Am I Grieving ?

[merangel08]

Hi everyone,

Let me start by saying that I've found in this forum a lot of situations like mine which makes me feel sort of better but it also makes me feel like I'm not grieving like a normal daughter would.

I lost my daddy about 8 weeks ago. I still can't think talk or hear about him and about what happened. Can't get in his room, can't look at his clothes or his pictures. I'm just denying the fact that he is not here. But I also rarely cry and when it happens to me it's just so intense that I feel like I want to shout and evacuate all this pain. However, most of the time I feel like nothing happened and I just live like I would if he was here (working laughing, joking, etc) and I feel guilty about it I feel like I don't care or like I don't deserve to be his daughter. I wish I could cry and cry and cry untill the whole world knows how much I love him and miss him. Is it normal to feel this way? I'm sorry if my message is confusing but it completly reflects what's going on in my thoughts !

Meryem

[Shady Wilbury]

I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't. So I won't. What I will say, however, is that the numbness and intense outbursts of emotion you report sound as though they are normal to me. After all, eight weeks is a very short amount of time, and you are probably still in shock from what has happened. It is perfectly normal to be in a fog this early on.

[miss my brother]

Hi Meryem

I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my 21 yr old brother very suddenly four weeks ago... I found i can only cry when Im alone and I have no idea why. I try and cry and nothing comes out, I too am confused cause I loved my brother more than anything in this world. Im going to a psychologist to try and help me understand my emotions. I didnt even cry at the funeral but It felt like i was crying and screaming inside. Im not going around living life just yet, i feel homebound and very flat - lost even. I know exactly how confused you feel, your not alone.

[Guest NancyL]

No one can judge us and tell us our way of grieving is normal or not. When my dad died 30 some years ago, I cried at the funeral, but didn't spend days or weeks afterwards crying. Though I didn't live at home anymore, whenever I visited mom, we laughed, cooked and had our "girl time". Now that my husband has died, my son (and family) came to visit me this Thanksgiving. We laughed, cooked, and had our "family time". I see that my son has the same ability to let go of the grief, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't miss his dad. I find sometimes it's too sad to dwell long on missing our loved ones. Try to think if the situation was reversed, you would have wanted your dad to remember you with happy memories, not sad. Anyway, that's my way of looking at grief. Mine may not fit the mold of others, but again, grief is a personal thing. How you handle it is yours alone and there is not right or wrong.

[hello123]

Merangel08 I know exactly what you mean I feel the same way, I just forget it has happened and carry on cuz thats the only way I can be happy but it makes me feel so guilty at times its such a horrible feeling, I dont know about normal but I do it too so your not alone!

[merangel08]

Thank you very much for your responses. I was visiting this forum and reading posts very often the last couple of weeks but I couldn't really write about how I was feeling, it is still too hard for me... I never talk about what happened, when somebody asks me how are my parents doing I just say they are fine, because it's easier than having to tell people about dad not being here anymore. I've had some really bad days. I still feel numbness sometimes and for me it's even harder to handle than sadness and sorrow. Crying helps a lot when I feel this heaviness in my heart.

I'm 24 and I graduated recently but I have no plans for my future. One year ago, I was "the life of the party" wherever I go. Now I'm just a mess. Like a ghost of myself. Just staying at home watching TV all day long. Don't know what I want to do with my life. Although my family is being very supportive, I just feel lost... my thoughts are scattered and cloudy.

I wish I could cry whenever I want to but tears won't come and I'm left with so many weird feelings. Why do I have to go through all these emotions and feelings that I can't recognize ????

All I know is that coming here and reading your posts has become a part of my everyday.

P.S: I'm sorry if my english is not 100% or my thoughts are incoherent, I hope you understand the way I describe my feelings.

[MistyB]

Merange108 I sure know how you feel. In fact just yesterday someone ask me how my dad was and for whatever reason I said fine. What? He's gone! Why couldn't I just say that? Because I'm living in this fantasy world and he's still alive. I'm beyond the crying every second stage and I think Ive just become numb. Christmas has been the hardest thing to deal with. A very good friend of ours lost his wife to an infection a few weeks ago. She was a wonderful person with two young children. Afterwards I thought "how ashamed I am for grieving for my dad when this man has lost something so big". It put things in perspective for me that life and death has a purpose. My dad spent 77years on this earth and he was very loved and however much I miss him every moment of the day, I can remind myself how lucky I was to know him for that long. You just do your best as your dad would want you to. You take as long as you need, but I know he wouldn't want you to put your life on hold forever. I send big hugs your way.

[Princesspeanut]

merangel08,

I know exactly how you feel. I was the party girl too and now I feel like a burden to those around me because I am just a shell. In my head all the time are all these thoughts about my Dad and what happened and my feelings. When the crying everyday stopped for me I thought "i should still be crying" but I hurt just as much, but differently. A more depressed hurt then this fresh wound. I took a week and a half off work after my father passed and I havent taken a day since. I feel like people look at me and think Im normal but I feel anything but normal.