I Need Help

[shaesmom]

:wacko:well thats how i still feal most of the time. let me start by telling you all the wonderful ( im a bad speller sorry ) people on this website that myname is regina. i have a daughter shae, who is going to be 4 in march . chris was my boyfriend,and shaes father.we were together for 5 short years.on may 8 2007 he had a heart attack at the age of 31.he had a heart condition for the last 8 years of his life,yet no one, not even the doctors seen this comming. that still dont sound right but oh well.so its been 9 monthes since he passed i have my good days and i still have my melt down days.this is harder then i thought idont really know what i want out of this web site.all i know is that your all very kind people who know exactly what im going through.valintines day hit me way harder then i thougt.instead of going out to our favorite pizza place,i went to a grave to cry.my daughter shae gave me a valentine to give to her dad.i put it in the snow along with a pink rose.it was horrible how could this be happening.we were so happy,planning our future together.it still dont make sence.9 monthes is not a really long time. could i still be in shock.sometimes i think i am and sometimes i dont.im still very confused.anyway the day shae was born is comming up fast real fast.its the first of many with out her dad.its killing me.i cant think about it with out breaking down,let alone plan it with out my best friend.what do i do.? please help i need advice

[kayc]

Regina,

I'm so sorry you are suffering so much...you are right, 9 months isn't that long, and it's sometimes hard to tell shock from reality when you are in it...I remember just going through the motions and trying to find "normal", or at least appear it. It DOES get better, but it does take a while as you've already figured out. It is nice that you went to his grave on Valentine's Day and put your child's valentine there...it is a way she can grieve and get her feelings out too, which is really important. I'm sure Marty will have some sites she can direct you to that can give you information and help, not only for yourself, but for your child. There are others on this site with small children that can probably help you too because they've been through it all already.

You and your husband were incredibly young to go through this, yet, unfortunately, not alone, as we had Chrissy on this site and she was also so young to lose her husband, and so many others as well. Just know you are not alone and we are here to walk this with you...your spelling is fine, we can understand you and that's all that is important. Please just keep voicing yourself, that is imperative. When I went through it, I remember feeling all of my power had been stripped from me without my permission, and I can't even tell you how that made me feel, so to give voice to your feelings helps you to reclaim some of that power.

[karenb]

Hi Regina,

You really are going through what everyone goes through when you've lost someone you love and so very young, as well. The pain is very real and many times it takes a long time to come to grips with how your life has changed. Thank goodness for Shae, she sounds wonderful and you have her to care for. That's a fulltime job. I have three children, but they're all grown. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago, so I've been through many of the trials you probably will go through as well. Just go with the flow, and don't think about the time it takes, it's different for everyone. You take care of yourself and your daughter and come back and visit us often.

Your friend, Karen

[WendyJ]

Hello Regina welcome to our group and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband last March very unexpectedly and we were together/married for 34 years. I know for me so far my 5th month and my 9th month were the worst. I truly believe that at 5 months the numbness started to wear off and by 9 months reality started to kick in on how final this was. I do not think I actually had one day without pain and even now I am crying while I write this. Keep coming here Regina, we are your friends and know everything you are feeling, we are here for you.

Love,

Wendy

[mfarah]

Regina,

First off I want to say how sorry I am for your loss and for all the pain you are feeling. Second I would like to welcome you to this wonderful website I myself am a new member just joined a week ago and it has so far been the best help yet since I lost my husband almost 3 months ago. My husband also was young he was only 33 and we also have one daughter Natalee and right after Jack passed away I had to face all the first without him. First was his birthday, then Christmas, then New Years and of course the hardest of all Natalee's second birthday which I really did not feel I was going to make it through that day I felt that day was worse than the funeral and I think its because some of the shock had wore off. But I am here to tell you that you will get through it and know that your love is with you and even though we can not see them you have to open your heart and be able to feel them around. I know we hear it alot dont worry they are with you and he will never leave you but I did not believe it until I actually saw him and felt him there. It was the day before Natalee's birthday and I was having a hard time not ready to face her birthday without her dad I went to the cemetary to visit him and just kept asking him why, why cant you be there for her for us why just please come back and be with us. Well that night when I was laying in bed ready to go to sleep I got a text which read empty so when I closed my phone the light was still lit up and half the ceiling was lit up and the other half was dark and the line in the ceiling where seperated the dark from the light I saw Jacks face it was a shadow of his face and I believe he was there trying to tell me he will be with Natalee on her birthday. I then became a believer that they never leave us and things will just be different now and yes of course alot harder but we have to be strong for ourselves and our kids we have to take care of them just the way they would have been taken care of when our loved ones were alive. We have to be their mom and dad and now instead of giving your daughter one good night kiss and one good night hug at night give your daughter two kisses and two hugs and let her know its from her father because he really is kissing her and hugging her. You just have to believe things in life happen for a reason and even though we dont know the reasons or answers we have to live everyday so one day we can try to understand why life happens the way it does. I wish you all the best and please remember everyone here knows how you feel I have learned that and keep coming back. I know I will as long as I am in pain which feels like it will be forever.

Love,

Marlene

Edited February 19, 2008 by mfarah