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April 24 was the day my world ended. I know all of us are dealing with the same issues. The lonliness, the fear, frustration and pain that seems like it will cut me in half. I am just wondering; for those of you who like myself don't have any family close by, do you think the pain is worse? I am constantly afraid that I will get sick (I am only 50, but as we all know so well being young is no protection) and I won't have anyone to take care of me. As a matter of fact, shortly after I lost him, one of my cousins said "if you get sick or you have to have surgery, you will probably end up in a nursing home until you get better". Now, I can't get that thought out of my head. Having surgery or being in the hospital and not having and advocate. Not having anyone to help me through it.

Even everyday life seems like it would be better if I had family close by; stupid stuff like "do I need an electrician or just a handyman" "should I take the dog to the vet or not" "do I really need all of that maintenance work done on my car".

Just being able to show up at somebody's house for supper unannounced.

And one of the most important things of all just having someone put their arms around me and saying "I love you, I am here for you"

Just need to know if anyone else without family feels the same as me????

Thanks!

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August is my horrible month - and I still can't bring myself to name the date. I have no family close by either. I live in Norway and my mother and siblings live in the states. But they wouldn't have been much help had they been here. I have a sister-in-law and her family about a three hour drive away, but they'd only help out in a big crisis. My husband was my rock - the one I leaned on and told my worries to. Now there is no one I can lean on and I suppose I'll just have to become stronger and hope that what I decide to do is right. I figure I'll be making a lot of mistakes. I miss my husband desperately - and just talking through everyday worries is one of the many things I miss and took for granted.

I understand your worries about getting sick, but that won't necessarily imply that you'll end up in a nursing home. Do you have kids or family you can call, even if they're not nearby?

Melina

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I know exactly what you are talking about. Its just me and the kids.

I live in constant fear that something is going to happen that I can't deal with.

My fridge stopped working about 2 months ago, 1 month after Larry died. I cried like a baby. I know it wasn't all that big

of a deal but you would have thought it was the way I cried.

Everytime the car makes some new or different sound I panic. He might not have been able to fix the car anymore, but he knew what

the problem was and made sure we didn't get screwed by the mechanic. Now I am just one of those people that goes in and says "It's

making weird noises."

I am so stressed out over my job too. If something had happened before with my job it really wouldn't have been a big deal.

Now it would be another end of the world problem.

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Redwind, I can't help wondering if there isn't some local church or community center that might be able to put you in touch with a sort of adoptive family. Before I lost Ajay, we were planning to move several states away next summer. This meant that I would be hundreds of miles away from all family.

I immediately contacted a few local churches and found a one that knew of a few people who were also far from family and lonely who were interested in something similar. Basically I could "adopt" a parent around the same age as my own parents and of course it worked the same way for them only in reverse. You'd have to proceed with caution of course, but I guess if each party got along well, it might be somewhat helpful. Maybe some decent (non-partying) college students might be interested too. I remember being far away in college just wishing I had a "rental" mom or dad I could hang out with on the weekends. I was terribly homesick at times. The college campus did provide that very service and it worked very well, I just didn't learn about it until I was too close to graduation.

I'm sorry, I realize this is not near the same as having family around, but I just wanted to share it in case anyone might want to think about it further or see if such a program might exist in their community.

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There have been many stories posted here about how they have had to deal with new responsibilities on their own, and have succeeded. This forced independence makes us strong (that said, in areas where we are unschooled, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for advice from a friend or coworker).

Both my family and inlaws live in different provinces. However, since Scott died, my parents have been proceeding with our plan to have them move out here so we can live together. Never in a million years did I think I would be moving back in with them at 42 years old! But there are advantages for both of us, and as long as we give each other some space and separation, I believe it is the right thing for us.

Korina

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April 24 was the day my world ended. I know all of us are dealing with the same issues. The lonliness, the fear, frustration and pain that seems like it will cut me in half. I am just wondering; for those of you who like myself don't have any family close by, do you think the pain is worse? I am constantly afraid that I will get sick (I am only 50, but as we all know so well being young is no protection) and I won't have anyone to take care of me. As a matter of fact, shortly after I lost him, one of my cousins said "if you get sick or you have to have surgery, you will probably end up in a nursing home until you get better". Now, I can't get that thought out of my head. Having surgery or being in the hospital and not having and advocate. Not having anyone to help me through it.

Even everyday life seems like it would be better if I had family close by; stupid stuff like "do I need an electrician or just a handyman" "should I take the dog to the vet or not" "do I really need all of that maintenance work done on my car".

Just being able to show up at somebody's house for supper unannounced.

And one of the most important things of all just having someone put their arms around me and saying "I love you, I am here for you"

Just need to know if anyone else without family feels the same as me????

Thanks!

I really understand the fear so well. :( It terrifies me.

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I am fortunate in that I have family and close friends near by, who have all been great support for me. Having said that, I still panic over the little things. Does the car make a funny sound...why won't that light work....is the cooling system working right.....who can I get to fix the lawnmower. I don't worry so much about the big things...illness or such,because I know my family will be here, but I hate to call anyone on the little things. I keep telling myself I can handle things, but really need Mike back here to do those things he always took care of.

Mary in Arkansas (Queeniemary)

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Redwind,

I found out what that feels like a couple weeks ago, I ended up in the ER very ill and hurting and my wife was not there for the first time. I layed on the bed in the hospital in extreme pain and cried harder than I have cried in a long time, not from the pain but from the fact that I realized I am on my own now. After I was released to come home my oldest boy came by that week a few times to check on me but it just is not the same, my wife took very good care of me when I was sick (she was a nurse) I really miss the attention and care. After the smoke cleared I had to start making Dr.'s appointments, dealing with a new health insurance, and doing all of the things that I just took for granted when she was here. She took care of all of those things for years and now I have to figure all of this out, might not sound like a lot to most people but it overwhelmed me a couple times. I guess my point is that I am slowly starting to move into this new territory and some of my worst fears are being realized but I am still walking through them and ending up on the other side. We will recover and we will keep moving, some days it really feels horrible but we can do it. I have cried several times over the last couple weeks being sick and at home by myself but I know in my heart she is with me no matter what and always will be. She gives me strength and courage like she did when she was here. I have stayed closer to this site over the last weeks as it also offers strength, comfort, and kind people that understand. We are here for you also. Take care BW

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