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I haven't had a chance to check in for a while, as my life has been very busy as of late. My new position at work has brought with it some pretty hefty (hopefully temporarily) workloads, taking up my spare time after Kailyn goes to bed. And last week, my first homestay student arrived, which is a help with the rent.

Yesterday was 14 months, and I have almost found the last while more difficult than the one year mark. Maybe it is because I have someone in the apartment, and everytime I say to Kailyn, "Show Andrea this" or "Say bye bye to Andrea", I think "This is something I should be saying to her with her Daddy." Today, I lost it on the bus. I couldn't stop the tears even though I closed my eyes and took slow, deep breaths. I am sure you guys know, it was one of those times when tears just felt right, but unfortunately, the location was less than ideal. I just miss him so much; at one and a half, Kailyn is amazing, and this is the time in her life Scott would have absolutely adored. It hurts so much not to have him to share all the beautiful moments with.

Korina

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Korina,

Glad to hear from you and happy things are smoothing out for you,

we all need some peace and releif from our grief...even if it's just a little...

NATS

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Korina,

I am so glad you checked in. I was just thinking about you the other day and hoping everything was okay. I am so glad to hear that your homestay student arrived. I know that will help you financially.

Give that adorable little girl a hug and take care.

Kat

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Dear Korina,

*hugshugshugs* I am sorry to hear that you are finding the 14 month mark so tough. Please know that you are not alone. We are with you in your sorrow, and in your joy over Kailyn. She sounds like an absolute blessing that God has sent your way to give you love, so now you have her love and Scott's love to bolster you. I cannot imagine being in your position, but I think crying sometimes it just what we need. I think that one of these days when I have a child, I will probably wish so much that my dad were around to meet him or her.

I am not sure if you are one of those people who likes to think that our loved ones are watching over us, but if you are...I am sure Scott is so happy about Kailyn, and he is very proud of you and sending tons of love that you are so bravely and sweetly taking care of his and your little girl.

take care,

Chai

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Thanks everyone, and yes, I do believe Scott is watching over us. As you all know, though, that belief is not always enough. But it sure helps.

Korina

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Korina,

Little by little, one step at a time you are making it....this is a long road but that is what our loved ones would want us to do, to carry on. I am sure Scott watches over you and Kailyn. Children are the reflection of their parents. My mom says that all the time. She says she sees many of Dad's traits in us (my brothers and I). It brings her comfort somewhat. I think the same may be true for Kailyn.

Take care, and big hug for both of you.

-L

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Korina,

Do you have a picture of your daughter you could share with us?

Happy moments...I can't remember the last one I had, it's been a while. I wish I could be sharing ALL the moments with George, happy and sad both.

My XBIL had a bad motorcycle accident last week, we didn't know if he'd live or die, he lost his foot, he was unconscious. He just got upgraded to stable condition. He may lose more of his leg. I remember when he was out here visiting and George met him...this was my exH's brother...and he loved George. George had that way with people.

You and I have seen each other through a lot. I know what you are saying, and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. But at least you're making it, you have someone you took in and that will help out, I'm proud of you!

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Hi Korina, you've been so strong and come through so much... As my father said to me "you've lost a piece of yourself", it will be a very long time before you come to terms with it. In time it is meant to all get easier (I'm still waiting), however, that doesn't mean we will "forget" or stop missing the people who meant so much to us and were such a huge part of our lives and our heart. I can imagaine 20 years from now, crying over what may hav been... Hopefully just not as much or often as today. Take care, be gentle with yourself... Deb

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks, all - again, I have had a very busy week with little time the check in.

Deb, we truly have lost part of ourselves - learning to live with a broken heart, but living, especially with all the smiles Kailyn brings.

L, your mom's words do bring me comfort.

Kay, I hope your XBIL recovers - Scott surely as well had a way about him that just drew people to him.

And, of course I have pictures of Kailyn; many, many, many pictures! Here are a couple recent ones.

Korina

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post-13161-128340702048_thumb.jpg

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