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Patti, dear ~ we don't know what has happened in your life right now, but we understand that it requires your full attention. Please know that whatever it is you're dealing with, we are here for you, holding you in gentle thought and prayer . . .

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Yes Patti please know our thoughts are with you. I'm awfully sorry that you have experienced yet another loss.

It has been my expereince that sometimes it seems these things happen in such quick succession, it can make one feel breathless and easily overwhelmed.

We're here for you. And I wish you peace....

((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

leeann

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Hey all, I am laying over on the way home and wanted to fill you in. My best friend from the days of the dinosaurs, well anyway, he has been having a hard time lately with loosing his mom to cancer 3 weeks ago, supposedly went on a business trip Tuesday to Texas, was found in a hotel room where he had shot his brains out because he lost his job and was too ashamed to face his wife and three kids under the age of 15.....

We had been im'ing since Monday and I knew that he was down, but not that far down.....I know don't do the woulda, shoulda, didn't thing......He stopped being on line early weds. morning and would not answer his phone, both cell and hotel.....his wife asked me to fly back to the states and go find him, which i was in the process of trying to do when I got an im from the police.....he had addressed the note to me so that his wife would be spared any pain.....yeah right!

He said that he had failed his family and friends by loosing his job to take care of mom....does this all sound familar???? He thanked me for being the strong one for some 40 years in his life as his big sister....yes we were that close....telling him he was a fool if he did not marry the love of his life......18 years ago....took him a while to work up the nerve.....and that he was ashamed that he could not tell me what he was planning on doing.......

He was the one who sent me to Australia to help because he knew that I needed to get away and get busy,,,,,always calling me the pit bull for humanity....I think that he wanted me to be far away.

He was a best friend to Stew and godfather to my Sheryl.....and we are all at the end of our ropes...Sheryl is glad that I hate guns, but is afraid that I will end up the same way.......not going to happen...maybe become a hermit in Alaska.....Stew, well he is shell shocked and is coming to meet me to bring the body home....yet another funeral to arrange......deep breath!

I thank you all for being here and was glad that I had a place to turn as panic turned to fear to complete lose! All of your prayers helped so many in the past few days come to grip with their grief and lose.

His death is such a waste of a great and caring man.....I want to find him and slap him upside what is left of his head.........crying, hurting, mad, and down right tired of death.........

Patti

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Patti, dear ~ I had a feeling that whatever this was would be about as awful as it could be. I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you, and to all the others who are or will be touched by this most horrible of deaths. I am reminded that , in his just published book, noted grief expert J. William Worden has written:

Richard McGee, who directed a large suicide prevention center in Florida, believes that “suicide is the most difficult bereavement crisis for any family to face and resolve in an effective manner” (Cain, 1972, p. 11). My own clinical experience with survivors of those who die by suicide confirms these observations . . . there is general agreement that the three main themes found in suicide bereavement are generally not found in other kinds of death losses: Why did they do it? Why didn’t I prevent it? How could he or she do this to me? (Jordan, 2001). [J. William Worden, in Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, Fourth Edition, © 2009 p. 180]

Surviving a suicide has been discussed before in our forums, Patti, and for now I want to point you to one such thread in hopes that it will offer you some information and support: My Baby Sister is Gone. Not all of it is relevant to your situation, but I think you'll find all the posts in this thread to be helpful just the same. See also the articles and resources listed on the Suicide Loss page of my Grief Healing Web site. As for helping your friend's family, see the articles listed on my Helping Someone Who's Grieving page, such as:

Helping Another in Grief

Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal (Scroll down the page until you come to this title)

Helping Survivors after Suicide

Above all, Patti, my prayer for all of you is that one day you will remember that your loved one's entire life was so much more than how he spent the last few moments of it. You are in our thoughts and prayers as you work through whatever lies ahead, and please promise us that you will take care of you as well as you are trying to take care of everyone else.

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Ditto to everything Marty said.

I'm so sorry hon. And I think you know... that you are not responsible in ANY way. He just saw only this way out. And I doubt he was thinking about how this would really impact all of you. His pain, I'm sure, blinded him to that somewhat or he wouldn't have done it from what you have told us about him.

Yet.... I do NOT blame you for your anger. And I'll bet he should be mighty glad you can't slap him upside the head right now.

You see... there it is... again......

If we didn't love so much... we wouldn't hurt so much.

I'm glad you had the blessing of him in your life. And I am heart sorry he chose to take himself out.

But... remember... his love... and the better times, than right now, if that helps any. If it doesn't... don't do that. In other words.. WHATEVER gets you through each minute is OK... but I would indeed take it a minute at a time.

Be gentle with you.....

We are all lifting you up.... and we're here.

leeann

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In Memory of my best friend:

You always followed me home from school asking questions about the world and how it works,

While I figure skated, you played hockey:how did I end up as the goalie and you perfected jumps and turns?

You built igloo's while I made snow angels:how did you end up bringing Christ into my life and I built teams.

I loved to read and you to think:you ended up writing the books and I was the idea person.

People always wondered why we didn't date:that would have been wrong in so many ways we always said: you married a student and I a teacher.

I loved the snow and ended up in the south:you loved the warmth and water and ended up in the north.

We have loved and laughed as you traveled the world to find and adopt your loving children:I traveled close to home and always found the stray animals.

Dear friend we have always been one of the same cloth, quiet souls who were gifted with the art of speech presentation.

While folks around us perfected loving a few friends, we had to love all whom we touch.....

You were my twin and my opposite, my friend, my savior in Christ:you cheered me on thru my grief and pain proud of your pit bull for humanity.

You saw life as romance yet mastered the art of facts:I saw life as black and white yet mastered the art of compassion.

Ours was a trip on a road not traveled but built one day and step at a time and always in the same direction.

We grew from two skinny kids that other kids thought were different into adults that others wondered where we got our "Presence"

from........

We learned together, loved together, fought for others together, made families and friends together.

We always were two sail boats at the same dock in storms and calm waters.

Now you are a million stars that shine in the night and I can only watch,

Your beauty, compassion, warmth, trust, humor and love have gone quietly from our dock and left many with no wind in our sails.

Breath life back into our nights, warmth in our days as you smile from on high.

Help us to share your dreams and continue what you have left behind sweet prince.

Walk with me in the green pastures, lead me to the still waters, show me how help others recover from your pain.

Until we meet again, be calm my dear friend and rest in the peace of eternal love.

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Patti, dear ~ I had a feeling that whatever this was would be about as awful as it could be. I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you, and to all the others who are or will be touched by this most horrible of deaths. I am reminded that , in his just published book, noted grief expert J. William Worden has written:

Richard McGee, who directed a large suicide prevention center in Florida, believes that “suicide is the most difficult bereavement crisis for any family to face and resolve in an effective manner” (Cain, 1972, p. 11). My own clinical experience with survivors of those who die by suicide confirms these observations . . . there is general agreement that the three main themes found in suicide bereavement are generally not found in other kinds of death losses: Why did they do it? Why didn’t I prevent it? How could he or she do this to me? (Jordan, 2001). [J. William Worden, in Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, Fourth Edition, © 2009 p. 180]

Surviving a suicide has been discussed before in our forums, Patti, and for now I want to point you to one such thread in hopes that it will offer you some information and support: My Baby Sister is Gone. Not all of it is relevant to your situation, but I think you'll find all the posts in this thread to be helpful just the same. See also the articles and resources listed on the Suicide Loss page of my Grief Healing Web site. As for helping your friend's family, see the articles listed on my Helping Someone Who's Grieving page, such as:

Helping Another in Grief

Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal (Scroll down the page until you come to this title)

Helping Survivors after Suicide

Above all, Patti, my prayer for all of you is that one day you will remember that your loved one's entire life was so much more than how he spent the last few moments of it. You are in our thoughts and prayers as you work through whatever lies ahead, and please promise us that you will take care of you as well as you are trying to take care of everyone else.

Marty,

Thank you for the links, they were a great help.

Feeling numb but at peace after a 2 hour walk/run and venting time with myself and my ipod, the trees thought I was strange, but that is fine.

Patti

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I have been thinking about you a lot since I read this posting. One of the things I fear after losing my mom is that I will lose someone else. I will pray for you each day as you are trying to cope with exactly that. I like your idea of running. I think I will try that too. I think some of the best advice I have recieved is never worry about what others think about the way you grieve. We all deal with things in different ways. Hang in there!

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Patti

The words are beautiful.. and healing too. And I'm left feeling so grateful that you had such a friend.

You are doing great.. even though I know it doesn't feel that way.

Run... yup... do whatever you need to.

And know we will be "with" you as you say "see you later" in the coming days.

(((((hugs)))))

leeann

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I have been thinking about you a lot since I read this posting. One of the things I fear after losing my mom is that I will lose someone else. I will pray for you each day as you are trying to cope with exactly that. I like your idea of running. I think I will try that too. I think some of the best advice I have recieved is never worry about what others think about the way you grieve. We all deal with things in different ways. Hang in there!

Carole,

thank you for the thoughts and prayer, mine are with you as well... reach out to me for what ever you need and I will be here for you friend.

Patti

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Here is a thought for each of us.....how hard is it to just be ourselves....nothing more and nothing less?

Think about 10 things that great people have done that are dumb......

Where and how did we loose ourselves because we care and love....

We are indeed the unique ones, the loving ones,,,,,and the ones that others look for support.

We are not untouched by what we have done, felt, gone thru, we still reach out and help those who feel the same, and that is great since it makes us feel more whole.....

Sleep well tonight all of us as a team of caring folks and know that thru this site, we are whole......let me know what you think???

Patti

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello all,

There is a great light at the end or middle of the tunnel....as you learn to take of yourselves, with all the love and compassion that have brought us to this place, reach out and feed one homeless person a day.

Listen to what they have to say about their lives journey, a pack of lunch meat and a loaf of bread, a bag of fruit and a box of juice,,,,,,,,we are so blessed in what we have,,,a computer to reach out to those who care., a roof over our head...

When I have talked to those in my home town, I have found that they did not share their grief or down turns in life with anyone.....I have a team that takes our lap tops and food to parts of Atlanta and let these souls share their and our pain for the first time in their lives....they love you all, here are some of the things that would like to say...no spelling comments please.....

lost my home, lost my mom and dad, i am 7 and thnaks

i thanx you for grief spurrts notes...blessings

Thanks for this place and sharing with me,,,I am a good person, just lost from loose.

thanks for the bears and memorys I can go on..

Just something for all of us to think of....I will be here all night if you want to send notes back.....yes Marty, I am taking care of myself as I take care of others.

Patti

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Thank you Marty,

I have found myself at at a loss of words..... and the funny thing is that this simple idea is has taken off and all I ask is that you help spread the word around the country... as the word of God speaks..and pours down like rain,,,he is here with all of his love.

Patti,,,,it is really needed....calling all angels

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In Memory of my best friend:

You always followed me home from school asking questions about the world and how it works,

While I figure skated, you played hockey:how did I end up as the goalie and you perfected jumps and turns?

You built igloo's while I made snow angels:how did you end up bringing Christ into my life and I built teams.

I loved to read and you to think:you ended up writing the books and I was the idea person.

People always wondered why we didn't date:that would have been wrong in so many ways we always said: you married a student and I a teacher.

I loved the snow and ended up in the south:you loved the warmth and water and ended up in the north.

We have loved and laughed as you traveled the world to find and adopt your loving children:I traveled close to home and always found the stray animals.

Dear friend we have always been one of the same cloth, quiet souls who were gifted with the art of speech presentation.

While folks around us perfected loving a few friends, we had to love all whom we touch.....

You were my twin and my opposite, my friend, my savior in Christ:you cheered me on thru my grief and pain proud of your pit bull for humanity.

You saw life as romance yet mastered the art of facts:I saw life as black and white yet mastered the art of compassion.

Thank you dear friend for the foresight to create a donation group on your behave,,,,I have spoken about giving to your community, we are taking $50,000 a year to feed the homeless on Butch's behalf.....take your left overs and feed the homeless in your home town,,,it is easy to do, contact your local church and find out who could use 1 meal a day....Marty, please pass this forward.

Patti

Ours was a trip on a road not traveled but built one day and step at a time and always in the same direction.

We grew from two skinny kids that other kids thought were different into adults that others wondered where we got our "Presence"

from........

We learned together, loved together, fought for others together, made families and friends together.

We always were two sail boats at the same dock in storms and calm waters.

Now you are a million stars that shine in the night and I can only watch,

Your beauty, compassion, warmth, trust, humor and love have gone quietly from our dock and left many with no wind in our sails.

Breath life back into our nights, warmth in our days as you smile from on high.

Help us to share your dreams and continue what you have left behind sweet prince.

Walk with me in the green pastures, lead me to the still waters, show me how help others recover from your pain.

Until we meet again, be calm my dear friend and rest in the peace of eternal love.

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Thank you Marty,

I have found myself at at a loss of words..... and the funny thing is that this simple idea is has taken off and all I ask is that you help spread the word around the country... as the word of God speaks..and pours down like rain,,,he is here with all of his love.

Patti,,,,it is really needed....calling all angels

Marty, Can you please post the plea?

Thanks,

{Patti

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