughter a week ago - my daughter is going through the same thing. People do strange things when someone dies, especially where there's money involved. Gramma's money went to her daugter and her son (my ex) when she died. Her daughter died and her half goes to her daugher and son. At the "wake" the husband of her daugher told my children that "because of all the money they're getting they're going to build a house and "fly them down" when it's done. At a "wake" he tells my children this.....so really not needed. The other half will go to my ex and because he's just as greedy as the rest of that family, he'll spend everything before he dies and my children won't see anything. Now my children don't want it but my disabled son could get some help. I've done it all these 30 years but because of greed my children probably won't be helped at all. Sorry, I guess I'm a protective mother. I'm mad and that's all there is to it.Your mad friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyk Posted February 12, 2008 Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 I'm sorry you are experiencing the greed aspect too. Grieving is hard enough without that added to it. My brother and I have been dealing with that from our Mother since before Dad passed. They were divorced 7 years ago and she got a healthy settlement which is gone now. She has been making nonstop maipulative, guilt filled comments to us about the money, even saying the night I had to call and tell her he passed that the "right thing to do" would be give her at least 1/3. I threw up after talking to her that night. The whole thing makes me sick and very sad to see us torn apart by this. She says she is saddened by what she sees in us bc of the money and throws scripture around with it to back up her views on it all. There is plenty more to the story but I'm not sure I want to start my day continuing to go into it, I'll save it all for another post. just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Try to let it go as I'm trying to do. (trying being the key word)Hugs.Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted February 12, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2008 Thanks Tammy, I'm much better today. I am just angry for my children and how my ex got away with so much for many years. I'm going to make the choice to forget it once and for all. Thanks, again.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 Karen,I don't blame you for your anger! I just don't understand how horrible people can act, especially over money! My friend who moved to my town (another post ahwile ago!) is having greed problems with her son that I won't even go into. But it just hurts me to see her have to put up with it. I hope all these people get what's coming to them someday! Hang in there. You are such a good person, we all love you so much!Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosanne Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 Karen,I won't start my day out with hashing old garbage, either- but, know what you are talking about with the greed, honey!The day my mother-in-law was diagnosed with alzh. my sister-in-law called my husband to let him know she withdrew $20,000 cd that belonged to their mother- we had to take care of her by ourselves for 5 years.. no phone calls no nothing- had to call her when she died and she told me to make the arrangements and pick out the dress, it did not matter to her whatever we wanted to do- so we did it all.... She has been dead for 3 years- get Christmas cards from her children but, not a word from her! What goes around comes around, remember that. Thing that gets us, she does not understand what we are upset about.............Go figure.Rosanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriW Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 (edited) Karen,I am right there with you! I am living this stuff right now! It's not about life insurance and it has to do with my Dad. My Mom and he were married 44 years, my Mom died and her Mom is still alive. She is elderly and needed to move out of her large family home she's lived in for 40 plus years. After my Grandpa passed in the 80's my Mom's name and her 2 sisters' names were put on the house deed so that all the money from my Grandma's home would be safe if something happened to her and they needed to sell it and use the money for her care. Mom dies. Grandma's in failing health and agrees to move into assisted living. The sale of her home will pay for her care in her new apartment. My Dad needs to resign the deed in place of my Mom because he is on her will. My Dad refused to sign never giving his adult children an explanation as to why he refused. Never communicated with my Mother's family...just nasty emails....and now he does not speak to me or my brother. I never in my life could have believed this.....but, it just goes to show what can happen when a death occurs. The sad thing is, my Grandma's not even dead! The house was sold, my Mom's 2 sisters signed the new deed and recieved no money from the sale and nor were they penalized (my Dad was told her would neither benefit or lose by signing)....my Grandma received her check and my Dad received a check. This money was never meant to be his and it has torn our family apart. He doesn't even care and it hurts so deeply. I know my Mom would be furious....I'm sure she is now. I wish he would have done the right thing...my Mom died and my Dad is gone, it makes me sad. Edited February 13, 2008 by LoriW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted February 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 I fully understand all these "greed" posts. And it's even worse when the grandma is still here and these things still go on. That's happened in my case as well. Let's just be glad we are not like that....the only thing with us is our feelings, along with everything else, have been really hurt because of other people's greed. I'm going to continue rising above this and know my children aren't greedy people either. Thank God!Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 Karen,You know my history also, I can surely relate, its like stabbing you in the back, its absolutely ok to be angry! Maybe if you are mad enough they will back off, I feel for youlLove,William Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyG Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 When family members fight over the money and possessions left behind after someone passes, greed usually is involved. But I think that often, there's more going on.It's not just about the money; it also has a lot to do with family dynamics. If a son or daughter thinks or feels like their parents loved their siblings more, gave them more gifts and financial help, etc. - when the parents die, the child who feels slighted equates the estate with the parents' love, and wants more of it to compensate for what they didn't get from the parents in life. They things they'll go after won't always be the most expensive items; they may be the items most dear to the departed parents.For example, suppose that a mother's most cherished possession was a collection of china dogs. Even if the dogs aren't financialy valuable, they're valuable to the woman's daughters because of what they meant to their mother. So they may both try to claim the deceased's favorite items to "prove" they're superior.I don't think this is true in every case. But I've seen "Mom loved you best" scenarios ignite greed more than once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 Kathy, I have seen exactly that in my family, probably to much of it, interesting what you said. I believe Myrna's brother had that issue with the money, since he got much less than myself, why they think that way when he was being supported by her, Guess the answer is in the next life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted February 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Well, I[m sure there are as many unfortunately greedy family situations are as there are families and we act and react so many different ways. It's so hard to watch good people get hurt by the greedy ones, whatever the reason. My heart goes out to my wonderful daughter, who gave so much of herself to her grandma (my ex's mother) and has been treated very badly by those greedy members of that family. It's hard to watch because my daughter has a tremendously big heart and would do anything for anyone - to see her get hurt and not be able to do anything about it. I guess what goes around, comes around or doesn't - who knows.Dear William, it's so good to "see" you. I'll bet you're very busy getting things in order. I hope you're well and always taking those meds like you should. Keep in touch and let us know about your new home and what's going on with you. We care, you know.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Karen, it shows the true colors doesnt it, I miss being here, so many things have overwhelmed me to the point of neglecting myself. The home has progressed quite well, I fixed alot of things, added, removed, you name it! If only I can make a wage at it. But day after day I miss my wife, horrible, I wish it would just end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted February 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 William, I hate to see you use the word, "end." You are a kind-hearted guy with so much in your future. You've learned things in such a hard way, but they can be valuable to you if you want to look at it that way. Just for one, the pain you've suffered with Myrna's passing (I don't like the word, "death") can help you feel for other's pain, not just in this group but elsewhere in your travels. It seems like if we look at what we're feeling, you know, the types of feelings we have, that we can choose to see the other side and, maybe, help ourselves or others. Like if I have sadness over something, I choose to celebrate something else and change that feeling of sadness to celebration. Do you know what I mean? You have your friends in your group who might need some counseling from you in their suffering areas. You never know! I just know you're a good person and hope you see it.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Karen, I could rant about many things in life, I came out ok, but when I lost my wife it was the icing on the cake. I lost who I am, how I feel, life itself is more mysterious than it ever been, I would like to find a companion formost to share and nurture and compensate for my errors im my marriage and make it right, its such a heavy burden thinking all the time and no finding resolution, Today was a whopper, I guess because 2 days is 1 year since she left our home and lived out her final days away, a empty bed since then. I got real ill with the diabetes dropping down to 37, I was so afraid of dying and at the same time I wanted to. I called my doctors office and was told no one can withstand that level for very long before they lapse into a coma, since then I still feel sick somewhat. Ah well I need to rest now, and tomorrow will be a better day for all of us Love, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted February 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 William, I hope you're stabilized now. My Jack had a two-shots a day diabetes and everything that goes with it, so I know what you're going through. Somehow you have to take care of yourself. I know you're busy with the house and all but don't forget about you. You are a good person and we all care about you. Hang in there, my friend. I hope today goes better. We might have an hour of sunshine today amidst the rain, so I'm going in the yard and try to get a little done. I'm sure housebound and so is Sadie Mae. When I tell her, "It's potty patrol time," she just leaps all over that we're going out together, even though it's just with a shovel. Talk to you later. It's good to see you.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted February 15, 2008 Report Share Posted February 15, 2008 Karen my dear, I am doing better today, I prayed for 30 mins last night and spoke to Myrna also, I felt in my heart that she communicated to me and told me to remember her happy and healthy which was longer than she was sick. I also felt love from God and Her too, just amazing huh? It must be difficult for you to be house bound like that, ts good to see you too, and glad you are doing better also Love,William Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted February 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2008 William...you need to look at my post under, I think, Valentine's gift from Jack. You won't believe it.....I couldn't either.Love, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted February 15, 2008 Report Share Posted February 15, 2008 Karen, I check it out now I am very curious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now