melina Posted October 10, 2010 Report Share Posted October 10, 2010 I went to the movies with a girlfriend yesterday evening. It was the second time I've been social since I lost my husband. It was okay, but afterwards we went for coffee and talked. She's been very helpful during this whole thing - coming with food after the funeral, calling and sending messages and e-mails, letting me know she's there. The problem is that she constantly talks about her family, like what they did together over the weekend - making me feel even more alone. And she's very into showing pity for me, emphasizing how miserable I must be and how awful my situation is, and how horrified she would be to be me. I KNOW how awful my situation is and how miserable I am. But I don't need it rubbed in. If anything I need hope that things will get better. I do think she's trying to be sympathetic, but it's misguided sympathy. And I'd rather have empathy than sympathy. She said things like "You're living every woman's nightmare" and "Thyge (my husband) is dead. What a horrifying situation for you and your sons." She told me about somebody else we know who got divorced. I said that must be very difficult for her. She replied that at least her kids have a father, not like mine. I've asked her earlier not to go on and on about her husband as it makes me feel bad. Especially hearing about their wonderful weekends together. I have trouble asking her not to talk about her kids - even though when she does, I get this image of them as carefree, happy-go-lucky teenagers who still have their dad. While mine are burdened with grief. It hurts. And it hurts to be reminded constantly of how miserable I am. I can manage that on my own. How do I express to her how her sympathetic comments makes me feel? How do I get her to understand what to say to me and what not to? Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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