Susala Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 I'm having so many different emotions.........mostly heartache. My mother was sick for over 2 years and the doctors said there was no hope. I feel like I've been grieving all along just knowing she would be going soon. I tried to spend as much time as I could with her. I lived almost 100 miles away, had 2 little ones at home, and also took care of my handicapped "significant other", so it wasn't as often as I would have liked. I am feeling guilty for not finding babysitters, caregivers, and taking more time off of work. I loved my mom, but all my siblings were there with her so much more than I, and I feel like they somehow loved her more. I can't stand that thought........it hurts so bad. Luckily I was able to go last weekend and be with her as her time was close. She told me she waited for me and for me not to go. I told her that I wasn't leaving and was spending the night. During the night she seemed worse. My sister asked me if I thought she should call Hospice and of course I said Yes. The nurse came at 5:00 AM and listened to mom's heart and said it was still really strong and that mom would probably linger on a few more days. I had to get back to my kids, so I said my goodbyes, I love you, and told her it was okay to for her to go be with her Momma in heaven. She had been calling her all night. I felt at peace on the way home, asking God to take her and not let her "suffer" anymore. I didn't dream it would happen in just a few hours after what the nurse said. My sister called and said she was gone. I was so mad at myself for leaving when I could have spent those last moments with her. I just didn't know.............I just didn't know............I'm so sorry Mom. I can't help wondering why it happened this way. Susala Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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