Too Soon For Major Decision Making?

[wmjsca]

My car has 92,000 miles and is a 2006 Ford. I believe I can get another year out of it, but it's started giving me some problems. It will be totally paid off in a year. To buy another car now would mean applying the negative equity to the new vehicle. Everything in me says 'wait', but since I don't have the luxury of another car anymore, I'm a little apprehensive. I don't want this car to crap out on the street in the middle of winter, but a major purchase right now in the midst of this grief may not be the best move. I guess I just had to get this out....I'm still contemplating. It was nice having access to his car...it wasn't as crucial an issue...now everything seems to be magnified......I am so terrified about being alone in many aspects of everyday life.

[Guest NancyL]

Hi, my husband was a mechanic so I didn't have to worry much about my cars. But when he became paralyzed, he couldn't work on them anymore, but he had a good bunch of trade people that he trusted to do a good, fair job. Do you have a good mechanic that you trust? It would make all the difference between keeping your car and getting a different one. Don always said if you take care of your car, they're good for over 150,000 miles. Right now, I need to sell Don's new van, a wheelchair accessible van that we had just bought two weeks before he died. But I will admit I have several vehicles to use, should one have problems. I see that you live in Ohio, if you live in a town/city you might have alternative transportation if it doesn't run. I don't have a magic answer for you, but you could always look at what you owe on your vehicle and what you can afford to spend on another. Then if it makes sense financially, maybe it would be good to trade it in before it reaches that magical mileage of "over 100,000" miles.

[Billw]

I have to really rely on my gut feelings right now. I have had to make some pretty high stress decisions financially the past months and I am giving myself as much time as I possibly can. If it does not feel right I wait. I have spent a lot of money taking care of business since my wife passed and feel like I have made some good choices. If I struggle with any, I step back and wait, give it another day or week or whatever is needed. These times are very hard to make good sound decisions and another day or two can make all the difference in the world. When all else fails I ask my wife just as though she were still here, she has helped me through a few of them.

I am a heavy duty fleet mechanic and have always been in favor of getting estimates for work, most reputable shops will diagnose free and allow you time to make a decision on the work that they are recommending. Try to find a friend or someone who has had work done somewhere and had a good experience and go to that shop and get an estimate, tell them you are not ready to have the work done yet but are trying to find out how much it will cost. You are not obligated to anyone for anything as long as you don't authorize them to make the repairs. Most places will do this for you. Good luck and take care...BW

[Lainey]

Bill,

Very good advice to all of us that are learning how to make all the decisions.

Thanks for that.

Lainey

[Cheryl]

Recently I have felt overwhelmed with decisions and really stressed out, I have been afraid of making wrong decisions, which just brings me more stress. I have been working on several ways to reduce my stress. One thing I have learned is that you can only be afraid of what you don't understand. Once you take the time to understand what you are afraid of, it is much easier to make a decision. Do the research to the ability of what you are capable of. If learning about what is stressing you is too overwhelming, take a step back and give yourself more time. Come back to the whole process at a later date.

When I feel really overwhelmed I tell myself this is only a feeling and the feeling will pass. I stop and walk myself through all the emotion. Sometimes it's anger, sometimes sadness. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm feeling so I have to really stop and identify it. It has helped tremendously with anxiety.

I hope this helps! Cheryl

[melina]

We also have a 2006 Ford (Mondeo) which had quite a few problems and a lot more miles on it than yours. But I used some insurance money to pay off the loan and took it to the shop to get all the necessary repairs done. I was glad I did that instead of buying another car, because at that point - just after the funeral - I wouldn't have been able to figure out what to buy or what I could afford. Especially now since it was smashed up again by that hit-and-run idiot. Good thing our insurance will pay for that.

It scares me sometimes - all this responsibility, and I feel tired a lot, but having to get stuff repaired or fixed around here is actually one of the things that have kept me up and running. I cried for hours last night after that dreadful grief support group encounter, but it helped to have the electrician come today to do some rewiring so we could have the heat on in the kitchen and toast bread at the same time, without the fuse going. Focusing on something practical takes my mind off things for a short time. Now he's gone, and though I'm happy the house will be warm and that we can still use other appliances,I notice it doesn't take me long to start brooding again.

Melina

[kayc]

If you're going to get rid of it, do so right BEFORE it hits 100,000 miles, after that you won't get nearly as much. (I want to say if it's a Ford, dump it...too many problems with them and they don't last as long as Hondas) My Ford Ranger sits with 72,000 miles on it and when I can afford to fix it (no time soon) it will be it's THIRD transmission! Fords...I rest my case.

Don't be afraid, just research it, know your prices, and come in armed. If you sell it outright you'll get more for it than trading it in. Look at Kelly Blue Book for private party prices and also look in your area to see what similar cars are selling for.

[wmjsca]

If you're going to get rid of it, do so right BEFORE it hits 100,000 miles, after that you won't get nearly as much. (I want to say if it's a Ford, dump it...too many problems with them and they don't last as long as Hondas) My Ford Ranger sits with 72,000 miles on it and when I can afford to fix it (no time soon) it will be it's THIRD transmission! Fords...I rest my case.

Don't be afraid, just research it, know your prices, and come in armed. If you sell it outright you'll get more for it than trading it in. Look at Kelly Blue Book for private party prices and also look in your area to see what similar cars are selling for.

[wmjsca]

I appreciate all the comments. I miss Clint since he was the one who knew everybody and could get things done. I don't have him anymore to guide me in certain things. He always took care of the cars and made sure I knew where to take them. Then, too, I had his car to drive while mine was being fixed. I don't have that option now. I'll be without a car if I get it serviced, or will have to rent one, etc. It's not that I'm totally helpless, I just had a good helpmate and now he's gone. It's hard coordinating everything alone and I hate it. His being a mail carrier allowed him to be in contact with every imaginable service person on his route; I always had help with anything I needed. That's gone now. I'm on my own. I miss his love, definitely, but all the practical things, too. The jury's still out on the car for now. I'll give it a little more time before I decide. The car hasn't given me any trouble, really; just hoping it will make it through another Ohio winter. Thanks everyone.

[sunstreet]

My car has 92,000 miles and is a 2006 Ford. I believe I can get another year out of it, but it's started giving me some problems. It will be totally paid off in a year. To buy another car now would mean applying the negative equity to the new vehicle. Everything in me says 'wait', but since I don't have the luxury of another car anymore, I'm a little apprehensive. I don't want this car to crap out on the street in the middle of winter, but a major purchase right now in the midst of this grief may not be the best move. I guess I just had to get this out....I'm still contemplating. It was nice having access to his car...it wasn't as crucial an issue...now everything seems to be magnified......I am so terrified about being alone in many aspects of everyday life.

I am sorry that you have this issue to deal with at this time. I pray you find a solution. I wish I had a magical one for you. I am sorry that you feel terrified about being alone in many aspects of every day life. I felt like that before as well. I hope as more time passes that you become less and less terrified. I know time has helped me to not be as terrified. I pray it is so with you as well.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[Perkins808]

I can so relate to your dilemma - I have a 2001 Ford Explorer that has 160,000 miles on it. I absolutely love my car and would drive it forever if I could....but I realize that the repairs are starting to get costly and it would probably make more sense to buy a new one.

The thing that scares me is haggling with a car salesman. Jeff was so much better at dealing with that stuff. I'm sure the salesmen's eyes will just light up when they see a woman looking for a car walk in all alone. I'm going to enlist the help of my brother or brother in law.....so at the least I won't feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

I've also had to deal with a lot of household issues this week - stuff that the "man" of the house would have taken care of without a second thought.....from the simple - lugging the Christmas tree in the house and setting it up in the tree stand, to the slightly more complicated - installing a new thermostat. I don't know what is more exhausting - physically doing all this stuff myself, or emotionally dealing with the fact that I am now responsible for it all.

My mantra has become - this too shall pass. I know I will get used to all of this eventually, it's just a lot of change to deal with all at once!

Hugs to everyone!

Tammy

[Guest NancyL]

wmjsca, I'm glad you're going to think this out before making the decision. Remember, even with brand new cars, there's always the fact that things go wrong and you will still have the car serviced. My mechanic shop gives me a ride to work, my friends have also said they'll give me a ride. I've got a couple of vehicles and have loaned them to other good friends when they needed a car. Would any of these solutions work for you? Perkins808, I admire you for tackling the thermostat (and the tree). I'm doing what I know I can do, when I get to the rest, I call a repair person or friend. The only good thing I see about Don dying instead of me is, his friends are handy and can help me, my friends are not and wouldn't be very good at helping him (if the situation was reversed). So many of his friends have helped throughout the years since he became paralyzed, they have offered me the same help. That's my lifeline if I ever get in a situation that I need help. Can you think of friends that you can count on also?