Gaining Understanding

[azbrian]

In the short time I have been in here I am starting to realize the task that I face. And the fact that is not going to go by any plan I think I have.

I thank everyone that replied to my posts. The words of encouragement and the information provided has helped me a great deal. The hardest one's for me are having patience with myself and to stop trying to push myself through the process.

I have been organizing myself today with a schedule that is something I can manage. Not one that was so huge I could not find a way to start it.

I am also half way through MartyT's book, " A Guide for the First Year". Thank you Marty.

Oh, I did have to chuckle to myself after the part about not making major decisions for 6 months to a year an not to move unless you had to and changing jobs is not a good idea. I had to move and am still looking for a job....LOL

If I feel like it yet today (see, I am learning) I will research some of the groups in the area to go to. Thanks Cheryl.

I am going to visit Ruth tomorrow, I have not been there in about a week. I still have to work myself up to go there. That bothers me and something I plan on fixing.

Take care,

[MartyT]

Brian, dear, you are absolutely right ~ sometimes we are faced with major life events over which we have no choice at all, and we are forced to make changes in spite of the circumstances and the very bad timing. As you probably know, death of a spouse is rated highest on the Life Stress Scale, and the more stresses that are added, the more one's health is at risk. What's important is recognizing and taking into account all the stresses in your life (in addition to the grief you're already experiencing at the death of your wife), and taking extra care to take good care of yourself (i.e., checking in with your primary care physician to monitor your health and making sure that you're getting adequate rest, nutrition, hydration, exercise, etc.) It also means finding and taking advantage of all the grief support resources that are available to you. ♥

[nats]

Brian,

First you can not rush this process, I can relate to your stress, I did not follow any of guidelines for grief, I became involed with someone after 6 months another grieving spouse her husband passed in 8/09, being my main support system we found ourselves deep into a relationship before we knew it...then at 14 months I purchased a new home and moved from our marital home due to other matters to dramatized to go into....the move was rough I won't kid you but I've been here now 2 months now and I am feeling very happy about the move, it's really feeling like "my new" home and my Ruth is very present here which I feared, there was some issues of no memories of Ruth here but she's making some new ones here...we can read, listen, share, and numerous other things but at the end of the day we must do what's comfortable for each of us as we are the ones who have to deal with our feelings and grief....Marty is so right, take care of yourself it's a smoother journey if we are rested and keep our strength up....one thing I did also was I faced all the challenges and "firsts" head on and had no reservations, upon getting past those challenges I felt great comfort in dealing with them that way as it gave me confidence and a feeling of conquering those tasks at hand, it has also given me a new strength....so keep moving, the fact you are seeing what you are facing is the first leg of this long journey that contains many peaks and valleys as well as many sharp turns, take the journey slow and you'll have but minor crashes but you will have traveled many miles faster than you think....May God Bless You....and that's another major factor that gets me by each day, my faith, but I'll touch on that later...

NATS

[kayc]

Brian,

You are facing so many losses at once, it is a lot to deal with. I lost my dream job after I lost my husband and it made a very difficult year...I think it greatly contributed to my remarrying so soon, a very unwise decision in retrospect, I am glad that chapter is behind me, but I am still left with the aftermath to deal with. But you had to move too, so is it any wonder your world is so shaken up right now? You are actually doing well considering, although you may not feel like it.

I don't think there's any prescribed times to visit a grave, it should be about what brings YOU comfort...some visit often, some less. My husband's ashes are scattered in our backyard so I can look out and see his resting place...but when the day comes I leave this place, I will not have it to visit anymore...I hadn't anticipated that at the time, I was just thinking, this was his favorite place in the whole world to be. Ahh, how life changes...