Dad Is Gone

[kayc]

Thursday night my FIL passed away. My own father was an alcoholic and passed away 29 years ago...my mother is very mentally ill and I feel I never really had a mother in the true sense of the word. God blessed me with wonderful in-laws that I feel made up for the lack of that role in my life. My MIL passed away 23 years ago, so all I had left was Dad. He was 91 years old, an Italian, he would yell and gesture like Italians do, and he had all these funny quirks that gave us all a smile. He was dad and I loved him. He'd battled cancer, and he had COPD and Diabetes and kidney failure...he was down to one kidney with 13% function. I could tell when I visited him on Monday that his departure was imminent, but I had no idea I wouldn't ever see him again. It was one of the highlights of my week, going to see him in his assisted living facility on Friday nights. We'd have dinner with the others and then head back up to his room where he always slaughtered me at Cribbage. I rarely ever won, usually he skunked me, sometimes even double-skunking me, but I didn't mind, it made him so happy.

Life has its phases and I feel a whole era just passed on, and it's so sad. Now we realize, my ex and me, that we are the older ones and it's passed to us now...it feels kind of weird, always before we were sandwiched in the middle, between parents and children. Now WE are the elderly.

I'm going to miss bringing dad chocolate covered cherries for Christmas (do you know how hard it is to find dark chocolate ones that are sugar free?). I'm going to miss him singing me happy birthday on the phone every year. He was always so appreciative of a visit, always so pleasant to be around, I'm just going to miss him so much. The kids and I have so many memories of their grandpa...stories we will share for years to come, they come with a smile...

[loulou]

Im sorry for you and your husbands loss.The phases of life is something I have been thinking alot of lately.Im finding it so hard to enjoy the phase Im in.I just want to realize what blessings I have and enjoy this special time of my kids being young,and my remaining youth,but Im so depressed.I have heard surviving grief is about how well you except those phases of life.I hope I learn to calm down.

[niamh]

Oh Kayc I'm so sorry for the loss of dear father in law.you mention shopping for Chocolates for C'mas reminds me too of trying to find coffee cream chocolates for my Dad,they were his fav and could not get them in Ireland for years.i found them in USA and every trip I took it was priority to find them....anywhere I went. I miss having to look for them now,seeing him smile and laugh when I bring them home.

Just plain sucks that so much is Taken away.

Sending you hugs and comfort

Niamh

[sunstreet]

Dear Kay,

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. Dear Kay, you have been through so much. I will hold you in gentle thought and prayer as you weather yet another loss.

Take good gentle care of yourself.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[2sweetgirls]

Dear Kayc,

I am so sorry for the loss of you FIL. My parents, who are both passed on, were immigrants from Italy. Your comments about your FIL's typical Italian actions made me smile and cry at the same time. I have a digital frame scrolling pix and after I read it, I looked up and they were both smiling at me. I just thought I'd share....... I really miss those two wonderful people.

I'm sorry again.

Hugs to you

2sweetgirls

[kayc]

It has been a bittersweet week...catching up with old in-laws, talking about dad, remembering with smiles and tears. He would have been 92 April 8th. I went to the viewing last night, in a few minutes I'm going to the funeral, where my son and my son-in-law will both be pallbearers. The family has done a wonderful job on the arrangements and he looks so peaceful...he still had all his hair and no wrinkles! It's hard to watch him still...he was never quiet, I still remember his way of talking and gesturing.

[MartyT]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad time, Kay, and may your beloved father-in-law rest in eternal peace. ♥

[kayc]

It was a beautiful service, very well done. I was a little apprehensive about attending, although there was no doubt in my mind I needed to because dad and I have been close for 34 years, but my exH's wife is hostile. I sat in the back with my sister and left right afterwards, letting them have their graveside time and family dinner in private. Most of my former in-laws were very welcoming and it went very well. My son and son-in-law were both pallbearers. I cried during the service, and am very glad I was in the back. I'm going to miss him so much. He was a handsome man, and nearly 92 years old, still had all his hair and no wrinkles!