MZM Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 on the 25th of July 2010, i lost my long term boyfriend in a car accident. Our engagement was in December this year... In that same accident, I lost my bro-in-law to be, our friend and my boyfriends uncle. All people that were really close to me. I havent even grieved the other deaths because all i know is that I have lost my love, my life, my everything! That is what he used to call me:( That, and a whole lot of other sweet, beautiful, wonderful and cute names. We were each other's lives - i spent all my time with him, travelling, the outdoors and even spent more time with his family than my own...He was the first guy that i travelled with, slept next to....We had so many, plans for the future! Right now sitting here, I cant believe I am writing in the past tense:( As i sit here, Im surrounded by a bed full of the teddy bears that he gave me - each with a different memory. I cant believe that that loud, bubbly person that loved me so much is gone! Our love was like a fairytale, insired so many people. He was my world and everyone loved him. My parents are just as devastated... EVERY night i dream of him...only to lose him every day when i realise he is gone. I am dying inside:( i cannot believe my happiness, my love is not here...I cant believe I am writing like this when i used to tell him almost everyday that he was my love. Never did i think the future wouldnt be ours. we wouldnt even put the phone down without saying I love you to each other every day, ten times a day...how i miss that.... I lose him everyday...its like a knife through my heart. I miss his love soooo much! Boy did he love me...so many plans and time ran out on us...didnt even make it to our engagement:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 I used to wish I could dream of George and didn't understand why I didn't when other people seemed to be able to have their dreams...I've only had one and in that one I was mad at him for leaving me. I can only imagine how disheartening it must feel to be with him only to lose him again when you woke up. I think if I could dream of him I'd only want to sleep. I'm sorry you go through this loss over and over again but at least you can have that connectedness even if only for a short time. It makes me wonder, do others see their dreams as a blessing or a curse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennalee Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 I'm glad I don't dream about Ajay. To go through what MZM posted would be much too painful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MZM Posted September 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 Dreamt about him yet again last night - so happy in my dream - could hear that loud laugh again! And again, I wake up realising he is gone...it really is a sharp pain in my heart... Kay, you're absolutely right - I just want to sleep ALL the time... I did that last weekend - slept and only woke up to eat and use the bathroom... Jenna, sometimes I do actually think its painfull - losing him everyday is really really painful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 I dream about Mark at least once a month. Last night was one of those nights. A short little dream. I was in the backyard getting ready to throw a ball into the pool for the dog to fetch. I looked down and saw someone swimming along the bottom of the pool. I knew my son was out of town and thought one of the neighbor kids was playing around. Then out popped my husband. Laughing and smiling. My heart soared and I started running to him. Pure, overwhelming joy! I screamed, Mark you're back, I've missed you! He laughed again and he was so perfect, so himself and so happy to see me too. Then I woke up. Instant heart wrenching pain hit me. I just lay there trying to remember his laugh and his big smile. Reliving the dream over and over. I like to dream about Mark but sometimes I wonder if it's worth the pain I always feel when I wakeup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Hi MZM, As time goes by, I'm enjoying the dreams I have of Lars. At first they made me feel horrible,I would wake up, realize it was only a dream and cry . Now my dreams make me feel like he is back for a short visit. Much as I wish that he was still with me in life, I will take any little time I can get with his spirit. Hugs, Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennalee Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 I'm a bit surprised. I did dream about Ajay last night. Nothing meaningful, something about him and me driving in the car and me passing him french fries. Pretty casual and I woke up still knowing he was gone so it was okay and not too shocking or anything. I suppose it's only natural that we dream of our spouses. They're always so very present in our hearts and minds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Hi I dream of Johnny a lot and love it, i will take whatever time I can with him, it makes me happy to see him, always happy and smiling and so real, can't wait to see him again karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 I normally don't remember my dreams, but when I did dream about Scott in those early weeks, they were very convoluted, and I woke up feeling crappy. Then earlier this year, when I was feeling particularly lonely and needing Scott, I dreamed of him in a much more coherent fashion. Without going into details (too tired to write about it all), I believe he came to me to let me know he was all right, even though he was sad. I remember the whole thing, and though I cried when I woke up, I was and still am, comforted. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MZM Posted September 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Hi Everyone Im do glad I have all of you to share my thoughts and feelings with...people that can relate and can guide me... I dreamt last night about when I used to be asleep, he would kiss my cheeks a dozen times....and then I dreamt about him and his brother (both now in heaven) and they were really happy... Again, I woke up with that sharp pain in my heart... I figure, I rather have these dreams now, coz like some of you have said, i have him in some way... Its worth the pain...and one day I wont have dreams of him every night...and i'll miss them. Tomorrow is his 40 days...cant believe how time has flown by...yet its been the longest 40 days of my life... I really miss him so much. i used to pass Zubeir frence fries while we were driving too. Its those little things I miss...Todays a bad day...Fridays are always bad days...we used to have plans from Friday after work right up until Sunday - we would have our "weekend schedule" .... Lots of love and hugs to you all!! M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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