Korina Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 October 17 marks 4 months since I last heard my man's voice, and the 19th is the 4 month anniversary of That Day. Right now, I am actually somewhat calm, peaceful, but so so sad. No doubt, I will relive those 3 days in ICU several times over the next while. However, I do have plans. Tonight, we (Kailyn and I) went to the jazz restaurant that our very good friends (adopted family, really) own. At the end of the 1st set, the singer tonight sang, "It's a Wonderful World". That was our song (at least I hope it was, because Scott would always check - but in actuality, I don't really remember the song - I mostly remember our dance). At any rate, our friend sang this song beautifully at his memorial, and this evening, it was also beautiful. And then, the band played out the set with the Pink Panther theme for Scott (they would always play it for him), and now also for our daughter. Tomorrow, we are going to a 5 year old birthday party (again in the extended adopted family). And on Monday, I will take our daughter to the Ghost Train. Halloween was one of Scott's favorite occasions. While it is not really a celebration (how can you celebrate That Day...?), I think it is a good way to mark the day. Anyhow, it just feels good to write this down and record it (I think I will put this in a letter to my baby, as well). Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Korina, I'm glad you had a good day passing the 4 month mark. Yesterday was my 2 month mark (17 days in critical care) and my son came over to watch the OU-Texas football game. Our team (OU) lost but all in all, it took my mind off the day. Interesting factoid is, "It's A Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong was Adrianne's favorite song. I used to put together collages of her favorite songs a burn them to cd's for her to play in her car. We would name them "A's Favorites". I was driving her car around yesterday playing all these songs with tears running down my cheeks but feeling good about the memories. Best to you, Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Korina, my thoughts and prayers are with you on these difficult days. Wish I had some words of wisdom but all I can say is that it sounds like you are making wise decisions by planning ahead. I'll remember that as I approach the one month date (10/23) which is quickly approaching. I hadn't really thought about what I would do on that date. I have CDs with a lot of Brian's favorite songs on them (my sister made them for his memorial service). I also drive with tears running down my face. While it is painful to listen, it also helps to remember. I just wish this would get easier. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Abeytia Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Korina, I know how you feel today is the 8th month annivarsy for my Ben, and it is also my son Relles, 30th Brithday I have been up all night crying and remembering the day that our Relles was born it was a sad time in our life as i had just lost my stepfather on Oct 13, and Ben had just lost his Uncle Relles Sept 30th but we were so happy to welcome our baby boy, I don't know why but all night i have been reliving that day a day i had not thought of in 30 yrs....I can see the smile on Ben's face when he saw our baby and I can hear his voice telling me what he and my uncle decided to name him....I think of we remember all the little things like favorite songs....it's there way of letting us know they are all right....I still miss him like crazy and i still cry everyday....Hopefully some day we will all have a day without tears!!!! Have fun as you celebrate the day with your daughter!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Hi Korina, I hope the next few days will remain calm and peaceful for you. Enjoy your time with your daughter. Children are truly a gift. Take care. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted October 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Thanks, guys. I hear "It's a Wonderful World" so much now... I played the Bob Marley CD he got me for Christmas 2 years ago a lot in the car - he loved Bob Marley. Today was a good day. We went to little Miki's birthday party, then to his brother's hockey game (wow, for a 6 year old, can he ever skate!), and then out to dinner. Our good friend, Anne (matriarch of our adopted family) said today was one of the best days she had had in a long time, because she got to spend the whole day with her family (Scott and I, and now Kailyn, have been included in their family for a long time). It was just nice to be around good people and to be occupied. One more day to go. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Oh, Korina, I'm glad to hear that you had a good day with your family. You give me hope that somehow I can make it through this loss. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrm Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Korina, You have been an inspiration to me with your courage. I know you talk about some set backs but I see you with the strength to move forward. You have your sweet baby girl to comfort you. As you celebrate each anniversary have a plan for something fun for Scott wants to see you happy. God Bless. jrm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted October 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Today was the 4 month anniversary of That Day. It was a lazy day. When we went out for a quick walk, I was so sad. The tears kept welling up. So many memories, happy and sad. I remember the day that my husband went into rehab. He was so sick. I went to say goodbye with our daughter. He looked at our girl and said with the saddest eyes and a smile, "Is she coming with me?" I weep every time at that memory. It was actually the first day he had really seen her in 5 weeks, as I had left him to stay with friends, to try and jolt him into quitting drinking. I know I did what I did for the right reasons, but I still feel incredibly guilty because he had so little time with her. I still can't believe it all didn't work out with the 3 of us (5 including the kitties) happy, healthy and together. Sigh. But Kailyn and I went to the Ghost Train - she was very curious, and all in all, it was a good evening. I am going to toast my baby with ginger ale in a champagne glass. Candles are flickering away. The cats have been great, as well. Thanks all for letting me get it all out. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Korina, you remain in my thoughts and prayers. I don't have any answers for you but I think you are doing what you have to do and you are honoring Scott's memory. Let the memories continue to come. Cry when you need to and smile when you can. Peace, love, and blessings to you. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Korina, you might like to read this article, as I'd actually say that it should be called the 4 - 7 month low (as we all go along this journey at our own pace) ... you may find it confirms everything you are feeling now, and give you a tiny shred of help simply by confirming that it's normal. I find identifying with others very helpful ... it makes me feel less alone. http://www.merrywidow.me.uk/guide_full.html#TheSixMonthLow Love to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted October 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Thanks, Boo - some really good stuff. It's good to see you back. I hope you had a good last couple of weeks. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Korina, You are doing the best you can do, and trying to maintain a positive attitude, that's all any of us can do. Our hearts are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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