Anti-Depressants, Alcohol?

[azusaman]

My doctor has urged me to start taking anti-depressants. The real urge I have is to drink even though I was a very mild drinker before my wife died of liver failure. Has anyone else had these same urges or feelings to anesthetize themselves with some type of chemical? This is something I railed on my wife about and now I'm wanting to do the same thing.

[Boo Mayhew]

I sure did want to, but was careful because I knew that it would have a worse effect on me because of what happened a week after Cliff died ... I shared a bottle of good quality red wine with his brother at a family dinner out, and it totally magnified all the pain, the fear and I totally lost it ... I was screaming and howling at Cliff begging him to come and get me, whilst lying in the snow, wearing only jeans and a shirt. I remember not feeling cold. Otherwise all I can remember is Cliff's older brother carrying me into a car, and then I laid screaming on the lounge floor ... to be honest, the shock may have come with or without the wine ... but I feel like I don't want to go there again. I honestly felt my sanity waving goodbye to me.

What I needed was social drinks with friends and luckily I got that. I do allow myself a vodka and coke weeknights if I fancy one, otherwise I'm a weekend drinker. Drink is fun when you are in control of it, not the other way round, and you are the last person who needs to be told that ... but what I am trying to say is, it is also fun in company, not alone. It is a huge "downer". And jeez, we don't need to be more down than we are - in fact, could we be????

I tried anti-depressants and had adverse reaction to them, culminating in me having suicidal thoughts (very different to the mindset that most widow/ers have of "I want to be with him/her." The latter is a passive wish, the former is a dangerous place to be, esp when vulnerable. BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT - I AM IN THE VERY SMALL MINORITY - most people would be 100% fine with them.

Personally, I define depression as being sad without a reason. Well, we are sad and we have a reason - a very big one ... grief is something that we can't really delay or numb, it will come out in other ways (physically, mentally etc) What I have learned, now at 9 months along, I am stronger than I knew, and I am still breathing ... not a huge learning, but I think it's what you need to hear? That you too will get to where I am. Yes, the pain is sometimes unspeakable, and you feel like you are drowning .... breath, be still, and it will pass (everytime I feel that I can't do this ... I say those words out loud to myself.)

Taking meds is a personal decision tho, please don't think that you should necessarily do what I did ... because that was the right decision for ME only. Perhaps consult your doctor and make an informed decision with him. Many widow/ers take them and swear they work a little magic for them.

Please just take some time to think before getting (or not) your Rx.

Boo xx

[mrspapajohn]

My doctor prescribed anti-depressants for me after my husband died, because I could not stop crying. The pills did not alleviate my sadness, but they did help me get control of my outward emotions. All-in-all, they really did help.

I have not even been tempted by alcohol. I know that it is a depressant and I certainly do not need that. I do have a glass of wine at dinner with friends, but I never drink alone. There are still times when I lay in bed and can't keep unwelcome images out of my mind. Then, I still get up and take an anti-depressant. It calms me enough that I can sleep.

Every one is different, but I relied on my doctor and it worked out for me.

Kathy

[Fredzgirl]

I made an appointment with my Dr, feeling that I was on the verge of depression for awhile. He told me that it was natural that I was depressed after Fred's death. He also said that ant-depressants take some time to start working. I was into something more immediate. He did give me a script for Xanax to relieve anxiety. I took a few but I didn't feel like they had much of an effect. The best part was that they are in the cabinet just in case I needed them. My advice is to talk to your Dr and discuss symptoms and options. Self-medicating with alcohol is never a good choice.

[mlg]

Yes, I can see how one develops a drinking problem very easily. There is all this loneliness and hurt and you want something to take it away. Luckily I have resisted it but the temptation has been there at times and see how it could become a habit easily. Just remember even if it numbs it for the moment, when it wears off the situation is still there and if you feel sick or more depressed then you've got more problems.

[Korina]

I have not seriously been tempted by alcohol because I am still nursing our daughter, but also because alcohol essentially took my husband's life and deprived my daughter of her father, not to mention me of my best friend. I occasionally desire the odd social drink, but still have an emotional aversion to it. And I know that drowning my sorrows in it would be the wrong thing to do, nursing or not.

As for anti-depressants, I have no experience here. However, keeping in close contact with your doctor, prescriptions or not, I think is advisable for all of us going through this unwanted journey.

Korina

[kayc]

Just know that it isn't a magical cure and only compounds problems. Do you have family, kids, grandkids? Try to abstain for them...

When you're tempted, try and think of something positive you can do, like go for a walk, it makes you feel better and does something GOOD for you...and thus your family.

[azusaman]

Thanks Kayc, that's probably good advice and I should abstain. I do have a son and granddaughter (49 & 23) and love them both dearly. I'm going to the gym 4 or 5 days a week now and that helps but I messed up the other day and got wasted and sure did pay for it the next day. I think the way this whole thing is playing out for me is summed up in one word.."patience" of which I have very little. Stay tuned.

[kayc]

Could you maybe set up something on a regular basis to look forward to? I've found that helps. Maybe a night a week when you have someone over for dinner and a video, or a night out with a friend. It helps to hang in there when you have something to look forward to. It wouldn't even have to be the same thing/person every week, just schedule something!

[Korina]

When I have doubts about taking care of myself or spirally emotionally downward, I have and will continue to think of 2 things: 1) I promised Scott I would be a good mother, and 2) I have others still here who care about me. In essence, I have responsibilities and love still here on earth. And I know Scott would not want me to hurt myself or those who love me and love him. He is watching over us, but I still must and want to be the best person I can be - it would make him proud.

Korina