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1st Year June 11th

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It will be a year June 11th- it is hard to believe that I have been on this forum that long, times go on. I do not know how I will get through this day. I want to miss work, I don't think I can function- my mom worked with me and every day is a struggle, I see her everywhere, I still see her handwriting and it makes me so sad- She was my everything... and we were so so close. I feel like half of me is gone. My joy is gone. I do not feel whole anymore, what use to mean something means nothing, now. How will I get through this?

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I think that the anticipation of the day was worse for me than the actual day. I found it helped me to just do what I felt like doing that day.. when the feelings came.. I let them and felt them and expressed them.

How will you get through this?? I don't know. But I'm sure you will find a way and you will indeed survive.

Do what feels right to you. Do what feels most comfortable on an uncomfortable day.

I can imagine going to work would seem to be difficult especially since you worked with Mom. But.. ya never know.. some people may choose to go to work because they felt closer to that person.

On some anniversaries it helped me to be super busy.. on others.. it didn't. Taking a "time out" day for reflection felt like the right thing. It just depended on where I was at. I just tried not to judge me and I tried not to put myself into a situation where others might be tempted to judge me. Because I knew the last thing I needed was judgement. But.. that's me.

We are all different... so just be patient with you, and gentle with you. And be confident that you will indeed find a way to get through the day. (If nothing else.. think about it.. statistics are good that you will make it through that day if the folks here are any indication. Many of us have gone through this. Painful.. yup for some very.. and others were surprised that it wasn't as awful as they thought it would be.)

See what feels like a good idea as you get closer to the actual day.

And remember... you can always change your mind... after all.. for me at least.. almost everyday is different. Who knows how you will feel that day? Some days I hold myself together really well.. other days.. I blubber through. ???

I can't predict how I will feel or respond... so I just try to do what I can. I try to be flexible and generally plan for a day that makes things as easy as possible for me if I think the day might be difficult.

Go with your gut.... and be careful with you... it's a tough, tough time.

Keep us posted on how you are doing.


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I have to agree with Leeanne regarding the 1st marking of your mom's passing away. The day before that milestone for me was much more emotional than the actual day.

It's now been 2 and half years since my Mom died and it will get better. I think about her every single solitary day of my life. I miss her every single day of my life.......but, I know she's not coming back and I hold tight to all of the beautiful memories and her love.

Do you what you absolutely must that day. If you feel as if you cannot go about your usual daily life.....stay in bed if you must....cry if you must....feel the raw pain of missinger that day......it is how we heal, and although life is NEVER the same, we find that we grow from the loss, learn about what is important to us and who is important to us. You may even find that you will be very peaceful on that anniversary date. I know, I surprisingly found myself much more calmer than the day before.....as I felt like that the day before the 1 year mark of her death.....I thought so much about what she had planned for the days and weeks ahead and never got to do.....then the next morning came and I was at peace. I sometimes like to think it was my Mom's and God's gift to me. To have a special day to think of her love.

I know how hard it is to miss you Mother. I know that it's a yearning and desire every single day.....no matter how old you are. I am 42 years old and there's been so many times I've wanted to call her and tell her something about my girls. Holidays are not the same and my family of origin, in general, has been destroyed. Grieving is a long time process....to feel all the pain is to allow yourself to grow and heal........I know, I have been much more sympathetic to those who've lost a parent since my own Mom died.

Do what you must on that day and the days ahead. You had only 1 Mother..........they are our nuturers....our touchstones.....our hearts......it's a bond that is truly amazing. My heart and prayers go out to you.



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Leeann and Lori,

Thank you so very much for your sweet response. It does help to talk with someone that has been through what you are going to go through. I have always loved life, not to say that I have not had my share of knocks- but, some how things are so different for me now, it is like the joy you had in your heart is gone, and even though you do have family and friends in your life that you love, you wonder will that joy ever come back, or is this the way I will be the rest of my life? Who knows....

I do feel very changed, as the two of you probably feel also. I guess, I thought my mom would live forever, never dreamed that this would happen to us...

Thank you again, for your kind words-


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I have to say that the week before the first anniversary was about a gazillion times harder than the actual day. My advice to you is to take each day as it comes and be honest to yourself. If you want to take the day off work, then do it. I always say that my mom was my mom for 27 plus years, it's ok that I grieve her during these times.

rosanne and deb,

I will say that I am NOT the same person I was almost 33 months ago. I basically had to build a new Shauna. I still can't do many of the same things that I did before she died.

But do I feel joy in my life? Do I feel normal? In a word, yes. Not the same normal that I felt before. A new one. It has taken a long time. This year is the first summer that I've enjoyed the flowers in I don't know how long. Sorry, spring. I notice the little things again.

In a way, I kind of miss the first year. I found it somewhat of a special time between me and my mom. I still miss her, but it isn't as raw as it was. I'm glad that I grieved her for as long as I did, because I won't have that chance again.

I don't know how much of what I wrote made sense. :lol:


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Two years and almost nine months.

Thank you for the comment on my name. :D

I don't want you to think that the journey has gotten "easier", it's just become easier to deal with.


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Dear Rosanne


My thoughts are with you and hoping that day and the previous and proceeding days around the 11th were not as unbearable as you thought.

I can only echo some of the other comments made.

Next month it will be a year since my mom passed - I know the feeling that it is unbearable. On the outside I'm holding things together, but when I think of my mom and stuff on the inside I'm crying and screaming that it's not true.

I don't know if you find this as well, but unconsciously some things bubble up and you wonder why you are feeling the way you are and you suddenly realize it is a day that held significance. The most recent example of this was when my daughter and I were in Europe and there I didn't see advertising for mother's day. But on Mother's day I fell to pieces in the hotel room after my daughter went for a walk. She came back to find me crying and a real mess. She forgot about mother's day and it hit me later on that it was mother's day and that was why I was missing and thinking so much about my mom that day.

Some days are very hard to go on, but then I think would I want my daughter to fall to pieces if I passed away and I know I would want her to be ok. I know my mom would want me to be ok; it doesn't make it much better, but it helps me to try and reduce my grieving to a level that is not so debilitating at times. I find that sometimes I really have to be extremely strong and put on a face for relatives because I don't want them to worry for me. I think with profound grief it is sorta like with other things we have to muddle through in life we each find our ways of coping.

I hope you are coping ok.

more hugs.

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Thank you, so much for your kind words and yes, I truly believe that you know how I feel. I made it through. I do not know in the morning when I wake up what kind of a day it will be- sometimes I do not even have a clue that in the next minute I am going to be crying and out of control.

My son is also going through a divorce, and has two small children, and this has torn my heart out... I do not know how to cope and wonder, when and if I will ever be happy again! My life is spinning out of control and I can not do any thing about it............NOTHING.

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I'm so sorry you feel that your life is spinning out of control, it's a very overwhelming feeling. When I feel like that, I try to remember that things usually happen for a reason and that they work out better than we think they will. And sometimes we just have to "let go" of the things we can't control and let whatever happens happen. Not much comfort, I know, but amazingly, it usually turns out ok, even if it takes us a long time to realize it. Hang in there.



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  • 2 weeks later...


I can feel your pain. My mom died September 11th last year so the time is coming. In anticipation of the extent of my pain during that time, I'm taking vacation the day before, the day of, and the day after. So many days are such a mess for me.

I cried on my birthday, the holidays, and what would have been my parents' 55th annivesary, and my dad's birthday as well as Mother's day. I am still reeling in pain and feel as if I've been mortally wounded.

My parents live with me, and it even harder to see my dad's grief. I am the proud product of a very loving, close family.

I can't even fathom that there will be a time when my pain will end.

Big hugs to you!


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