Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

The Sorrow Outweighs The Joy

Recommended Posts

Do you ever wonder how God could make people on such opposite ends of the spectrum? I mean from what I can tell by reading the posts in this forum, there are (were) some remarkable people in the world. We have all given accounts of our spouses that show the most wonderful aspects of the human condition.

What boggles my mind is how the exact opposite is also true. I am of course very depressed right now (it could be the holiday season coming up, it could be the fact that the one year anniversary of my Lou’s death is almost here, it could even be that “time of the month” that always seems to make me so cheery) but I am so sickened at the depravity of the human species right now. It seems like I am constantly hearing news programs about animals being abused, elderly being neglected, and terrorists who really think they are making a statement by killing innocent people.

I live very close to the Anthony’s (the grandparents of missing Caylee Anthony) and have even seen Cindy and George at the grocery store several times. I knew in my gut that Casey had killed her little girl but when a very young child’s body was found not far from my home with duck-tape wrapped around the head, I just got so overwhelmed again. Of course until the tests come back we won’t be 100% for sure that it is Caylee but the hair, clothes, size of the body, and other things at the scene make it pretty obvious that it is her.

How can such evil and such goodness exist together? It makes no sense to me. When Caylee first went missing and everyone thought she was probably dead (killed by her mother) and that the body would never be found, I just said to myself, if there is an after-life and if the spirits can be together, I just know that Lou has Caylee by the hand and is comforting her. Animals and babies just loved my Lou. They took to him immediately. They might be stand-offish with everyone else for awhile, but for some reason, they just sensed that Lou was the most gentle, loving person and they went to him without any hesitation.

The more I hear about the depravity of mankind the more I just cannot find any purpose in life at all. I know that is terrible to say, because there is so much joy out there and so much to be grateful for. Why does it seem like this evil is so much more powerful? Will I ever find any of that joy and peace again? For now I want to be the Ostrich who can stick his head in the sand and simply pretend it is not there. I need to keep turning the TV off or changing the channel and forcing my mind off of all of these horrible images of abuse, neglect, and killing.

Even people who are already suffering so much (like our dear friend Kim) get more trouble heaped on them in the midst of their grief. I have stopped asking “why” and simply shake my head in bewilderment and disbelief. Perhaps one of you will find a way to respond to my negativity with something that will be positive and uplifting. I hope so because I for one am “tapped”!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rosemary.. Here I thought I would give you this link... I use it from time to time when all there seems to be is negative and awful news.

Perhaps try reading some here and maybe you won't be feeling as tapped out by the bad stuff you are hearing about:


And I don't think for one minute evil is ever more powerful. It's all how one looks at things isn't it? The glass is half full or half empty.

When I'm staring at a half empty glass... I try to distract myself away from negative stuff with more positive stuff.

It may sound hokey but maybe watch a silly or 'feel good' movie. And also when I'm feeling so negative I may just skip watching the news on TV and skip reading it online and only read the comics in the newspaper for a few days. I know that can help me start seeing the glass at half full again.



Link to comment
Share on other sites


I don't think that cruel, twisted or evil people outnumber those who give goodness and love: I'd say there's at least an equal balance between the two. The difference is, the press and TV news focus so heavily on terrorism, murders, etc. that it gives us the impression that evil has taken over the planet. The media do that because sensational, negative news sells; it makes us feel fearful and sick, but it draws in large audiences.

I think that for the thousands of acts of violence and cruelty that happen every day, there are thousands or even millions of true stories about people making a positive difference in the world. But most of those stories don't gain attention; the news usually ignores them (except when the good deed involves a celebrity or cute puppies or kids) -- and many people who do good works would rather keep doing them quietly, without praise or publicity.

It's not being cowardly or ostrichlike to avoid the horrible news and images. You're not trying to live in a perfect fantasy world; you're protecting yourself from being polluted by too much exposure to depravity. I say "polluted" because that's what seems to happen when we're bombarded by too much negativity -- believing the fiction that evil conquers all brings out the worst in us and desensitizes us so that the more terrible things we see, the less they shock and upset us.

As long as we stay aware that evil happens and can happen to anyone, anytime (and we take what precautions we can), we don't have to buy in to the idea that the whole world has gone to hell and life is hopeless. And that makes us more able to see and appreciate the beauty, goodness and kindness that really is there around us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rosemary, I am sorry that you are feeling so down right now. It does appear that the pressures of secular society can be oppressive during the holiday season and we all have so much unhappiness to deal with even without these additions. I have noticed that, at times, my own grief is more than I can handle. Occaisionally, when popping in here for a little encouragement or reassurance that I am not alone in my feelings, I discover we have a new member. Instead of gathering strength, I am torn apart anew and not only can`t post, but have to step back for a bit. You are approaching that stage, and may in fact have reached it, where you need to protect yourself from some of what is happening outside your personal world. Take a break and withdraw for a day or two, or maybe a week. All that is happening today will still be in a similar state when you are up to facing it.

Many of us have mentioned feeling upset at viewing the world going on its merry way as we lay in tatters in our grief. Well, when things were good with us we were part of that merry world, now our eyes have simply been opened to another view. This has softened us, made us better, more compassionate people, but we have far to go to be whole again. For our own healing, for our own sanity; we may need to be a little selfish right now. I think it is all a part of grief. Go ahead, stick your head in the sand for a little while, if you can. I don`t think that there is anything wrong with self-preservation when there is nothing more you can do but be stunned by the evil and horror outside our doors. Remember we have to care for ourselves to get through this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


There are so many good things in the world too. It's just they don't get peoples attention so the bad news always gets the press.

Watch Extreme House Makeover on Sun. nights and see how people come together to help. Visit a Habitat for Humanity house. Right now there are all the angel trees, people working in bread lines and soup kitchens and food pantries. These are just the more obvious things. Sometimes you have to peek out a little, like go to a local school or library to see if they need help reading to the kids. Sometimes when we get involved it helps everyone. I know that you are a loving person because of your posts. Especially with the animals. Is there a shelter you could help with the animals?

We just need to show the world there is good and even though we are hurting we can do that. Every year I have my daughter pick one of her more needy students and I buy them things for Christmas. She gives it to the parent and they can give it from themselves or tell them it's from someone who cares. Somewhere I read about someone who pick a group who doesn't get much and buys them gym equip, shoes, whatever and then they put an empty envelope on the tree to show they did this. The year after their loved one died several family members put their envelopes on the tree ; so there is another instance of good being done without recognition.

Peace and good will

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Evil has not taken over our world, good still exists...it's just that the evil is so in your face it cannot be ignored, and as was mentioned before, the media portrays it so much more. I believe the power of good is so much more powerful than evil...it may seem that evil is winning sometimes, but the cards aren't all in yet! ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...