Flashback

[kath]

Now they've grown taller than me. And I sat in church Sunday remembering the funeral, how small they were, how unbelievable it was to be going through. Now they are tall and I still miss him.

I needed him here yesterday to help take a broken limb off our huge maple tree. I wanted him here to share Mike's football game. I cried for him because it has been over three years and I am still lonely and miss our conversations. There is no one that cares about the daily happenings, no one to share the goofy things or the awkward moments or the little crisis that erupt in this life.

I hear the stories of the people at work that are having trouble with their relationships and I want them to feel, just for a moment, what it's been like for me, for all of us here. I want them to know how valuable their time together is and I want them to treasure and nurture their marriages. And I want mine to be more than a memory.

Not all days are like this. Many times I think of Bob and revel in the joy he brought to my life. And on days like today, I want that joy back, because it was so special, just like him.

[Marion Claire]

Yes at times I see people argue or be downright mean to each other and I try to tell them life is too short to waste time like that. Not that we never argued. I know we did especially when we were younger we didn't always agree. Life alone is worse than anything that they might be argueing about... Actually living alone to me is like I am not really living..........

[Gingie]

Kath,

Thank you so very much for your post. You have so eloquently written what I feel every day in my heart. I lost my wonderful husband March 24, 2009 and my beloved Mother on April 22, 2009, then my step-son removed himself and children premanently after his father died. I miss my husband so terribly much. We shared everything together. He taught me to laugh, love, trust. He was my everything, and I find it so difficult to go on without him. It's hard to figure out what I mourn for the most.

[sunstreet]

Oh I so hear you and understand. You have said so well what we all feel....hope tomorrow is an easier day.

Blessings, Carol Ann

[Chrissie]

Oh Kath, you've taken the words right out of my mouth. I hear people at work say they just wish their spouses would leave them alone and i just want to shake them and tell them to cherish the moments together because no matter how bad things might seem, their time together is a gift that could be taken away at any time. Thank you for your post. I hope days ahead get easier for you.

Chris

[kath]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I appreciate all of you and wish the best for you today, too.

[kayc]

Kath,

Yes, you've voiced what I continually feel. It's that time of year again, we used to go out into the woods and gather colored leaves for a bouquet, I haven't been able to bring myself to do it since he died. I bought some artificial ones to decorate the house. Somehow, it seemed like something special we did together.

[lonely4barb]

Bless your heart, Kath. Even with counseling from the best in town, I still beat myself up over things I said to Barb in anger when I was not really upset at her, maybe something had gone wrong I was doing. The times I wish I had back to say I love you, hold her, kiss her. Now I can't. I would do it totally different and better if given another chance. I would tell her I love her every 5 minutes, kiss her more.

But I know she awaits me in Heaven with the Lord, and all is forgiven once they arrive there.

I'm with you all the way, Marion. This living alone is not living at all. I have God, know He loves me, but not having your soul mate, your other half, someone you can see, touch and hear, it's a long drawn out nightmare.

[redwind30]

Kath, you are so right. People don't know how blessed they are to have loved ones in their lives. I miss my husband so much that some days I just don't think I can stand it for another minute. It was five months ago today that I lost him and I would give anything I have to just spend five minutes with him.

[marsha]

Kath - yes - not all days are like this, but this one is. How true. Time goes on, yet sometimes it's not so for me. Externally, yes, internally - there are times I live in my own head. Love and hugs, Marsha

[Korina]

You said it, Kath.

Korina