Holidays Without

[Dianna]

This is my first holiday since the loss of my partner Nancy, who passed away Christmas Eve, 2008. I spent 21 years with her and 21 YEARS OF HOLIDAYS. I just don't know if I can do this without her. We didn't have many friends but the ones we had are tried to be understanding but they aren't. They can't begin to comprehend what is is like without their loved one with them especially after that length of time. So many thoughts go through my head but I still have our 3 dogs who, without them, I would have really been lost. I read many other topices in the section of Hospice online and I can relate to many of them. I am just so tired, physically and mentally, trying to make a new life for myself. Many people think I should sell the house that we have lived in for 16 years and move to something smaller and without memories. Nancy died, unexpectedly, at home from a heart attack. I can't just leave that!! I feel she is with me in the house and, for now, that is important. I get tired of making decisions, facing situations and trying to figure out what to do with an given situation. All I ask is that I make it through the holidays in one piece. Thank goodness I work full time. If I didn't work, I think I would drive myself crazy. Oh well, on with life. At least I know that I can express my feelings when I need to. Thank you all for listening. Happy holidays, Nancy.

[LindaKoz]

Hi Dianna,

Yeah, the holidays are going to be really challenging this year. I lost my fiance 8 weeks ago. My son and I are going to the beach for Thanksgiving. My family has been real supportive but I just can't face a traditional Thanksgiving meal or a day when I migh need to pretend. I don't think I'm running away. I think I'm protecting my fragile, shattered soul.

It's a hard road that we all walk right now. I understand the feeling of being tired physically, mentally, and spiritually. Are you getting enough rest? Are you taking care of yourself the best that you can? Everything is new and sometimes overwhelming. The best advice I've received is to take baby steps and try not to look too far into the future. We all grieve in our own unique way and there is no wrong way. Wish I could erase your pain. What I can do is be here to listen. You are in my prayers. Hugs.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[Lucia Abeytia]

Dianna, this is my 1st holiday season without Ben I lost him 9months ago and each day brings different feelings some days I am somewhat happy and some days I just cry..I am like you I don't know how i am going to make it threw the holidays without him we were married for 33 yrs but had been together for 40yrs...that is 40 yrs of holidays birthdays,annivarsary, and everything in between...But I know that when I need to talk I just come here and everyone is so understanding and we are all going threw this together....I don't know what state you live in but in Phx Az they are having a light up the life hoiday celebration on Sun Nov. 22,2009 and I will be attending this along with my children grandchildren and in laws maybe you can attend such a celebration and it will help you cope knowing that you are not the only one missing your partner...That is what I am hoping for...most of all try to take care of yourself,,,,I will pray for you that God gives you strenght to make it threw this difficult time of year..

[JeanneC]

Dianna:

I am sorry for the loss of your partner Nancy. I am happy that you found such a nice place to join. This will be my second holiday without Alex. The first one was spent with my friend in Florida. This one will be here at home. I was invited to a friends home. I know how you feel about selling your home. It is very difficult since you spent so much time together there and there are a lot of memories. In my case, Alex was rennovating our home and passed away in the middle of it being finished. So I am in the process of finishing it. It is going slow, but it is getting done. Takes time and money. I feel if I left that I would miss seeing the work he did on the house. Holidays are rough to deal with, but you will get through it.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

[David'sGirlStill]

Dianna,

My heart goes out to you. It will be 9 months on the 23rd that my husband closed his eyes for the last time. I can relate to your feelings of the holidays. We were together 31 years. my daughter and I are going away for Christmas. Please take care of yourself. This is the hardest road to travel. take this road one second at a time if you have to. Know you are not alone.

Hugs

Phyllis

[Korina]

It really sucks, doesn't it? Today is 5 months since my husband, Scott, died. I miss him so much. Just this morning I said out loud to him how I hate having to make all these decisions.... You are the only one who knows when and if you should move to someplace smaller. People are probably just trying to help, but unless they have been there, they don't know how you are feeling. And I so understand about your dogs. I am grateful everyday for our two cats. I often wonder what they think about Scott not being here, anymore.

Take care,

Korina

[Jsph110]

Many people think I should sell the house that we have lived in for 16 years and move to something smaller and without memories.

--I know you should. hunch.

I feel she is with me in the house and, for now, that is important.

-- she is.

goodness I work full time. If I didn't work, I think I would drive myself crazy.

--very good.

[laurieb]

Korina,

My heart goes out to you, and your are right. no one knows what we are going through but each other. they don't have a clue.

Nancy, I was at a griefshare support group Friday night and the topic was "how to survive the holidays" they gave us a book with daily devotionals, some ideas and it was so helpful for me. There were others that had 45 years together, others that lost their babies and this is the Hardest time ever for all of us. It brings all those traditions back to the feeling like someone is taking our heart out of our chest. The pain is palpable. Please try to find this on line www.griefshare.org/holidays to see if it might help

please know you are not alone and we are hear for you just through words and not hugs, but we are here and you are not alone!

hugs

laurie

[Guest Vickie O'Neil]

Dianna,

It's all hard, the decisions, the Holidays.. the Dogs when they die. Dianna, try to be easy on your self & take some pressure off that cooker. I had to make a lot of fast decisions when my husband dyed in 2007. Some were right, some wrong, but I had to do something!

I'm not OK with every choice I made, wish I'd done some things different. I sure as heck hate to give platitudes,but Action is the Antidote of Fear.

A card from my Cousin that was dying of Stomach Cancer when she sent it said

I have learned that given time,,,Even Chaos reveals its rhyne.

Love from Phoenix

[LindaKoz]

Vickie,

Thank you for sharing the chaos quote. It really tapped into what I'm feeling. I've been trying so hard to figure out this chaos in which I am living and I guess I just need to give it more time. I think I've been trying so hard to work my way through this pain because I thought the harder I work the quicker I would feel better. I just want it all to be over but it's not time yet. And, it's not a pain that will just go away because I will never get Brian back no matter what I do or how hard I work. In my head I know that my goal has to be healing and making some type of peace with this loss. In my heart, I just want Brian back . . . not to connect with his spirit but to have his physical presence. Not very realistic but then I can't say that my heart was ever very good at staying grounded in reality. Thanks again for giving me a glimmer of hope.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda