Lily Posted May 4, 2008 Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 Yesterday I was walking and one of my husbands home health nurse who came toour home every week for about 2 years called out to me. This was the firsttime I saw her since my husband died and when she asked me how I was holdingup I just fell into her arms and sobbed and said not well. Well I just criedand cried and cried and told her how much I missed Rich and the terrible painand, you know, she stood and listened - I mean really listened - she acknowledge my pain - she didn't offer advice on what to do - just said itwas really going to be hard. I felt such comfort in that...I think thather just listening meant so much; I didn't feel uncomfortable because I didn'tfeel that I was making her uncomfortable... I wanted to share this with you because I believe that if people onlyallowed us to cry; if they acknowleded our pain, our hurting, then - in somesmall way that would be healing. Now, though, I, and from others here, I know we tend to repress our feelings - except here - and that's what's socomforting - no judgement, no advice, no crticism, and and confirmation andacknowlegment of the terrible sadness and loneliness and desperation. I think that when I talk to others who have not experienced the loss,I feel worse and no comfort because when I tell them how I feel, they startgiving advice - time heals, get on with activities to take your mind off,etc so then I understand that they can't really understand my words, Ican't convey the pain to them. I feel so alone. I don't really have any"close" friends and I have no family here. I have resorted to listeningto Sundays religious programs even though I don't belong to an establishedreligion. I need something though to help me through the days. People don't seem to help, in general. I know that the counselor wholet me cry and affirmed the hurt and the missing; and the nurse who did thesame; and the friends on this site all seem to help. But, mostly, it seemsthat others want to do not what's best for me now, but what makes them feelbetter. This is another lonely Sunday for me. Lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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