azusaman Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 This is something I shouldn't do, but can't help it tonight. Hey Tim, I'm having a couple of JW Blacks. Hope you are doing alright. Grieving for Adrianne. After all, this is a grieving site isn't it? Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 Drinking wine and getting ready to go out to dinner with my son. Would rather stay in but I made him a promise when he agreed to escapte to the beach with me. My prayers are with you, Ted. And, yes, grieving is our work for now. Maybe I should switch from wine to JW Black? Hugs. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZJane Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 I'll join you both. I'm having a Patron margarita to drown my sorrows this evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David'sGirlStill Posted November 27, 2009 Report Share Posted November 27, 2009 Hi all, Will this weekend ever end? Ted,I'd love to join you in the JW Blacks. But I'm afraid if I drink one I'll never stop. It sure is a grieving site, that's about all I can do right now. But I like to think I come here to heal. Linda, enjoy the beach. Let the sound of the waves, wash away at least some of you pain. My thoughts and prayers are with all. Hugs Phyllis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steely Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 I don't drink so I probably shouldn't start now. I'm with you on the grief though..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Ted: I am thinking about you - one day at a time (maybe trite but true, I think). I don't feel too bad right now, but in all honesty, I am feeling a little lost. I have come to experience all emotions, no doubt about it. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Drinking wine and getting ready to go out to dinner with my son. Would rather stay in but I made him a promise when he agreed to escapte to the beach with me. My prayers are with you, Ted. And, yes, grieving is our work for now. Maybe I should switch from wine to JW Black? Hugs. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Thanks for the understanding and the prayers Linda. It's kind of like when Rochel was so down the other night....just need someone to give me a hand. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 I'll join you both. I'm having a Patron margarita to drown my sorrows this evening. AZJane what is your story? Haven't heard from you before, but welcome to an evening of grieving for the ones we miss so much. I'm glad everyone is not judgemental on this site. Best to all and thanks for being there for me tonight. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Drinking wine and getting ready to go out to dinner with my son. Would rather stay in but I made him a promise when he agreed to escapte to the beach with me. My prayers are with you, Ted. And, yes, grieving is our work for now. Maybe I should switch from wine to JW Black? Hugs. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda I kind of stay away from wine...don't know why but it was my sweet Adrianne's drink of choice and eventually did her in. Maybe the JW is just quicker. Man, I love all you folks on this site. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrm Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 when all the family was around yesterday I was fine, keeping busy, but then when I'm alone I just can't stop crying. I just miss Duke so much. I can't see it ever getting better. 4 months now and reliving all the memories of the accident and now chance to say goodbye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Thanks for the understanding and the prayers Linda. It's kind of like when Rochel was so down the other night....just need someone to give me a hand. Ted Hi Ted, I'm here whenever you need a hand, a listening ear, or an understanding soul. We're going to face many ups and downs and it's so helpful to have each other to lean on. I just got back from having dinner with my son. It was a nice restaurant and the food was good but I couldn't help but think Brian should have been with us. He would have enjoyed the evening. I know he was with us in spirit but that's not enough for me right now. Maybe some day. Today I still love him, I still miss him, and I still want him back. I hope you are feeling a bit better and that you are able to find those glimmers of peace. Prayers continue, my friend. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZJane Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 AZJane what is your story? Haven't heard from you before, but welcome to an evening of grieving for the ones we miss so much. I'm glad everyone is not judgemental on this site. Best to all and thanks for being there for me tonight. Ted I lost my fiancee last November. I think back to a year ago and I think I dealt with the holidays much better because I was in such a fog and people around me were understanding and supportive. I'm in the 'you need to move on' stage amongst my friends and family and it bugs the heck out of me. it's almost like the mention of his name can clear a room because people are so uncomfortable. Um sorry people. He was my WHOLE world and a year is not much time to delete him from my conversations (insert rolleyes here!)Anyway, I found this site and decided to start posting. I'm in Cave Creek and just made another round. Cheers. Oh, and stay away from the sad music. Gosh, that is my biggest downfall. I can be having a decent night and I decide to turn on some music and the waterworks start. Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Hi AZJane. I lost my fiance, Brian, a little over two months ago and he also was my whole world. I have no illusion that I will be better in a year. At a recent grief support group we were encouraged to try moving forward rather than moving on. Moving on seems to say that we leave our loved ones behind. Moving forward means we take them, our memories, and most of all our love with us as we try to rebuild our lives inspite of the devastation. I don't think I will ever be able to delete Brian from my conversations--and actually I don't want to. He impacted my life in such a huge way and he changed the essence of who I am without ever trying to change me (if that makes sense). Keep your memories and ignore those who feel you should be over the grief and moving on. We all grieve in our own unique way and it takes as long as it takes. Hugs and prayers are being sent to you from Maryland (I'm really from Pa but spending a few days at the beach). Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kavish Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 I wish we all could join together one day and toast to our loved ones. I am sure they are with us in spirits! Kavish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Ditto to Linda's post. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Korina, You're up late I see. It's 2:30AM and I can't sleep so thought I might as well get up and hang out with my virtual friends. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Linda, Thank you so much. I will concur on the glimmers of peace. It's so nice when you have them that you really do appreciate those moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 I just got a nice photo radar speeding ticket last month (56 in a45) heading out to Cave Creek on Pima & Hualapai Dr. Took the online thing to keep from going to court. At least is was a pretty good picture of me. Ha Ha. Also took my mind off of things for little while. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Korina, thanks for thinking about me...the one day at a time is trite but true, but you don't have to like it. I guess none of us do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Hey Kavish, I wish we could to. Having a Scottish heritage myself, would be glad to toast with you. Son of Fergus. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZJane Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Ted, My daughter just moved here and I'm constantly warning her about all of the speed traps around here I think that may be the only source of revenue around here. LOL. Maybe once Walmart arrives in town they will cut back on the tickets...hahaha. Another day has arrived and it is so gloomy outside. Perfect. It matches my mood. I tried some melatonin last night and I think it helped. Have you tried that? I was up late but once I went to sleep I was out like a light for 7 hours (a miracle for me lately) I can't help but think that I should be going to the ASU-UofA game today and that's hitting me hard. My love was a HUGE ASU supporter and loved attending the games. No cocktails for me today. I'm going to try and think of positive things and do some odds and ends around the house to stay busy. I have one more closet left to go through of my fiancees things and that will tie up all the 'going through stuff' stage. I thought I had completed it all and realized last week that there was one more. Ugh. Now, to just get myself to go open the door and see what I see and then, the bigger challenge. What to do with this stuff??? I've freecycled a lot of things recently and that seemed to help me to know his things were being put to use. In fact, one member is an art teacher and she was looking for athletic socks to have the kids make sockpuppets. I had over a hundred socks for her and she sent me the sweetest note and pics of the puppets. That made my day. It's like somehow he lives on and made those kids happy. Ok, now the tears are flowing. I hope your day goes well today everyone. Hang in there. Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 Jane, My son graduated ASU with an art degree. I have given away some of Adrianne's clothes...some to a neighbor friend and some to my daughter in law. Threw all of her socks away...wished I'd have thought of some useful purpose like you did but friends and family said nobody would want them. I'm kind of stuck now though and not wanting to get rid of anymore of her things and there are still a lot. About 3 closets full plus shoes. We all hope your day goes well too. I'll be watching college football and changing the sheets on the bed. (something we always did together) Best, Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted November 29, 2009 Report Share Posted November 29, 2009 Korina, You're up late I see. It's 2:30AM and I can't sleep so thought I might as well get up and hang out with my virtual friends. Ted Up late, again...! I naturally stay up quite late, but am going to have to get into a much better routine once I go back to work. Hope I will be able to sleep. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted November 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2009 Tim, I sure wish I could have gotten Adrianne on the anti-depressants. The doctor tried several different ones for her but she was stubborn and said they made her feel funny so she self medicated with alcohol. As far as I'm concerned, I know there are some issues with men and anti-depressants that are different than women, but we'll see what the doc says when I go in to see her in December or January. Actually, the medical marijuana sounds like an alternative but I don't think it's legal in Arizona. I know a beautiful couple out in Cave Creek and the lady has a inoperable brain tumor and has tried every pain medication and anti-depressant imaginable. They fly over to California to get her pot and she says it's the only thing that helps her pain and her depression. The only thing is, I would just worry about being stoned all the time. Of course the alcohol is probably worse. Just rambling this morning...couldn't sleep. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZJane Posted November 29, 2009 Report Share Posted November 29, 2009 I had such high hopes for a good nights rest last night, but no such luck. I talked on the phone with one of my love's best friends and he was recalling the last time he saw him, the conversation, etc. On the one hand, this is the first time he shared it with me and that was good and it has taken him over a year to tell me about it. He had a very difficult time when John passed and stayed away from me and our home for a long time. He just couldn't come here at all. Our home is definitely symbolic of the person John was and most of his friends have a horrible time coming here. He passed here and I think it freaks them out a little bit. Anyway, that had me in tears and when I tried to sleep I had really odd dreams that I'm sure would keep a dream interpretor busy for days..lol. On the positive side, was the rain here incredible, or what? I love the rain and sat out on the patio with my dogs in the middle of the night hoping to find some sign that this has all just been a bad dream and I'm going to wake up and he will be here with me. Obviously, there was no miracle. So, here begins another day and hopefully some rest tonight. I feel pretty good this morning and am going shopping with my daughter. It will be nice to get out of the house(at least for a little while) I find I'm fine out for a little while and then I feel the need to be home in 'our paradise'. Hmm..that's ponderings by Jane on a Sunday morning. Wishing all my friends here a peaceful day and sending you all hugs and support P.S. Glad I wasn't at the ASU game yesterday. Rain and a loss. Yuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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