Going Back To Work - When?

[melina]

I've been on sick leave since my husband died a month ago. Today I saw my doctor and she gave me another month of sick leave. I'm not sure what's best to do, but I was dissolved in tears at her office, so she probably thought it best I waited a little before returning to work.

I should probably mention that I work as a psychologist, so being at a job where I'm expected to help other people is completely impossible for me now. In fact, I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to do that again. If I'm incapable of helping myself - how can I help others?

Had I not had to work with people, it might have been best to return to a job and keep myself busy during the day, but as it is - I can't see any other option than to stay home. On the other hand, I know that being alone all day and night is going to be hard too. I used to be thrilled to have days off and the day all to myself and work from home. Then I'd wait for my husband to come home - knowing we'd spend the afternoon and evening together. Now no one is coming home.

I do have my 19-year old son, but I feel I have so little to offer him. As I said in another post - all I have are hugs and food. I try to talk to him about other things - but we're both grieving and finding it difficult to think about anything else besides the person we've both lost.

I have this overwhelming sense of injustice. The "Why Us?" bothers me day and night. I spoke to another widow nearby - a friend of a friend. She lost her first husband to cancer in her twenties. Then remarried, had twins, but one twin died during the first year. Then three years ago her second husband died of a heart attack while out jogging. Her sons are now 17 and 22. She's able to work and be social. But she did say the first year after each death was hell. Still - I think going through this twice - or three times - would have knocked me out long ago.

I'm rambling again. Thanks for listening.

Melina

[MZM]

Im so sorry for your loss melina. I lost my fiance' on July 25th-we were together everyday for over 3 years and I also ask myself "Why me?" Most 28 year olds dont go through this but here I am, struggling...

I can only imaging what you're going through...

As I psychologist Im sure you cant really assist anyone, if you yourself are going through your own trauma...Have you thought about maybe doing some charity work? The way i see it, is that we have all this love for our loved one and dont have them returning it...and cant share it with them anymore. If we adopt a pet or do community service - soup kitchen work, working at a childrens home...we can re-channel some of that love? Just a thought....but I felt a little bit of comfort in it. It also made me feel like I was doing something in his name. I plan to soon open up a charity organisation in his name - maybe in the next year, when I can get through the pain im feeling right now...

A charity will also help keep yopu busy and not feel stuck at home sad all the time...

[Cris]

Melina,Im knew to this site as you can tell I hit the wrong button! Dont be so hard on yourself and take your time where work is concerned.My husband has been gone 3 years now.It took a while for me to go back to selling Real estate. Now Im not doing that anymore. Do stay busy doing something it does help! As far as your son goes, Mine is 28 and just now is talking about is Dad. In a general way. My daughter is 31 and she still has trouble. It hurts me to see them in pain. But,I hope in time we will all heal! So dont rush yourself. My husband was only 52 and dies on his Birthday of a heart attack!I ran to the office and came home to my whole world blown up! So hang in there! Im making it slowly buy surely!

[Jennalee]

Melina, I don't know how your widow friend is making it, but the fact that she is gives me hope. I pray to God I will never have to go through this again.

Maybe you could go back to work part time for now. Only see one or two people a day or something. I find myself asking, "Is this activity I have the opportunity to engage in better than sitting at home and staring at the wall?" and most of the time it is. Not sure if that helps.

[Korina]

Melina:

All I can say is though I went back to work when my mat leave was over, I 'knew' I was ready. I suspect you will, too.

Korina

[Queeniemary]

Melina, I was out on med. leave when Mike died. I was actully in the hospital in a town about 1 1/2 hours away. I got the news he was gone over the phone. I did not go back to work until March 1 (my leave started on Jan. 11) I could have stayed out longer, but my therapy was going very well for the knee replacement, and I thought I would do better if I was busy. There were tough days, but my co-workers were great. However, having said that, my job did not include dealing with public or patients, just sitting in my office doing statistical reports, etc. You will know when the time is right, and as someone suggested, maybe start slow, with a day or two a week and see how it goes. Praying for you

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas.

[kayc]

Melina,

I can understand your dilemma. It might be good if you stayed out another month from your job, but perhaps instead of sitting at home alone, it might be good to try volunteering your time someplace where you can get out among others. A good example might be a food bank, they are usually looking for volunteers. I remember someone saying they'd done this and it had helped them by focusing on others rather than their own situation so it had a positive affect on them. Good luck with it, it won't always feel this way, it really won't!