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[joelsgirlkathy]

I lost the love of my life april 19th after a 6 month battle with cancer.I just feel so lonely. He was my everything what do i do with the rest of my life,need some feed back.I am on nerve pills just to function.I was thinking

yesterday no more valentines,christmas,special birthdays thanks Joelsgirlkathy

[fred]

I know there are not any words that will make any difference or give you much comfort right now, but know that I am truly sorry for your loss. People will tell you that time will heal and eventually you will feel better, but nothing will ease the pain today. There are so many things you will experience during the journey through grief though I can not tell you whether it will help to know about them at this point. The best advice I can offer is to read through the posts on this site when you feel up to it, note how long he or she has been dealing with their loss. We all seem to suffer in similar ways but on our own individual timetable. Don´t fight against your feelings, you can postpone some things, but not avoid them, and it will be much more difficult if you try to force your way ahead. I am hesitant to tell you too much right now, though it is all made plain on this site. The only thing I haven´t found here is the occaisional hug I need just no know people care for me, though there are plenty virtual hugs here.

I lost my precious wife suddenly sixteen months ago and though I may appear fairly functional from the outside, I am still a wreck on the inside. Just keep reading and posting, when we can´t walk there are plenty of wonderful people here that will carry us.

Edited May 9, 2008 by fred

[Lin_in_Cave Creek]

I am so sorry for your loss and can feel your pain. Every morning I sit and read the posts, have a good cry and then I am ready to start my day. I lost my husband 9 months ago after a 4 month battle with cancer. I don't feel like I've healed much, but I do know that I have begun to heal, as I can smile sometimes and remember him without crying. There have been times when I thought I couldn't make it to the next day. You will find something that brings you peace and go with it when you're feeling sad and alone. I found it best not to think about what lies ahead, but rather to try to make it through the day. My kids (16 and 10) and I have made it through our birthdays, the holidays, and our wedding anniversary but know the next few months will be tough with Father's Day, his birthday and 1 year anniversary. We are making it, and you will to. Just take it slow and know we are here for you.

Hugs, Lin

[joelsgirlkathy]

Fred,I am so sorry about your loss,My Joel had leuikima that went on for 22 months.he was my life and hospice helped me so much, but this grief thing is something I don't know how to do.I am just taking one day at a time.I will read some of the post and maybe I can find some one that went thru the same thing with the cancer.Keep in touch ok this will be a long journey

Kathy

[Dusky]

Joelsgirlkathy,

Each time I see a new person on here it makes me a little sad. However I also see it as an opportunity to help someone down the same path that we all seem to be traveling.

Rather than repeat myself it is probably easier for me to refer you to a post on here that I wrote a few weeks ago to Scotty and JoeA - It is entitled For Scotty and JoeA - you will find a whole listing of books that I believe are very helpful. You will also find a message from Marty T (just below my message) and she has apparently incorporated this list into a reference tool on this site - and you can click on it and review it there as well.

You will find a link to my own web site in that same message to Scotty and JoeA which may help you know that there are people out there that have circumstances very similar to your own difficult journey losing a loved one to cancer.

Peace and Love,

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

Edited May 9, 2008 by MartyT

[joelsgirlkathy]

Dusky,Thanks I'll do it and get back to you.I finally have someone to talk to.Where I work people look at me with pitty and they don't know what I am going thru so I have no one to talk to

thanks so much Kathy

[Lily]

Dear Kathy, you must be hurting so much...and there's nothing to take to

make the pain go away. I lost my husband in October...he was diagnosed

with pancreatic cancer in 2004 and for three years we fought the cancer

going for long distance treatments everyweek...he was so strong and showed

so much courage...and I never thought I would ever be without him. I

cant find words to express how much I miss him. But Fred is right, coming

here seems to help some. Everyone here is hurting and the kind words are

like a substitute for those hugs we don't get. Sometimes I don't think

I'll get through the next few minutes and really don't want to but I keep

going; I don't know how, but I do...and you will too. I wish I could say

that after a time, the pain goes away, but I can't. That pain is so real,

isn't it and it's frightening, because there's nowhere to go with it. But

I'm trying to take one day at a time and sometimes the pain eases a little;

I think it has to for us to live, to survive. If you have to cry, and

scream and cry somemore, you should do it...it helps me I know. No matter

what the hour, if I think I'm going crazy with the loneliness, the missing,

the hopelessness, I get on here and write, knowing that someone will answer

my plea for listening. Kathy, you try that too....it will help. Lily

[teny]

Im so sory about your loss and realy understand the pain .I lost my love and the center of my life 18 months ago from cancer.I can not beleave its true. He did not have any symtoms only feeling tired the last month We entered the hospital and he was gone within 20 days.The only advise I can give you is keep posting its the only place you find confort and understanding.Your far away friend TENY

[joelsgirlkathy]

Teny,

I am so sorry for you too.My honey was sick for a long time.It started when he had a bad bleed and was in a coma for 3 days.They air lifted him to UNC Chapel Hill.They ran test and found out he had a j2k defect in his DNA.that was in 2006 it went thru 2 other stages then last july he went into acute leukimua.He went thru 3 rounds of chemo and all along he told me he was beating it.I finally went and spoke with his doctor on march 24th and he told me he had 4 to 8 weeks left.We was able to say our good byes and I will alway be grateful that GOd gave us that.I was with him when he took his last breath and I would not take anything in the world for the time we spent together.

your new friend Kathy

[kayc]

Kathy,

I am so sorry for your loss, I think it is all the harder for those who were caregivers because they now have the sense of loss of purpose in addition to everything else the rest of us go through. Just know that you have found a very special site with people who understand and care, and will be here for you as you go through this.

[joelsgirlkathy]

Thanks it helps to know somebody is out there that understands.

I breaks my heart that I tried so hard to get him up to the hospital everyday for 3 weeks for the clinical trais.the back pain pushing that wheelchair and watching his hope slip away right in front of my eyes.I kept asking GOD please stop whispering his name stop calling him home.I found out that the cancer was back when I was at work,My boss was so nice to me and I spoke of this to Joel,He wrote this letter to him.I love this letter and I hope that you enjoy this to.

kathy

Dear Ronnie,

Kathy told me how you helped and supported her last week. While I am not looking forward to dying, I am not afraid either. I have lived a long and interesting life. I'll never be in pain, I'll never end up face down in some muddy foxhole, I'll never be in a plane crash, or a serious auto accident, or even have a heart attack. So, you see if I have to leave, this is not a bad way to do it.

In 1977 when I first moved to North Carolina there was a 5 year girl in the neighborhood (about the same age as my daughter, Holly at the time). She had leukemia but it quickly responded to treatment and she seemed fine. In 1977 it came back and she died. At the time she died, her parents were in the chapel and a person that I knew very well was sitting with her in her hospital room. The person said she saw body fluids leaking out of her body. She said that Nicole sat up in bed and said, "Look, there is Jesus, and He has come to take me home." Then she laid back down and died. Ever since that time, I have steadfastly held on to the testimony of that 7 year old girl.

My concern now is for Kathy and by children and grandchildren. I should know that Jesus will care for them even better than I could, but I want to do it myself. Maybe I can help them better from Heaven than I could on Earth. I don't have that part of theology figured out yet.

One great comfort has been the Moen employees. They are always here if we need them and don't charge Kathy very much.

>From where you sat, you may have only seen problems but from where I sit, I see a supporting family that helps each other out. We have had 6 people that have helped or supported: Faye, Tink, Carol, Ann,Terry, Phillip, Bennie. Each has told us they are only a phone call away, night or day and have frequently demonstrated it also.

Thanks and may God Bless you and Karen and all you hold dear,

Joel

[kayc]

Kathy, that is beautiful, it is great that he had such faith. I didn't get a "last conversation" with my husband because he died suddenly and unexpectedly, and I always wished we could have talked about it. I, too, was praying for my husband when he died, yet I've learned to not question the "why's" and just accept...it took a while though, I must admit. One thing I know is we have the strength to go through what we must with the help of God and those who are supportive around us.

Thank you for sharing that beautiful letter...no wonder you miss him so much.

[Dusky]

Kathy,

What a beautiful letter Joel wrote. People who are dying just seem to have a remarkable way of showing the rest of us how to live and what is important in life.

Peace and love,

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

[Lin_in_Cave Creek]

Hi Kathy,

That is a beautiful letter, one that reminds me of writings I found when Gene died. He had been keeping a journal since 2004. He didn't know for sure that he would be diagnosed with another cancer in 2007, but his writings told of how he felt (physically and mentally) and that he was going to die soon after he turned 60 (he died 1 month after his 60th birthday in 8/07). Somehow he knew, as I'm told most cancer patients do. He wrote about his feelings and relationship with me and our sons. I also found money in an envelope marked "For Funeral." It was amazing how he tried to prepare himself and everything around him for his death, including labeling the cabinets and drawers in his workshop so that I could find tools when needed, and by leaving me a list of tradesmen that he worked with that would be able to help me with home repairs if I couldn't do it myself.

In the end, he was concerned about me and our sons, not himself. He was a braver person than me because I still have a hard time accepting he's gone. At times, I also find myself expecting him to walk through the door at the end of the day, even though I know that will never happen again.

Lin

[joelsgirlkathy]

Kayc,

I am sorry you did not get to say good bye,we did it for a while he told me what to do when he died and how much money to save for taxes and insurance.he took care of me and now i have to do it for myself and I think I am doing ok.I will go to the court house at 8am to file his will.That should be fast my lawyer will meet me there.All I can say is that I have truely been bless for having him in my life for 13 years.

Thanks Kathy