We Made It Through Chistmas

[Guest NancyL]

Well sort of. Roads are a little icy here, so son and family called and we decided they would be better off safe and warm in their own home. I am relieved they didn't attempt to drive because I could not think of them in an accident on the interstate. Still it's harder than I thought it would be. I took down the tree and Nativity scene, whisked all remanents of the holiday to their storage. I went on facebook to look at my only good picture of Don, and now am reduced to tears. I haven't cried for weeks, yet I miss him so much today. Sorry, I don't mean to bring others down, I just needed to post, or do something, to get my feelings out. I won't call my friends or other family members because they would only feel bad and I don't want their day to be ruined. Sorry for leaning on this group for support too. Nancy

[wmjsca]

But that's why we're here, Nancy, to give each other support on days such as this. I still have the decorations up for my son, who had a beautiful Christmas, although I've been a mess. I will be relieved when I can take everything down, too. I burned candles for Clint this morning and displayed his picture and a pair of his favorite sunglasses. I miss him, so much, today. My son missed his presence; he missed us BOTH being there to watch his face aglow with pleasure at opening his gifts. I told my son that Clint is here in spirit. But, of course, I'd rather he be here in the physical form much more. You didn't bring me down just because you have tears today. I have had them all week and last night while trying to get everything just right. He used to help me with the wrapping and diverting my son's attention while we played Santa. It was so sad to think I now have to do all that. We will move on past today, and on one of those days, you'll be much stronger and in a better place, and I'll be a mess and need you. We're here to help each other. Come on back if you feel the need. Take care.....

[Guest NancyL]

Thanks wmjsca, I needed that. I'm better now, and your words have helped bolster me. You really have a lot on your plate with your son missing your Clint too, I admire you for showing him how to love and lose and go on, even when you want to curl up in a ball. If you can do it, so can I, and so we go to another day hopefully better. I've also been reading old posts on here, seeing so many of those who have loved ones that have had lingering illness, only to lose them after all. It makes me seem like a coward in their courage, for Don passed suddenly. I wish you peace on this Christmas day, Nancy

[melina]

Nancy and wmjsca,

We celebrated Christmas yesterday - Norwegians celebrate on Christmas Eve. I had a candle burning on a bookshelf where I keep the ashes we didn't spread at sea (we've saved some to spread in the mountains this summer), along with a few things he loved.

There were four of us - three of my sons and me. It was strange to do all the planning, shopping and cooking by myself and not be able to discuss it with my husband, Thyge. My sons helped, but there was such an enormous emptiness where Thyge should have been. Things were okay until we sort of settled down after the food and presents, and I realized I wasn't able to join in any longer, feeling more and more sad. I imagined him being here, how it would have been if he'd still been with us. I can almost hear word for word what he would say in every situation. After nearly 30 years together, we could finish each other's sentences. It sounds boring, maybe, but it wasn't like that. We knew each other so well - even better than we knew ourselves.

When I finally went off to bed I was fighting back the anxiety and couldn't sleep. So I got up and found my jet-lagged son (who'd flown in from Toronto), sitting at the kitchen table. We talked about his dad and cried together. Didn't get back to bed until five a.m. and finally slept a few hours.

We made it through Christmas, and it was great to have my kids - but at the same time I feel terribly lonely and lost without him. Hope next Christmas is easier.

Melina

[Queeniemary]

Yes we all did make it through Christmas. Christmas Eve was dinner at our good friends Joe and Steve's house (annual event for Mike and I) and then Christmas Eve service at church. Christmas morning was pretty hard, kept remembering last Christmas with Mike here. I had bought him a summer version of his western hat, and he was so happy with it. He never got to wear it. It snowed a little here Christmas morning, so I took the dogs outside and sat and drank a little coffee, and cried for awhile, missing Mike so much. Then I did some cooking, and packed everything up and drove over to my daughters across town for Christmas presents, and dinner. It was a good day with family. Last evening went to my friend Vive's for a late supper, and good visit with a few more friends. I am so blessed to have the such wonderful support of friends and family, but I still miss him so very much. I am healing, I can tell, but still that awful hollow feeling will not go away, I really don't think it ever will. He was such a presence, he just filled a room, and I so miss him.

Wishing peace for us all.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[abergsma]

I guess like everything it is different for all of us.

I love my tree, my candles and decorations..there may not be as many as ususal and a smaller tree but I never want to take them down and still feel the same this year...they have always given me comfort.

I cried at times yesterday and again today. My girls and their families surrounded me but I still had those moments. I missed him being at my side watching the kids open their presents and sharing this special time.

Today I saw my ex mother in law (we remain very close), she is 88 and in a lot of pain..she said she just wanted to go and see my father in law in heaven. He passed away when she was the same age as I am now and now I totally understand where she is coming from..and I cried... it is funny how we understand these things as life goes on...

I will be leaving my tree and decorations up for awhile yet they still give me the comfort I so need.

My hugs go out to all of you.

Allana

[grace10]

I made it through Christmas. I supposed this should be in another forum, but it seems to fit here. Hope its OK.

I went to church on Christmas eve, and then headed down to San Diego to spend Christmas with a friend. It was different not calling mother, and I had almost made plans to go to PA shortly before she passed on to be with her during the Christmas holidays. Kept busy. Played a lot of Christmas music.

The most amazing thing happened on Christmas day. I was exchanging presents with my friend on Christmas day in the afternoon. I had brought some items of my mother's for her as presents. They have the same shoe size, and there was a beautiful sweater that I knew my friend would love, and some other items. I talked about how these are gifts from my mother. My friend had talked with my mother many times on the phone, but they never met personally.

So, right after exchanging gifts, the doorbell rang. There was no one there, and it is not the kind of front door that one can easily access, or ring as a prank. Simply, the doorbell rang without any explanation, and it never rang again for the rest of the day or the next day.

I just decided it was dear mother stopping in to let us know she is with us in spirit. I am so touched just writing this today, and I feel like she is smiling on me too. Whatever happens up there, or wherever it is, I really was so glad my mother had the chance to "meet" my good friend of 20 years as well and remind us of her presence. Just made my day special.

[Guest NancyL]

grace10, what a beautiful thought of your mother "ringing the doorbell". Yes, that certainly made your day special and that will be something happy to remember next year too.

[MartyT]

Oh Grace! What a heartwarmer your story is! Thank you so much for sharing it with us

[melina]

It is a very nice story, but what about those of us who had no "signs" at all? Sometimes I hope and pray so much for a sign or a signal, and nothing happens. No signs on Christmas Eve when my three sons and I were gathered for turkey and presents. I want so badly to receive something to indicate he's still around - somewhere.

My grief counselor said not to look for anything spectacular or out of the ordinary - that maybe just the fact that we're coping, that we're able to get through each day, could be a sign that our loved ones and God are helping us through this.

Though I would really love a spectacular and obvious sign. (Not a burning Christmas tree though).

Melina

[Guest NancyL]

Hi Melina, I know what you mean about signs. I haven't received anything either to give me a clue whether Don is still present in my life or not. I guess I'm questioning a lot of things these last few days. My mom always said the only person you can count on is yourself, guess she was right. Nancy

[sunstreet]

Oh Dear Nancy,

I am sorry for the pain you felt. Please you need not worry about bringing anyone down, nor apologize for leaning on this group for support. This is what this forum is all about isn't it? Giving support, receiving support, sharing, encouraging one another, offering understanding sadly because we know the pain too, this is what it is to me anyhow.

(((( HUGS )))) to you Nancy. Good for you for having the courage to lean when you needed to do so. I am proud of you.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann