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Tomorrow I am attempting to return to work 1/2 day and then Friday 1/2 day. Have mixed feelings about returning as I have not been there since September 11. Although my work family was there for me through my husband's illness, it will be hard to go back and take on the additional stress of my job. Find myself counting down the hours as I don't want this time at home to end. It was my time and I feel like when I return tommorrow, they will expect me to be back to "normal". Needless to say, there is no normal to return to anymore. We all change when we go through this journey. I wonder if in fact they can accept the new me? I worry that I am much to sensitive yet to be there. I worry I will not be able to face it all. If not for financial issues/insurance, I would not even consider returning at all. But for now, I must. I will return to my work as a widow. Even though I type that word, it still does not sink in fully. Wonder when it does? They say this all gets easier and I hope that will be the case. Well, hugs from Lancaster Co PA on this rainy morning. Blessings to all, Debbie

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Debbie,

Best wishes on your return to the working world. I went back to work 2 1/2 weeks ago. So far it has been good. I find myself so preoccupied with what I'm doing that I can almost forget how much I am suffering. Sometimes I hear people wispering," Oh its a shame that Stu is a widower" I hate that word. It is something I never wanted to be called.Do the best you can, lean on some of your co-workers who can understand your pain. I know they are few and far between, but there is usually one in every office or workplace. You sound like a terrific person, if they can't accept the "new you", that is thier problem. Don't apologize to anyone. I pray that things will get easier for all of us who are suffering a loss. Here is a hug for you from my rainy part of PA.

Bless you,

Stuart

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Stuart,

Thank you for the gift of the right words at just the right time. Blessings to you and your sons as you all walk through this. Our sons grieve much differently then we do, and my heart aches for the answers they seek, and the emptiness they feel, although they may not share this with us, I believe it is there. They want to protect us and I am finding my son has unspoken anxiety of me dying as well, and I have been told this is normal for them to be apprehensive. I will remember your sons as well as you, in my prayers. And by the way, it is so nice to have a man's prospective/advise/kind words and feel the love you feel so deeply for your Heidi. Hugs and a smile. Debbie

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Hi Debbie,

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. It's a huge step to return to work. Allow yourself grace if you find that you need to leave early. I hope that your co-workers are sensitive to your needs and your grieving process. There is no longer a "normal" and you should not be expected to conform to others' ideals. Be who you are with all of your sensitivity and compassion and know that you are never alone -- God and Dean are there to lift you up and to carry you when necessary. If you find that you need to speak to a friend, please call on me. I'll always be glad to listen.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

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Stuart,

Thank you for the gift of the right words at just the right time. Blessings to you and your son as you both walk through this. And by the way, it is so nice to have a man's prospective/advise/kind words and feel the love you feel so deeply for your wife. Hugs and a smile. Debbie

Hi Debbie,

How courageous you are returning back to work so soon in your loss...I would tell everybody that "I'm here but normal for me is different" "please understand and be patient with me, I break easy" Tell some of the caring ones to help you thru your first time back and don't think of "I'm a widow now" think of it as "I'm being taken care of by God now"...I'm so glad that you are taking 1/2 days to get used to the routine again...Yes, I know what you mean you are a "new me"...this gives people a chance to learn to open their hearts, especially if they were there for you when your hubby was sick.....you know the ones that will be there for you now.....they will like the "new you" because when people approach you, they will with grace know that you are hurting, and if not then go to that quiet place that you have found with this loss and find acceptance there...I will pray that work will not be stressful for you and when you get home, you will be tired but grateful that you got the first day under your belt. Bless you Debbie, Rochel

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All of the blessings I have received and find myself being so thankful for, are and will remain, the kindness, understanding, and caring of everyone here on this forumn. Thank you all for reading, listening, responding, and simply being here. God Bless~ Debbie

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In going back to work I find many different feelings coming to the surface. Lost, sad, trying to be strong, find myself wishing for a different job that is more gentle to people then the one I currently have. Today as I was helping someone file a complaint, the older man asked me if I was married. I simply told him no. He asked "why not"? I held it together in front of him till another clerk heard what he was saying and came to rescue me. Off to the ladies room for me. Thought I would pass out from crying so much. Made reality really sink in. Once again, I thank you all so much for your kindness, prayers and replies as you are all going through this journey. Blessings, Debbie

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Wow Debbie,

How difficult...An older man to boot...I'm glad that your workmate rescued you...Reality stinks doesn't it??? Until it slaps you in the face once again...Hope you can fend the fiends off everytime...Bless you, Rochel

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Rochel - glad you finally got your picture uploaded - it is a really good one.

Debbie - what a weird question for someone to ask. I hope things get easier at work - I doubt too many other people will ask you that question.

Take care,

Korina

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