Is It Normal?

[nikol87]

It s 3 months since my grandma died and such i ve already said, i miss her very very much.. but now i m worry about me.. every night i want to sleep only to see her in me dreams, to be with her, to talk with her. I know that my dream is the only place now we can be together.. but yesterday night i think about her and i took my mobile phone and call her home number. I let it to ring.. of course i didn t wait that someone will answered but it was such a strange feeling to call her number again.. Is it normal?

[Boo Mayhew]

Nikol, let me tell you that soon after I lost my husband, I tried his cellphone .... and I also took a photo of my living room to find out if the camera's eye could see him even though I could not. I admitted this on my blog, yet have never actually told someone about either of those actions out loud.

I'm sure it's pretty common, just not talked about or admitted readily. We feel as though we are losing our very sanity, and sometimes I am amazed that I haven't, let alone that I am still breathing after seven months.

My personal opinion on grief is that so long as you don't hurt yourself or others, anything is okay. We all react differently, there isn't a help manual to guide you.

Trying to call her is just you missing her so much, desperate to hear her voice, reassurance that she is alright where she is now ... in my way of looking at it.

At 3 months, you are still in the numb, disbelief then believing stage. Your world has been shifted on its very axis. Be patient with yourself and don't worry about how your grief manifests itself. Grief is weird, tiring and teaches you things that you never even thought about before, like how deep you can fall, how much capacity your heart has to love, and empathy, not to mention putting all your priorities into perspective.

You are allowed to grieve as deeply as you need to. Give yourself permission - doing so was liberating for me, and helped get me started on this journey of recovery from the immense loss that you and I have suffered.

Take care, sending you love across the Aegean Sea :-)

[mlg]

I lost my friend 10 years ago this past March and there are still times I find myself thinking about picking up the phone to call her. The funny thing is we only talked 2 or 3 times a year but when it nears the times that it usually was I still want to call her. I have to say I haven't wanted to call Tom, maybe because we didn't talk to each other on the phone much because we were always together, but I would sure like some dreams.

[Chai]

Nikol,

I think it is normal. Like others have said, they too have the urge to call their loved ones. I called my dad's cellphone a lot after he passed away, until they canceled the number, because I wanted to hear his voice on the message machine. It made me sad and simultaneously happy to hear his voice. I still call up the landline number of his apartment, and the woman who took care of him and my grandmother, has kindly kept his voice message on the machine for me (and for others, who want to hear his voice). Listening to it sometimes makes me stunned...how can he be gone? He sounds so alive!

We want to dream of our loved ones, we want to hear their voices, we want to hug them again...oh, I really wish I could hug my dad again. It's the thing that's most impossible (since I have had dreams, and recordings of his voice), and I really, really want to! I guess our brains on grief just...everything hurts.

Sorry for the downer post...I can relate to what you are saying, Nikol. (((Hugs))).

take care,

Chai

[JamesI]

Chai:

What you told Nikol reminded me of the same feelings.

I really miss talking with my mother and I hope that I would dream of her.

I have had some vague dreams, but, wish the dreams would be more vivid. I also miss hugging my mother as you said about hugging your father. I suppose we are normal because we loved them so much and of course we miss them so much.

take care,

James

[cubby]

I too wish for dreams of my mom. I can only remember 1 dream since she passed away. It didn't show her face I only heard her voice. She told me everything was going to be alright. I had just received a call from my doctor, who wanted to do a more thorough mamogram. They thought there was a cyst or lump in my breast based on my yearly checkup. I was extremely upset and worried. That was the only time that I can recall having a dream since my mom passed. I think about all the phone calls that we shared... If I call the number today, my dad answers the phone, so I don't ever gear my mom anymore. I'm so afraid I'll forget what she sounded like. I wish for dreams of her that I will be able to remember. Thanks for letting me ramble.

Cubby

[southern eagle]

Nikol,

Did she have a message at her number? Yes it is normal to want to hear her voice. I did that with my dad for months. You are doing great and are being real with your loss. I really hated that phrase for months, but, learn to cry, learn to be human, learn to say that loss hurts, and then look at all of the great things that you learned along the way. Take those and share it with those who want to hear. One step at a time. Do not push yourself to be perfect,,,,just be real.....your real self that you know was loved by your grandmother. Nothing more and nothing less.

[southern eagle]

Hey Chai,

How are you doing? It has been a year since we talked and I am sorry for that.

I have gone on to start a womans healing retreat to share these kind of emotions.

It is amazing how much isolation that we feel and think that we have no where to turn.

I hope that you are healing and by your post I love that you are reaching out to others as well.

Stay in touch, spunkmister@hotmail.com

Patti