I Miss My Mother...........

[Achilleslastand]

My mother passed away 11-17-09. Two months earlier she had been diagnosed with lung cancer and the third week in Oct she was admitted to the hospital so they could remove the growth. She made it through the surgery with flying colors and they even managed to remove all the cancer and it hadnt spread. Approx 2 weeks later while still recovering in the hosp she went into cardiac arrest and it took them over 10 mins to revive her. She never fully regained consciouness and passed away 11-17-09,she was 79 yrs of age.

I miss her tremendously she was my rock and a very important part of my life. Getting thru christmas was hard and here almost 2 months later i still sometimes have trouble dealing with it. She gave me life not once but twice and i will be indebted to her forever.

I love you and misss you mother but i know that you are in a better place.

Love.....Tim

[DebFromLodi]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I can't believe it will be two years on Feb 2 that I lost my mom. I miss her so very much. At night, i just lay there in the dark and talk to her. I am 57 years old and i feel like an orphan with no mom or dad. My dad has been gone for over 30 years but with this loss, I just can't bear it. I need my mom, I miss talking to her, visiting her, seeing her beautiful face. I don't think it will ever get better. God be with us all as we go through this new journey in our lives. And Mom...until we meet again AND WE WILL, I love you.

[JamesI]

Hi Deb:

I lost my mother on March 20, 2009 almost 10 months. My father died ten years earlier in 1999. I can understand what you mean about feeling like an orphan. I am almost 57 years old too. I was caregiver to my mom and although she had health issues, she was doing well. She was getting around and always had a great attitude. She was beautfiul and loving and always looked on the bright side. I took her out to eat, took her to the beauty salon, took her to her doctors, went on vacation together. My Mom was 87,but, age makes no difference. I was hoping and expected her to be around longer. One can never prepare for the loss of a loved one. I thought I was feeling better and I sometimes think I am better,but, I dont think being better is the right word. Like you said, it does not really get better. I suppose we kind of adjust to it. We all have our good days and bad days. I hope you have better days ahead. My mother used to say, there are better days ahead.

Be well,

take care,

James

[SandraH]

I know how it feels! I am only 28 years old, no children and my Mom passed away on Jan. 23, 2010 from cancer. I am beside myself and dont know how to deal with my feelings. I dont know where to aim my tears, my anger, my frustration, my emotions in general. I am sooo lost without her and I am feeling soooo broken up inside! My bestfriend, my hero, my guide, my Mom - Oh God...why? I cant get through thsi alone - i need help and have tried two places but both are useless and couldnt care less. I still have no help and I have been trying since before my Mom passed as I knew it was coming! I fight with my husband to get my anger out and I yell at him which I know is not fair but i am trapped...what do I do? I am lost!

[Ron B.]

SandraH,

We hear you. I lost my Mom too. My first two months of grief were crushing. Raw emotions, crying constantly. Then it got easier for me into this third month. I feel more thoughtful, less desperate. What to do? Most people here say you have to go through the grief, not around it. Let the raw emotion flow through you. Venting is ok. Steady yourself when you can. Find people you can talk to, be it family, friends, a counselor, a support group, this forum, whatever/whomever. I keep a journal; that helps me. Take care of your health. Try to get normal sleep, nutrition and exercise. You can write to our grief counselor here, Marty, for professional level advice. Know you are not alone; many of us have recently been through the worst of grief, as you are experiencing it now. This is a very good place to air your grief, though it takes a day or two sometimes for people to read what you wrote and for the replies to be posted. I am glad you found us.

p.s. Found the pic of your Mom. Beautiful!

Ron B.

[MartyT]

Sandra, dear ~ I'm so sorry for your loss, and sorry, too, that you were not successful in finding the understanding, comfort and support you need. I don't know where you've looked, but in addition to the empathy, compassion, and caring I know you will find among your fellow mourners on this site, you might also try the following:

• Call your telephone operator or public library and ask for the numbers for your local mental health association or your local suicide prevention center. Either agency will have good grief referral lists. (You need not be suicidal to get a grief referral from a suicide prevention center.)

  
  
  

• Use the Yellow Pages and call hospitals and hospices near you. Ask to speak with the Bereavement Coordinator, Social Worker, or Chaplain's Office to get a local grief referral. Many hospitals and hospices provide individual and family grief support to clients for up to one year following a death, and offer bereavement support groups to the general public at no cost. Your obstetrician/gynecologist or primary care physician may be another good referral source.

  
  
  

• The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization maintains a database of hospices for each state in the United States. To search for a hospice in your own community, click on

  Find a Hospice Program.
  
  

See also some of the articles, books and other resources I've listed on the Death of a Parent page of my Grief Healing Web site.

[SandraH]

Thank you Ron! My Mom was so beautiful!!

Thank you Marty! I will take your advise! I am very happy that you both have gotten back to me so soon! I have tried a hospice in my area and another place in my area (name forgotten) and they are still from before Jan. 23, 2010 looking for someone to help me with my grief. Its been almost a month and nothing!

Sandra

[annette85035]

Even when we know our loved ones or even our friends have a deadly illness,it does NOT help nor make it easier when they do die. It's still shocking and there is no preparation for such a time. Except trying to say your "thanks" and "goodbyes" in your own proper ways.