Trying To Move On

[cheryl lee]

Its not been 2 months since my husband died, and I feel like life is comming at me to to fast. I have an opportunity to take a new job, but I am scared for a lot of reasons,Its a bit farther then I go now, but the moneys better and it has benifits I can use,I just feel a little pushed, my relatives are kind of making me feel if I don't jump on it....I don't know. I know its something I need to think about,but I like my job...so so ..I am just feeling really confused about what to do. Maybe it has to do with winter comming, and I am not good at driving on winter roads, if the weather was real bad my husband would take me, maybe thats part of it,and my employers now were so very good about when my husband got sick I feel some loyalty there, not some, a lot. I just don't know what to do. I have an interveiw tommorow, so I keep telling myself to just see what happens and deal with it. But I don,t want to,so much is happening to fast,I keep thinking I should do the expected logical thing, but god I don't know what that is.Thanks for listening,Cheryl lee

[mlg]

Go for the interview and then come home and take two pieces of paper and fold them down the middle. Write down the Pros for job A and on the otheside Pros for job B. Keep it folded so you can't see. Now on the other side do the same for cons. That way you can really compare. Remember money isn't everything and if the shoe doesn't fit you'll wear a "blister". Go with what your heart and gut tell you not anyone else. If you jump in to something you're not happy with or stay where you are miserable because you didn't take it you are just adding to your stress level and you don't need that right now. Just pray or meditate whatever you're comfortable with to get you through this.

Good luck in your endeavors and we'll all pray you make the best decision for you.

[MikeC]

Cheryl,

I have the same feelings of obligation and appreciation toward my employer, too. When my wife was so ill last spring they were very accommodating - letting me rearrange my class times so I could get home by noon to be with her, missing work when I needed to, and so on. That is the main reason I am back at it this fall (instead of joining the ranks of the retired). As Mary Linda says, go with your heart and gut feelings and you'll likely make the right decision.

Mike

[JeanneC]

Cheryl - My place of business has been wonderful to me during my husband's illness (5 months). I was out for the first 7 weeks after he had his heart attack. They paid me fully and did not charge me with any leave. They also supplied me with a car service for transportation. They did not want me to drive in my present condition. When I did return, I worked shortened hours and they were nice about that.

I am just about 4 years away from retiring and I feel that I would like to stay at my present job till I retire.

But, I know you have to do what is best for you and your livelihood. Hopefully you will think clearer as time goes by. But don't let an opportunity pass you by.

Love and God Bless

Jeanne

[kayc]

Cheryl,

You've already been given such good advice here. In looking back to when George died, my job meant the world to me, the people there were so supportive and wonderful. When that job ended and I got the job I have now, these people aren't the same, they didn't know George or know me when he died, and I lost that supportiveness. Also, you have to consider how it'll affect you to have yet another major change in your life. Everything you have cited are legitimate concerns (winter driving, etc.)...those are things I have to face now as I have a long commute I didn't used to have. It could be that the move would be good for you SOMEDAY but not now, but only you can decide that. I'm sure you could handle the changes and deal with them, but you have to do what feels right to you. Sometimes family just has a way of looking at the financial impact, etc. I have an older sister that tried to talk me into selling my home when George died, but it wasn't right for me, my home is my solace and she just didn't understand that, she was just looking at the practical side of things, not the rest. What is right for one person may not be right for another.

[AnnC]

Do what you think is best, but don't beat yourself up if you just don't want to make a change right now. The counselors at the grief center where I went all said it's best to avoid making any big changes in your life in the first year after a major loss. Sometimes it's unavoidable, but they all said if you can avoid moving or changing jobs or selling or buying anything major, it's best to wait.

Ann

[cheryl lee]

I went to my interveiw,don't know how well I did,I just keep telling myself it its meant to be....I do think I am trying to move to fast, I like to joke that my dogs are adverse to change,gee, where did they get it from? When my husband Dale first got diagnosed I told him I wanted to go with, but he said I had to stay and take care of the dogs,I feel kind of stupid because they seem like a major focal point in my life,if they try to run out without a leash I tell 'em do not let anything happen to you, you are the reason I had to stay.I realize this has nothing to do with my job situation,but it just feels good to get it out. Thank you all for listening and shareing, I feel so selfish when I read other posts, I want to write back but I feel like I don,t know anything yet....is this a normal thing? What is normal? and will I ever get it back in some form? Again, thanks for listening,Cheryl lee

[dpodesta]

Cheryl,

Right now you are learning what the new normal is and that will take time. One thing that I have heard over and over is during the first year do not make any major life changes unless it is absolute necessary. Personally if you are doing fine financially with your current job and are able to make ends meet and not struggle, then stay where you are for now. If however you are living check to check and struggling then look at the new job. Right now you need to concentrate on the rest of your life. Learning who you are right now. What might seem as a good fit right now may not seem so later down the road when you start figuring out who you are now. As far as contributing to this site, you have something to share and help with, you have 2 months more than someone who has just lost someone. That 2 months especially during the begining is a big deal. You are new and all of this is still so fresh and you are closer to those who just join. You do have something to share with them, and that is what you have done to get through these 2 months. All of us here have some degree of experience that will help someone else wether that is 2 months or 2 years. Just take it slow and consider all aspects of any major descisions that need to be made and you will do fine.

Love always

Derek

[kayc]

Cheryl,

I agree with what Derek said. My gut instinct is for you to stay put where you are comfortable, and if down the road you feel inclined to search for a new job, so be it, but right now I feel you need the supportiveness. If, however, you are really struggling financially and it would bring peace of mind, then that would be a consideration.

You do have plenty to offer and all of our exchanges back and forth add up to supportiveness...plus, your added perspective to the mix is always a positive!