Just Past The 2 Year Mark And...

[Guest Mrs.Charley]

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[kayc]

Mrs.Charley,

I'm glad you came back to this site, and that you found it in you to post, it helps to express what is inside.

I too have just one friend here, don't know where everyone else went. I, too, live for my animals. It is hard to go on, and sometimes we don't feel we have the strength, but we have to anyway.

I don't have any advice, only hugs...

[JeanneC]

Mrs. Charley:

I am sorry that you are still feeling so much pain. It is good that you posted again. What a wonderful picture of your husband and Rally. I wish I had some advice. Maybe you could try to find a support group that you could join. Getting out and being with people is very good therapy. I am mostly alone, if I am not at work. I do have friends that call and we sometimes get together. When your married for some time and your spouse is gone, you are basically alone, unless you have children that live with you. I do not have any children. I think it is very important that you talk about your husband and you life together. I happen to be lucky that my friends and family will listen to me. Talk about all the good things and funny things that happened. Don't think about the bad things.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

[dpodesta]

Mrs Charlie

In your post you said that you haven't forgiven yourself for the descision for moving. I believe that if you want the pain to go away and start moving forward, that is where you need to start. You need to forgive yourself. In my scenario, Karen had a tingleing in her left arm the night before she had the heart attack that took her life. Both of us just thaught that it was the nervous of going on the trip the next day and went to bed. The next day after we had arrived in Florida she died. She felt fine in the morning and duroing the flight. I asked my sister who is a nurse if we would have gone to the hospital the night before would she still be alive. My sister told me that because of the severity of the heart attack that she would have died the next day at the hospital instead of traveling on a trip doing what she loved to do. There is nothing I could have done to prevent her dying. For you even if you not moved this might have happened anyway, now while it might have been different circumstances it still may have happened. So go easy on yourself, give yourself the forgivness that you need so that you can move on and start to enjoy life. It has been 2 and a half years for me and while the first year was nothing but blackness, I can now see light and am now enjoying life, because I took that step to find out that nothing I did could have changed the ultimate outcome. Because I knew that I needed to know that answer in order to heal.

Love always

Derek

[Rosemary T]

Derek and Mrs. Charlie!

I also feel the guilt of not doing enough and Derek, like you I have been told that the heart attack was inevitable. I just am so grateful that he died with me right there rubbing his back and trying to soothe him instead of without me right there.

Derek,

I admire you for your attitude and hope I get there one day.

Mrs. Charlie,

you say everything EXACTLY the way I feel. Our situations sound very similiar right now. Even your Rally's love for the pets sounds like my Lou!

The best to both of you. If nothing else your words validate me!

Rosemary

[fred]

Welcome back Mrs. Charley. Thank you for posting. So many people pop in and out without saying a word. It is always good to hear another voice, to know that we are not alone, that someone feels the same way we do. Derek is right (he usually is) about letting go of your guilt concerning Charley´s death. I don´t think the healing can begin until you have accepted what has happened and realize that there is nothing that will change it now. Oh, if we all could go back and do something over again, wouldn´t that be great. We can´t. All we have is the here and now; work with what you have. My precious wife´s Dad passed away almost exactly three years before her (if she had known about this site, she might be here today. I certainly wasn´t much help to her while dealing with her grief). As they were putting him into the ambulance for his last ride to the hospital he turned to his wife and said,¨There aren´t going to be any could-of, would-of, should-ofs. We have always done the best we could with the knowledge we had. There isn´t going to be any looking back and second guessing.¨ I have had to think of those words often to keep from wallowing in doubt and self-pity. Please give it a try and try to do a little better at keeping in touch (lol). Hugs ((( )))

[Guest Mrs.Charley]

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