I Hate Weekends

[MZM]

This weekend has just been horrible. I got home on Friday, in a terrible mood ofcourse coz I just hate that everyone I know is looking forward to the weekend with their loved and and here I am - detachhed from my other half. I decided to go to sleep at 8pm and thought that I'd be better off if i did this. Couldnt get him off my mind and realised "my fiance died in a car accident!!!" I think this was my first big reality shock! i just sobbed and sobbed, screaming out loud to the walls!

I thought it would be better yesterday.I was having a pretty ok day. But then I met some friends for dinner and while everything was going so well, they restaurant played our first ever song:( I walked away and was just broken!!!! Screamed at the sky!!!

Im finding it so tough and I cant get though this. I just cant do this anymore - be here without him..Im just a living vessel right now. Today I feel like just rotting actually!

[Korina]

MZM:

We have all been there. I have cried a million tears, beat on the bed, screamed into pillows, hit the railings on the bridge while walking home from work (but not too hard as that would really hurt ), cried at work, cried on the bus, etc etc etc.

It is a year later, and I am still here. You can make it and you will. It is going to hurt and you are going to feel like complete crap, some days will be awful, some days will be better. Just continue to concentrate on getting through the next hour or next day, or whatever time frame works for you. Let us know how you are feeling anytime. Pouring it all out here was and is a godsend for me.

Hugs,

Korina

[Billw]

Weekends can be brutal, I remember the good old days when I couldn't wait for Friday and now there is a strange kind of feeling when I leave work for the weekend. The house is very empty these days so I usually try to get home, take a shower, and get moving right away on Friday afternoons. This weekend I did just that, I went out with some friends, had a little dinner, and then went to the grocery store, that pretty much ate up Friday night. I got up and took a bike ride and then cleaned house for most of the day and got out again for lunch with a couple people. I am forcing myself sometimes to socialize but it is coming more naturally to me now or so it seems. This whole thing is so foreign to me and some days I know I am just faking my way through but I don't know what else to do. I am a very fortunate person, I have received some huge gifts in life but the loss of my wife is so overwhelming at times I still cannot believe that is is true. Some days I almost feel normal for a minute or two and then reality settles in again, it's not just the weekends but they are the longest days of the week for me now. I know there is hope for better days ahead and I am looking forward to them, for right now I am just trying to do what is in front of me and keep my feet moving, hopefully the mind and heart will follow again someday.........BW

[Cris]

MZM,Im new to this site ! I found it by accident. I lost my husband 3 years ago and I still hate weekends and Holidays the most.It still is hard. But, I try to keep as busy as possible and that helps alittle. I cant say its better but somehow You just keep trying to go on without them. I miss my Larry everyday and always will ! You are so lucky to have found this site so early. I wish I would have had this early on. I thought I was the oddball about all the feeling I had and still do! All most everything I read here I have thought or felt but I thought it was just me. Dont let anyone ever make you feel like you cant cry or miss them! I read once that you only grieve as

deep as you loved!! Hang in there and keep posting here. It seems like a great bunch of people that are caring and know our pain post on this site. God Bless Cris

[MZM]

Thanks all. Korina, I will definately keep posting here and Cris is right, theres a great bunch of caring people on this site. Hope you're doing ok today Bill....

Cris, I AM really glad i found this site. it was only a few weeks ago - one month after the accident, and its made a difference thats for sure. Im glad you found us, even though its only now. It shows that you were searching for a way to deal with your grief...and you found us...

I was having a bad day again today. I miss the little things. Im going to list these things because they're killing me and I know I'll feel better if i do (I left my journal at work:( ) Im sure you all will post the little things you miss too...

The little things I missed today:

I miss that smile and those hugs and kisses when I came home from work and you welcomed me home. Or when I waited for you to come home from work and you would call out for me when you walked through the door..

I miss dishing us dinner and eating with you

All i want is to watch TV with you, and eat with you...the little things:(

[Cheryl]

I miss the words, "I'm a lucky man, you're such a good wife." I miss the way I fit spooning him on the couch watching NCIS.

[sunstreet]

Oh MZM,

I understand and I am so sorry for your pain. I have this fridge magnet and it reads: I have always known that at last I would take this road, but I did not know yesterday that it would be today.

This is the hardest to keep in mind when we are in that pit of despair and darkness. Feeling states do change in time. I wish I could just wisk you through this part of the journey so you did not have to feel it. I can not and as hard as it is the only way to find joy and peace again is to go through this turbulent sea.

Hang in and courage to you.

Blessings,

Carol Ann

[kayc]

I'm sorry I didn't read this yesterday, I don't think I logged in at all. I keep busy on the weekends but I can't say as I look forward to them anymore. I clean house, do laundry, cook, go to church. Since I've lived in the same place for 33 years, I need to go through and clean out/throw away a lot of accumulation, it takes a lot of time, with my working/commuting, I don't have much time so have decided to go through one spot in the house every weekend until I finally get it done (maybe by the time I retire?). Anyway it all passes time and helps me not to think so much. I still haven't finished a book since George died, I can't concentrate. I don't know hw others do it.