maggiet Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 I am releived that I happened across this site looking for ways to decrease the pain in my heart. Thank Goodness! My name is Maggie and I am 43 years old. I am the divorced mother of three wonderful kids aged 7, 8, 14. My Ex and I shared custody of the kids and he spent alot of time with them. We were not friendly with each other, but always put the kids first. I had moved on with my life and I was in a beautiful loving relationship for 4 years with the man who I thought was my life partner. On October 18, 2010, I received a phone call from my Ex's sister that he was found that morning dead from Carbon Monodixe poisoning. The weeks following were a blur but my main concern was putting the kids needs first and getting them through this terrible time. In the weeks that have followed, I noticed myself becoming angry toward my boyfriend, who I loved very, very much. I felt confused and angry and felt that I didn't know how to grieve the loss of my Ex and really didn't pay attention to my needs as I was trying hard to be there for my kids. Well...just before Christmas, I am soooo angry at my bf that I toss him out of the house and tell him that our relationship is over. I started to cry and feel that I had been cheated out of alot of things with my ex and feel that my kids will miss out on alot of in their lives. My bf came back over Christmas to see if we could work things out. I told him about how I was feeling and what I felt that I was dealing with and he told me that he felt that it was a "farce" and just an excuse to not make good choices. Well, to make a very long three month story short....here I sit trying to deal with the loss of my Ex...(not too sure how I am supposed to feel) and also the loss of my one true love! My heart is breaking all over the place. I am trying to be strong for my kids but I feel alone and scared and messed up. My Ex and I were embroiled in a court battle over child support and he was irresponsible financially and emotionally with the kids and I carried 8 years of anger towards him. I am sad that there was no resolve to that and I don't know where or how to compartmenalize the angry feelings. My last words to him were not kind and for that I feel guilty. I feel sooo much pain for my kids. Only the kind of pain a mother can feel. My bf obviously did not understand the effects and I do realize that he has his own baggage he is carrying. I was not supportive and was self centred and self absorbed through the whole funeral process. I have sought out counselling but have to wait a week to see someone. My ex left no provisions for the kids in terms of life insurance and was so far in debt that I have had to seek legal advice to protect the kids and myself from the government. I miss my bf so much...although I don't know why when he has been so insensative and I am reeling from the everlasting effects of my ex's death.... Day 1 of posts....with more to come Marg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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