MZM Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Fridays are always bad days since the accident 6 weeks ago...I have lonely weekends now. Although i have lots of friends, I miss our weekends that we're just for us! Whats worse is that tomorrow is their 40 days ceremony and Im not invited because my ex mom-in-law to be blames me as he was on the cell phone with me 30 minutes before the accident. That feels terrible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb625 Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Hi MZM, I'm so sorry you are being shut-out of your spouses ceremony by his family. All I can say is shame on them. I've had the same experience with my in-laws (I was common law with my husband for 8 1/2 years) and it hurts. However, try to let it go and remember you know what he meant to you and he knows what you meant to him... Have your own intimate ceremony a suggestion would be to light a candle, hold his picture and wish him well... Take care of yourself... Sincerely, Debby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennalee Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 You did not cause the accident. For anyone to imply that is absolutely ridiculous. When things like this happen it's only natural for those closest to him to search for something to blame, but you are not it. Weekends are hard for many of us I'm betting. Ajay would have been bounding through the door in about two hours and we would have worked out what we wanted to do. He liked his job but he really loved his weekends. I'd give absolutely anything to have another weekend with him, but I guess that wouldn't work cause I'd just never want to let go. Anyway, try to find some friends to be with this weekend if possible. I know it's not the same, but it has to be better than staring at the walls, which is what I definitely plan to avoid this weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 I'm sorry your in-laws are excluding you, that would grieve your husband terribly. I haven't heard from my husband's family since he died except for once when his brother tried to con me out of some coins George didn't even have any more, and another time, a year after he died, when his dad called me up bad mouthing him. Both times I set them straight and have heard nothing more. (He had ten brothers and sisters, nine of which are still alive.) I am amazed at his friends and family that he thought would be there for me...and weren't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted September 5, 2010 Report Share Posted September 5, 2010 I hope you passed the 40 day mark as well as possible. Scott loved candles, so on special days, I light a candle for him. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MZM Posted September 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 Thanks all... Yep Deb, KayC and Korina, i think I'm going to do just that...light a candle... afterall I have all the best memories with him and no one can take that away from me...he's in my heart thats all i need... I actually dont need his family...Its sad though coz I was with them everyday - a part of his family... Jennalee, it IS ridiculous...to know that they blame me is hurtful coz I loved/love him soooo much!! Weekends are empty and I hate them... started spending time with friends and you're right its better than staring at the walls....which is painful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennalee Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Thanks all... Yep Deb, KayC and Korina, i think I'm going to do just that...light a candle... afterall I have all the best memories with him and no one can take that away from me...he's in my heart thats all i need... I actually dont need his family...Its sad though coz I was with them everyday - a part of his family... Jennalee, it IS ridiculous...to know that they blame me is hurtful coz I loved/love him soooo much!! Weekends are empty and I hate them... started spending time with friends and you're right its better than staring at the walls....which is painful! Gosh, I know, Honey! I think I just managed to make it through an extended weekend myself, with the help of friends and family. YEA! Well, not that the weekdays are much better, but at least I'm used to being alone every weekday cause Ajay had to work. We'll get there, MZM, it'll take time, but we really will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MZM Posted September 7, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Yep, we will! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 MZM if you like candles you might like this idea. For the one year anniversary of Mark's death I gathered smooth river rock about four inches in diameter. We all gathered as a family and each took stones from the pile and wrote something about Mark on a stone. Most were single words that described him. Some people wrote a memory. Later I got a big platter and put three candle holders with candles in the middle and grouped the stones around them. It was a nice way to start talking and remembering Mark without a big memorial ceremony. Especially for my kids who have seen enough sadness this last year. It sits on our coffee table. Each of us has our own candle and when we are having a tough day we light our candle to signal to the rest we are struggling. It has really helped my kids express themselves without speaking. It opens the door for me to ask them what's wrong or making them sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Simply lovely, Cheryl! Thank you so much for sharing that idea with us! ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MZM Posted September 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2010 Thank you Cheryl. That is a wonderful idea. When Im having a bad day, Im sure that will help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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