My Mom

[beckym]

I found this site yesterday and hope it can be of help. I really connected with ChristineK's story about her mother.

My mom passed away on March 25th from Parkinson's disease. We were as close as we could be. I often joked that we were more like clones. Mom had been ill for 7 years and we had been through so much together. As the only child living in the area everything fell to me. It became so overwhelming at times. Mom had lost everything at the end and had no quality of life. She would not have wanted to live like that. I though I was prepared to let her go. I did remarkably well for the first two weeks after she died. It has now hit me like a ton of bricks. I have never been one to cry much (especially in front of anyone) but i cannot seem to stop. She was everything to me and even though she knew me so well and knows how much I loved her, I can never hold her hand or tell her I love her. I am consumed with guilt. I need to ask her forgiveness for the times I was inpatientt with her or the circumstances of her illness. Even though we talked every morning and every evening, I wish I had done more, listened more, comforted more. Why is it that things become crystal clear only when it's too late to change them.

I don't see how I will ever accept her not being here. I know there were friends and family members that actually thought we were too close, that I did too much. I only wish I had done more to let her know what a special mother and person she was. The pain is too difficult to bear. I pray she can read my thoughts.

I love you, mama. Happy Mothers Day!!!

[joyNmourning]

(((((beckym))))) I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sweet mama almost 5 months ago.

[loulou]

I'm sorry to you both.I cant imagine how hard mother's day was for you both.This site will help you.You can connect with people who feel exactly like you do.In my life,it dosnt feel like many people know how it feels to lose a parent and it's lonely.From the moment I found this site,it has helped.I lost my daddy in jan.And I have not come close to getting better.It's so hard to believe they wont be back.I hope with all my heart they can hear us.That's the only thing that makes me feel like I can handle this.To both of you,keep posting,we are here.The people here support one another,keep your head up you two.

[DebFromLodi]

I lost my dear mother on Feb 2, 2008 and life has never been the same. It never can again. I have so many regrets, though I know I should not. We were all with her when she took her last breath and I was so grateful I had no regrets. Then as time passed the regrets came to life. I should have done this and I wish I had done that. I just have to try to remember that my mom knew how much we all loved her and we all knew how much she loved us. I just wish I had one more hour with her to tell her how much I love her, to touch her face and to kiss her sweet lips. My point is that no matter what you did or did not do while she was alive, the guilt and regrets will come. You just have to keep telling yourself it is ok and your mom knew how much you loved her. Your mom knew you did not want her to go and she would be with you now if she could. Treasure the memories you have. Enjoy your life because your mom would have wanted that.

Take care of yourself.

[Kavish]

Beckym,

You love your mom. Be brave and do not fear you mom will always be by your side as an angel.

Sincerely,

Kavish

[niamh]

Becky and Joy, I am so sorry for the loss of you Mom's. I can't imgaine how difficult yesterday was if it was Mother's Day for you both. I know I am sick at the thoughts of father's day, I'd like to bypass the day and sleep thru it I think.

anyways, welcome to here, I hope you will keep posting and find some small comfort from so many friends in grief here.

hugs to you both

niamh

[2sweetgirls]

BeckyM,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost my mom more than 5 months ago. At times, I don't know how I can go on and other times I just pull myself up by my bootstraps and forge ahead. I have 2 children and they need a mommy too. So, mostly I do it for them. Yesterday, Mother's Day, was hard for all of us who have lost our moms. Mine was bittersweet. I had great times with my girls and when the baby was asleep and my older girl was off playing, I had a moment with my husband to talk and cry, reflecting on mom and how I feel. My husband is incredibly supportive and always says the right thing - sometimes the right thing is not saying anything at all. I'm grateful for him. I try so hard to be "normal" in public, putting on a smile and joking and whatnot. THis morning I went to the supermarket and the cashier asked me so how was your mother's day. I put on a smile and said good - just small talk. I asked her how hers was and she said "AHHH bittersweet". My heart sank because I just knew that she was going to tell me that she had lost her mom. It will be a year in September for her. Needless to say, I was running out of that supermarket balling like a 5 year old child. AHHHHHH!!!!

Anyway, I think you did a wonderful thing taking care of your ailing mom for 7 years. I'm sure she appreciated and loved you for all you had done for her. We all feel that we could of, should of, would of done more. I think, for me, it's part of the grieving. I wish I could stop it but, I loved and still love her and she loved me. As I'm sure your mom loved you as much as you love her.

I wish you some peace and hugs on this terrible roller coaster of grief we are all on.

2sweetgirls

[beckym]

Thanks to all of you who responded to my message with such love and support.

It is so wonderful to know people are there who understand.

Love to you all.

Beckym