Is There Hope For Us?

[suzzer]

Hi All

I join this site last week and was so happy to find people that are having the same feelings as I am. But I feel so sad for everybody. Every comment I read its hits me so close to home I feel all these same feelings. I am so empty. Everyone says it takes time but I can't seem to see any light at the end of this road. I have read books, prayed and I start a group next week. But after 22 years of having a nice life and then its gone, it is so hard for me.

On Aug 27 we will told she had a brain tumor and had 6-8 weeks. On Oct 19th she was gone and my life has crashed down on me. There's friends around but not really. You all are so great but I can feel your pain and I just cry harder.

I feel so hopeless... I am a fixer and I can't seem to fix me and I want to fix all of you too. How did this all happen? I am so down. What I would give for just one more hug. Her Birthday is next week and then Christmas and on the 27th it would of been our Anniversary.

I just need to hear a happy story about someone that came through this hell that we are going through.

Suzzer

[grace10]

Suzzer,

I am sorry for your loss. I cannot speak for now, because my loss was in October, but maybe it helps to look back and think of past losses and how we did get through the process and, although we never forgot the person, we went on with our life, our sadness diminished, and our life went on, sometimes in better and different ways.

[melina]

I'm not sure I have a "happy" story, but things do get easier. I lost my husband four months ago, and the grief is a little easier to deal with. The loss is always with me, but the pain isn't as intense and I have more "breaks". Hang in there and see...

Melina

[suzzer]

Thanks for your replys. I had such a bad night and worse morning that I felt very hopeless. After posting my post I went for a 4 mile hike and ate a meal so I am feeling better. Its just so hard as you guys know. The roller coaster that I am on, sure has big dips.

[sunstreet]

Suzzer,

Pat yourself on the back for letting us know that you are feeling hopeless and empty. So we can tell you that we understand because we too have been or are there as well. Sometimes our pain is so intense and occupies so much space and energy, we are blinded to hope. Hope has not abandon you, it is just not in view now and that is entirely normal. I have faith it will show itself to you again.

I have come through the place where you are at now. The pain does not take up so much space now. I see all kinds of hope again. I just wanted to let you know of my happy story to encourage you.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[Guest NancyL]

Suzzer, it does get better. I lost Don September 28th. It was so unexpected and while I think of him many times during the day, it's not with the same sadness that would have been last month. I AM GETTING BETTER! Whew. I just had to accept the fact that nothing I could do could change anything. I was/am a fixer. I always kept him safe, tried to get him the best possible doctors, researched all his illnesses, yet I didn't see it comming. Now that I have time, I'm turning my attention to fixing me. I'm keeping as busy as I can, and in turn, I don't think of losing Don as much, which in turn, helps me. I've resorted to coloring books (yes don't laugh), puzzles, computer games, walking as weather permits, of course working, anything to heal me. I have moments, but if I don't dwell on them, they quickly go away. So Suzzer, please don't feel sad for me for I'm going to make it. And I believe you will too, give it some time.

[wmjsca]

Hello Suzzer, you and I are about in the same place. I lost Clint on October 22 after receiving the diagnosis on October 19. I didn't know he was gravely ill. We only had six years, but he was the one who cared for me most. It took me years to find someone like him, and now he's gone. I am still angry and it's just not fair at all. I am finding, though, that the pain is less intense even though the sadness is constant. I was able to finish the fall semester and have registered for the Spring term. I felt initially 'stopped in my tracks' and unable to move, but have managed through prayer, reading, journaling, support groups and this forum to struggle through. It's hard. There's nothing I wouldn't give to have him back. Now all I want is to get to my 'new normal' whatever that is. I'm still a little numb, too. The effects come and go. I'm not as far along as many on this forum so that's really all I can contribute at this time. Somedays I feel so hopeful, and others very down and hopeless. But, I keep coming back to the forum to read of those who've dealt with this longer to gain support and hope that in time, I will be able to manage in a better way.

Take care.

[kayc]

Suzzer,

Welcome to this site. Keep coming here, it's a very special group of people here, maybe because we don't have time for the superficial and we cut through to the deeper part of the heart stuff. I can't say as I have a "happy" story to share, but I can tell you it does get better able to cope with in time, and I have learned a tremendous amount. I think it's made me a deeper person. I have learned who I am and what I'm made of and I am a survivor. We have learned to rely on ourselves and have had to give ourselves the pats on the back and respect we deserve. I've learned that while I'm not a Mrs. Anybody, I am a valuable person. This year I put the Christmas tree up because I deserve it...that for me was a big thing. I always used to live for my husband, but I've had to learn to take care of myself and that it's just as important to make myself a wonderful Saturday breakfast as it would be if I were to do it for him. But all that comes in time. In the beginning it's hard to find purpose, and hard to see beyond the pain. But rest assured, it does get better. The missing him never ceases, and I appreciate him every bit as much today as I did when he was alive...I knew then that he was special, and it's only been confirmed all the more since.

[abergsma]

Welcome Suzzer

It is a wonderful site...and we all are at different stages but have been through or are going through the same pain and journey.

I lost my husband very suddenly and it will be 3 months tomorrow. It is like a roller coaster...our feelings change daily even hourly...

Take care and keep the faith

Allana

[suzzer]

Gee You are all great. Thanks for the support and pat on the back. I was a little scared of this site at first because all I did was cry harder after reading everyones storys. I guess we are in a club that none of us asked to be in. But I feel blessed that I have found you all. It will be 8 weeks tomorrow and I am going to my first group meeting. Also I am going back to library to order more books. I am a little scared of my feelings this coming Saturday because it will (would of been) her birthday.

Thanks again for your support. Also to all of you in this club just take "baby steps"......