Mom's Birthday Tomorrow

[BellaRosa]

Hi all. Tomorrow is my mom's birthday -- the first since she passed in November. I was expecting to feel worse, but all I feel is kind of numb about it. I had thought about taking the day off from work, but now I'm thinking that it will be better to be distracted and busy than just sitting around the house and thinking. I talked to my dad about it yesterday and we're going to get together and have dinner, but that's about it. I feel like I should be marking the day in some other way, but I don't know what to do. She was cremated, so it's not like I have a cemetery to visit or anything.

How have you all handled the first birthday after your loved one's passing?

[MartyT]

In addition to the responses I'm sure you'll receive from our members, Bella, I encourage you to see some of the links listed on the Memorializing ~ Rituals page of my Grief Healing Web site. See also

Light a Candle: Online Memorial Ritual

Creating Personal Grief Rituals

Including Your Absent Loved One In Holiday Celebrations (includes a beautiful candle-lighting service that you can use or adapt in any way that seems right for you)

[2sweetgirls]

Hi BellaRosa,

Well, I agree that being busy and going to work would be a good thing. I, of course, think of my parents all the time but, find that being distracted by the kids or anything, for that matter, helps me not to dwell too long. I always come back to thinking of them but, the distraction helps me deal with life. Personally, if I had time to just sit and think, that would be bad. I cry often but having too much time to think would make it worse. That's just me.

I live far from where my parents are in their moseleums so I don't have the luxury of going to visit often. I talk to them often - out loud. Seems crazy but I do. When I'm alone, of course. On special days, I just say it as if they are right beside me. I really feel that they hear me.

I understand that this is really difficult being that your dad is still here. You may feel that you have to be strong for him. For me, when Mom's first birthday after death arrived, it was sad and difficult but, dad was still here and somehow as strangely as it sounds, it felt different.....maybe denial, maybe shock or just plain numbness. Now that they are both gone....it's really just final. I guess when Dad was alive I had him to hold on to now that he's gone too, it's all that much more final. I hope I'm not rambling.

Anyway, I hope you have some peace tomorrow. Enjoy dinner with your dad.

2sweetgirls

[LostmyHoney]

When I go to work, I all ways put my hair up in a ponytail, I do a lot of bending and my hair would block my view. My Honey would often coment on how he wished I would leave it down sometimes so that everyone could see just how pretty it is. When my Honeys B-day came around I left my hair down in his honor. It seemed as though my Honey was standing right next to my customers, whispering in there ears untill they were compelled to say something to me about how pretty my hair is. If that makes any sense or not it is how I felt, and there were so many I was very suprised! Carrying out a wish of my Honeys was really very satisfying!

I wish you peace!

Rachel

[niamh]

Aw hun such a hard day.I hope you and your Dad have a nice dinner,it's hard to really enjoy these things.

I had my Dads 2nd bday without him last week,I had one of his fav cakes to eat and I also set off a Chinese lantern with a letter and bday wishes to "Heaven".....it felt nice to do it and I could almost see my Dad laughing at my friend and I struggling to get the flame going.

I still buy cards for Dad too,i want to still be able to choose and nice Dad card so now I just keep them myself.

I definitely try to do little treats for myself on these days,they will always be special days to me regardless of my Dad being in this world.

Sending much comfort to you and a big Happy Heavenly Birthday to you dear Mom

Niamh

[nanasbaby]

My mother's birthday was April 2nd and my sister's birthday is April 3rd. We didnt even mention Mom's birthday.We had a cake for my sister the next day...Im dreading Mothers' day so much..because its also my daughters' birthday.

[BellaRosa]

Thank you all for your replies and helpful suggestions.

So far, the day has been ok. It's depressing, but I haven't cried and I'm pretty much just going about my business as usual. I did go to my parents' house for lunch and ate with the cats . My husband, dad and I are going to have dinner in and probably just watch a movie.

[njc48]

I am also dreading mother's day, and my son's birthday falls on mother's day this year...very bittersweet. I always feel like I don't want to be home or even acknowledge it but it is hard with all of the advertising etc.. I know my mum would want me to celebrate so I try to keep that in mind. In August she will be gone for 2 years, I can't believe it. We just also celebrataed my second son's baptism yesterday and that was also so bittersweet, I feel like I will never be able to truly celebrate any happy occasion because I will always be missing her and wishing she were here. Take care and hang in there Mother's Day xoxo

[BellaRosa]

I feel the same way, about never being able to truly celebrate another happy occasion. I miss her constantly, and even more so on special days. There is a huge void that will never be filled, and it's just so much more pronounced on what are supposed to be "happy" days. Even when I am in a good mood, it's still only a fraction of how happy I used to be.