I Am Lost

[Billw]

Hey Joe, It's the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life and I have been through some pretty bad times. The total out of control feeling over our emotions and actions at times is unmatched to anything I can think of. I have had a pretty bad rash of anger lately, at first it was with God. I got through most of the anger with God over the past month but now it has turned to just about anybody that gets in the way. I know that's not right and I'm going to have to get a handle on it. Everything is so close to the surface that some days I don't want to be near people at all. I am keeping an open mind to the therapy I'm going through and hoping I will continue to get some relief. Good luck Joe and take care.

BW

[closs86]

Hi Bill

Another day, one day into the next, they are all blending together, our emotions are like a roller coaster, anger is part of it, we are angry that they were taken, it is very hard to control these feelings, one minute you are crying then really mad the next, it feels like you are losing your mind, I think that we are all having these crazy feelings, part of the grief, disgusting isn't it??????? Why did this have to happen, I don't know who I am mad at anymore, today I was angry at Johnny, because some people believe that you choose when you are going to leave the earth before you are born, if this is true, why would he choose to leave me like this, I don't know if I can believe he would choose to leave me. I just don;t know what to believe anymore

Take Care

Karen

[Billw]

Hi Karen, I don't know why this happened and I don't think I ever will have that answer. I don't believe for a minute that these people chose to leave us. My wife fought to the end to try to stay here. I had to almost beg her to stop because she was suffering so much none of us could take it any more, I believe she was truly just holding on for me and the boys at the very end because when I asked her to stop it was only a couple minutes and she did. I love her more now than I did yesterday or the day before that. I have to know that we will meet up again some day, it's one of the only things that keeps me going some days. I don't really know you or Johnny but I would almost bet if he had his choice he would have stayed right here with you. I don't know about this theory of knowing all of these things before we are born. All I know is that most of try with every ounce of our being to stay here as long as we can. I believe that is human nature to want to continue to live on the earth especially when we are right with God and those around us. I am just back to speaking terms with God again and I know that is where I belong. The anger comes and goes. I am on that same roller coaster ride with you and all the others on this site. I believe that there is safety in numbers, thanks again for being here for me. Take care...

BW

[closs86]

Hi Bill

You are right my Johnny would never ever have left me if he could help it, he thought he was coming home until a few days before he passed, I just wish I could find some answer, although I know that i can't. But I do know that we will be together again someday.

Take care

Karen