JoeA Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Just four months after losing my wife of 29 years I had to bury my father. The day I returned home to Maryland last week, I learned of the death of a friend in my church. I attended the funeral today. At the funeral my pastor informed me that another friend is in hospice care and will surely not live long. Enough already!- Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Hey Joe, I hear you - enough is enough! You are having a rough time, and I am sorry. Just losing your wife and father are enough to deal with let alone friends as well. Just do your best - it's all you can do at this point. Twenty-nine years is a long time. We all know how hard all this is. It was three years since Jack died last Sunday and I'm here to tell you it does get better as long as we give it our best try. Take care, Joe.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shhh65 Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Joe,I am so sorry you've had to endure such a loss at the same time you are grieving your wife. I hope it helps in some way to know that we are listening and praying for you.God Bless You,Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Joe I am so sorry you have to endure all this at once. Most here know I have been in the same boat, let me share with you how it all happened with me, not for anyones sympathy but so you can see you are not alone which I myself always find helpful.Oct 20th 2006- We lose our precious Golden Retriever to believe it or not the same thing that took Steve a blood clot to the heart-this dog was Steve's whole worldOct 26th 2006- Steve and I lost a dear friend since kindergarten, Jack who died of a heart attack at the age of 48 yrs oldMarch 7th 2007- I lose my SteveFall of 2007- my mother is hospitalized with Lupus, we almost lose her many timesWinter of 2008- My mother is getting worse, they find out she has cancer on top of the LupusMarch 2008- My Step grandmother dies and on the 1 year anniversary of Steve's passing I am at a funeralAnd all this while my Grandmother has alzheimers and dementia so bad and it is getting much worse. Last month they have to stop my mothers radiation as it is effecting her Lupus so bad it is giving her heart palpatations so now her 30% chance of survival rate has gotten lower.And now my daughter is moving out soon and I will be all alone in my house.So you see you are not alone, and like me you will somehow get through it. But I wonder if like me if you feel like you are not having the time you need to grieve as too much is going on in your life. I am 16 months into this journey and still feel like I have not barely begun to grieve. You will do okay my friend, it is not going to be easy but you will do it.Love,Wendy On a happier note I would like to wish my closest friend Gail a Happy Birthday ! Come on Gail show us your tattoo ! LOL ! Love you kiddo !!!Joe is it your Birthday too or is that another Joe ? If it is Happy Birthday, if it isn't well Happy Birthday to you anyway ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 (edited) Joe,I am sorry you are experiencing loss again. I am going through this with my friend. 5/31 she lost her husband. Yesterday she called, sobbing, and told me her sister (who is only 54) just died. She said she felt angry with God, and I told her that was okay, He has broad shoulders and can take it. She seems to feel she shouldn't cry, should be stoic, and I told her that her body is like a pressure cooker right now and her tears are the release valve, she needs to cry and get it out. I also told her that anger is just a stage in grieving and there's no way to skip a stage, she needs to get through it, that it's okay, it's just an emotion. I took her out to dinner and told her if that didn't work I was going to get her drunk (she doesn't drink). I just feel privileged that she is able to freely express herself to me because I know it's something she needs. Losing another person not only brings loss of its own to us, but it also triggers memories of unfinished business...grieving the loss of our spouse, and compounds into a double whammy for sure. I only pray that loss and other bad things slows down and something good happens for all of us...sometime soon.God be with you, Joe.KayC Edited July 30, 2008 by kayc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Dear Joe, I'm so sorry you are having to carry so much sadness in your heart - there really are no words, are there? Lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Kay I can not believe your dear friend now lost her sister too ! Was it a very sudden loss, as I don't remember you mentioning her sister was ill? How very sad, I wish you could get her to post here. Thank goodness she has you as a dear friend, what would she do without you?Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeA Posted July 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Thank you all for the caring response to my plea! Your support means so much because I know that you are all travelling a similar road. Wendy, I know you’ve had a lot on your plate for too long now, and I do keep you in my prayers. As for birthdays, mine is May 10. Kay, for your friend who struggles with crying, here’s what the poet and author Maya Angelou has to say:It is healthy and honorable to weep at the loss of someone we love.Healthy because such passion must be released.Honorable because it is respectful to admit the importance of people who have loved and supported us…people whose footprints cannot ever be matched.Peace and Love,- Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Wendy,Thank you for your interest...I doubt she will ever come on line, she's a very private person and somehow seems to think she should just be able to move on and take it well, which as you well know, is incredible pressure and unrealistic. She did tell me she is able to talk to me, so that is good, she knows it's okay to cry around me and she can show negative feelings and it's okay with me. Her sister had COPD, which is what her husband died from too, but her husband had it for quite a while, and her sister was only 54, she didn't expect her to die so soon, no. I spent the evening with her last night and she was doing better then, but I fully expect ups and downs, as that's how it seems to go. I think coupled with her husband's death and breaking her arm, she's just had enough! i appreciate your prayers on her behalf, her name is Virgie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Kay,At least she can talk to you and she knows all too well you understand. It is so good for you to have her to talk to too. I am not sure if you know but I also have COPD and this now worries me as I guess I never wanted to think of it as life threatening.Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Wendy,The main thing is to keep an eye on it, to go to your doctor regularly, and do whatever he/she tells you to! Like I say, Virgie's husband had it for years before he died. I think our will to live enters in big time in whether we continue the fight or go downhill. Her sister wanted to go and she did. You have much to live for and you are so young, please don't worry...just obey your doctor!We love you and need you here!KayC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Thank You Kay for your caring and advice, you are such a sweet person, what would this group do without you?Love You,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moparlicious Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 Joe,I am so sorry to hear of your heartache,there are some of who know exactly what your going through. At 40 years old my beloved husband died(we were married 20 years and have 3 children together)It will be a year this month. After his death 4 months later one of my best friends in the whole world died at the age of 41, then 3 months after her death my grandmother who I was very close to died too. I just found out this month my cousin and her little boy have ms. The final topper for me is my father in law, mother in law have cancer and my sister in law has lymphoma and is up and down with her health. This is really enough, ENOUGH, ENOUGH for me. I pray for strength and wisdom for you in all your days to come.Honestly I really do not know how I keep my sanity from day to day, my grief is so unreal,this fog may lift someday. Love, Kim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted August 3, 2008 Report Share Posted August 3, 2008 Kim, I think the only way you will be able to maintain your sanity is with baby steps. Some days you may have to go minute to minute and may gradually be able to think a day ahead, but if you look too much in to the future I think you'll be a basket case. Know that I will pray for you to be able to make it through all these hardships.Mary Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vickie O'Neil Posted August 9, 2008 Report Share Posted August 9, 2008 Joe,I'm glad you made it through another funeral today, & were able to speak!Vickie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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