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To Work Or Not To Work...?

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Hi everyone,

I am doing some delayed greiving for my mother and it is hitting very hard, some days I cannot hold it together in work. I never took one day off school when my mum died and just threw myself into my studies, and after that straight into a job, I have never given myself time to grieve. Not facing the truth head on meant that I could get on with life, but in a very solemn mood, and I have been depressed for years without really facing the core reason of it.

After a particularly tough week last week - I was thinking of taking a few weeks off to let myself rest and deal with it all - I was all prepared to do this and came in to work today to speak with my manager about arranging time off - but today [for the first day in a while] I am feeling ok and able to cope! And now I don't know whether taking time off is a good idea or not - how can I justify being off on days when I am feeling ok? Then I would feel guilty about not working!

My moods are very up and down at the moment, last week it was hard just to leave the house for a few days, but today was ok, but then tomorrow may not be - its so unpredictable, I'm not sure what to do for the best. The last thing I want to do now is keep trying to trudge through my daily routine with a brave and smiling face as I have been doing for so long. My counsellor and doctor both suggest anti-depressants so that I can get on with 'everyday life' ie keep going to work and do my normal routine, and then use my counselling sessions to 'tap into the pain at will' - well to me, the tablets would just be another way to block this pain out, and I think I have been blocking it in so many other ways for long enough already. And with anti-depressants, surely it just numbs the pain, and the pain will still be there when you stop taking them - so is it not only delaying grief even more?

The thing about grief is that it is so unpredictable - how are you meant to manage that whilst continuing with life? And can you really just sit down and decide now is the time to feel the pain - surely it just comes up at the most unexpected times?

What are others opinions on this? My only worries are that if I do take time off work I will fall into the rut of staying in my house and being alone too much which may make me feel even more alone; and also that if I do take a few weeks off and it doesn't even help - then its time off for nothing....

Any advice or suggestions from anyone who's been there would be helpful right now.

Thanks and blessings to all,


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What I found with Anti-depressants is that they help you level off. It numbs some of the pain but not all of it. You are still able to feel and to deal with your emotions as when you are working with your counsolor. But it sounds like you are going up and down in very large hills and valleys. The anti-depresants will level you in-between those hills and valleys. As far as taking some time off from work, if you have the time to take and can do it then take a few days off without feeling guilty about taking it. You need some time for yourself every now and then.

Love always


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I feel like we are in exactly the same boat. In fact, I just took off from my job this morning. I also have been considering anti-depressants, but I'm worried about the side effects and I really hate the idea of being medicated just to escape the pain.

Although I don't have any words of wisdom for you, all I can say is that I'm going through the same thing right now; being okay one day, not able to leave the house the next. I'm looking forward to what other people have to say, because I think it will help me too.

We're all going to be okay,


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i know that i've been taking an anti-depressant and it so has helped with my concentration and attention. i ran out a few days ago and it is showing pretty significantly that it was helping me lots. my doctor told me the best you can do is try it out and if its not for you then its not. i felt extremely weird like i was kind of giving up and taking something for it but it has helped and i feel better. i have had no side effects. you just got to sit down with your doctor and have them give you the 411 on what would be the best one for you. my doc told me ya know try it for about a month and if you see no difference or feel weird on it then stop. i remember i had a headache for the first few days but she said that was normal cuz your body is trying to adjust to something new. i guess i would recommended talking to your doctor and maybe trying it to see. i agree with you derek that's about how i feel with it. it just seems to allow me to be alittle bit more controlling over my feelings and i can let them out when i need to, most of the time.

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My experience with Anti-Depressants is they help to keep you in focus so that you can handle things alittle more rationally. They do not take all your pain away, they do not fix any of your problems, they just help you to cope in such a subtle way you don't even really notice it. You still feel, you still cry you still hurt etc. it just takes some of the edge off and of course that also depends on the dosage, I am on a very mild dosage. If your doctors feel it will help you then you have to make that decision yourself whether you agree with them. I do not feel any side effects, but that does not mean you won't. If you do try them though do not just stop taking them suddenly, you have to be slowly weened off of them or you could experience sudden health problems not to mention withdrawls. I think it is better to go back to work as soon as possible, I gave it 3 weeks as it helps to keep you busy, but the amount of time is purely an individual decision. By all means if you feel taking a couple days off to relax, go right ahead if it is allowed but then get right back in there again. The longer you take off the harder it is to get back into the swing of things again...good luck.

Love Always,


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