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todaY i CRIED all day I really miss Lawernce, I don't have days like this all the time however today was hare.has anyone have these been 6 weeks now and I am really feeling the loss, I now I have to GO THROUGS however toeay was very diffucult any advice would be very helpfud. Love you all Jackie

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Jackie, Yes, that's to be expected from time to time, we've all had those days, they come out of nowhere and hit us.

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Oh Jackie, I know how agonizing these sudden grief attacks are and my heart goes out to you.

First, remember that these grief attacks are a normal reaction to your loss and try to accept (though it's hard) that (a) you'll have many such attacks and (B) you can't predict when they'll hit.

Then each time a new grief attack occurs, remind yourself that each attack you weather is one more step towards healing and a stronger you.

If you're trying to get something done when a grief attack hits, if possible break off what you're doing and for a few minutes, go to a quiet place where you can grieve, cry, whatever in private. Your task usually will still be there after you've vented your grief, but you'll feel stronger and more in control.

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:D Thanks Ladies,

I am feeling good today perhaps I can spell today lol

Boy did not know how hard it would be to give Lawrence's belongings away.

I wish I could have done it all in one day cause each time someone comes

those feelings come. KayC, please let us know about John and whats going on.

I love you all this is the only place I can come to and everyone understands me. Stay strong or weak all...and remember God Loves us all.

Jackie

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Hi, Jackie--

I am so sorry and so touched reading about your loss. I learned in nursing school that it takes a minimum of two years to properly grieve over a loved one, and I have found it to be true. This might seem like bad news ("What?!? Two years of this? Oh, my God!!!"), but it is actually good news. When you cry or have a bad day, tell yourself, "I still have _ months/years to go. I am normal, and it is proper to take time to heal." Some folks take more time yet, and some less, all of which is normal. Injuries to the psyche are the hardest and therefore take the longest time to heal.

My daddy died in 2000, and we still haven't given his clothes away! When my mama suggested we do that a year after he died, I remember, I teared up and said "We don't have to be in such a hurry to get rid of him.". I realize this is silly, but I wasn't ready. We did give a bunch of his most beautiful, newest clothes to the Katrina effort, but his humble work clothes remain in the closet to this day! I find his gardening shoes and his glasses to be the most difficult thing to think about letting go. Somehow, to me they are the most personal items of clothing. I will break down big-time when it comes time to do that. Mama will be 88 in July, so I've decided that after she passes, I'll just do both of their closets at the same time--and I hope it will be some years yet befor I have to do that!

Anyway, Jackie, my heart goes out to you today and each day of your journey. Please be good to yourself--you deserve it.

Margaret

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Margaret,

It is true, it takes at least two years to adjust, at least enough to where we can somehow cope, but even though, it varies from one person to the next. I would tell you to hang on to something of your dad's something that most reminds you of him, and never get rid of it. I, too, hope it's a long time before you need to go there with your mom!

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Once again I had the day from HE@@ yesterday, my family tried to help however they kept saying all the wrong things, I know they just wanted to ease my pain. This is far the hardest thing I have had to deal with. I did not drink, however I did take pills which feel the same, and nothing changed I just cried more. I say this to say Yesterday was my husband's 24 anniversary from not drinking and I know he did not want me to do that. I am going to move on and not take the brick to myself. However nothing changes if nothing changes, all I wanted to say.

I am sooo gratful to have you all here to just listening to me even if you don't post back, just knowing you are all out there and feeling the same things I feel daily helps so much...

Much Love Jackie

Edited by jackietnd1
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Hi Jackie,

You are definitely doing the right thing by coming here and posting. I can't believe that I'm just 2 1/2 mths shy of 1 year since Gene's passing, and I know I've healed somewhat, not fully, never will, but I am healing. You have a long, painful journey ahead of you, but you'll make it. As time passes, each attack will occur for less time and be less severe. It seems these attacks just happen, but when you get an attack go with it and tell yourself "I'm going to be ok." Only you know what feels right for you, and whatever your remedy is to ease your pain and help you heal is ok. I have different ways of coping, some ways I know would not be accepted by others, but I've lost my husband, soulmate and best friend, and feel very alone at times, so I'll do what is comforting to me to help me get through this nightmare.

Remember, we are here for you...Lin :wub:

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Lin,

You brought tears to my eyes, that is what I am talking about when I come here people truly understand me. I am so happy you shared with me cause I feel no one understands about the pills, I don't take them everyday or even every week however I do take them and they help. I took them when my Lawrence was alive and he knew about them we hide nothing from each other. This is not easy, not getting better only worst, I did plant flowers yesterday and was just looking at them he would have been so proud of his "QUE", I know his spirit lives on as your Glen does, it's been 8 weeks now, oh and do we ever stop counting.

Love Much Jackie

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I don't think we ever stop counting. Today is 3 1/2 years for me. I can't believe I've been without my beloved, Charlie, for going on 4 years. Time has truly gone by quickly. Next month is my most dreaded...his 50th birthday would have been June 10th and our 19 year wedding anniversary would have been June 17th. He always told me he wouldn't be here for his 50th....he was right!

Everyone have the best day possible. Hugs to all of you!!!!!

Patti

Edited by missingcharlie
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Patti,

So June will be a hard month for you too...my you must have lost your husband young, my George had just turned 51 when he died. June 14 is his birthday and he died on June 19 which happened to be Father's Day.

Jackie,

No, drinking and pills don't seem to help...otherwise we'd all get wasted to survive this, you're right, it doesn't change anything, they're still gone and we still have to live with that. Do whatever comforts you except avoid whatever is self-destructive. We're here for you, and you bet, we understand!

Love,

KayC

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Patti,

I see today is the 3 and a half year mark for your loss - wow. Wish it was different for all of us.

Patti and KayC,

Looks like June has some more "markers" as well - for both of you - June also has the day that would have been my Jack's 59 BD on the 15th.

Wishing all on here peace,

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

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Jackie,

I hate those grief attacks too. :( They came out of nowhere and throw you backwards leaving you helpless again. But....you will feel a little better after a good cry, and just keep on posting here when you are feeling down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am dreading the month of June too. I feel scared and nervous. It would have been his birthday and will be his first year since he's gone. I wish I could just sleep through the whole month.

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