Too Quiet Again

[pinkpony]

My son got to come home on leave for a month & it was so nice having someone to talk to, someone around the house, the normal everyday noises. He left sat night & I'm alone again, the house is too quiet, no one to interact with, no extra dishes,laundry,making sure theres enough food. I was not made to be alone(I'm a talker not a loner)I really need to go find a job & get out of my rut & interact w/ people, but I'm so afraid.

[MartyT]

Dear One,

When you say you're so afraid, can you tell us more about what exactly it is that you fear?

If it's wondering whether you're ready to be working for someone else, and if you're in a position where you do not have to work to earn a living, you might consider volunteering. I say that because when you volunteer, you get to pick what interests you, which puts you with other like-minded folks who already share your interests. You're not beholden to any employer to work hard to earn a paycheck, and most organizations are very, very grateful for whatever it is that you can offer them. Besides, if you decide whatever volunteer work is not for you, you are free to leave!

For many, many years I volunteered as the facilitator of a pet loss support group, and I loved every minute of it, because I was doing something that fed my soul and made my heart sing. It's a long story, but eventually leading that support group led to my writing a book about pet loss and later sparked my interest in becoming a hospice volunteer, which in turn led to my joining Hospice of the Valley as a bereavement counselor. You just never know where volunteering can lead, especially if you follow your heart and pay attention to what your interests are!

See, for example, Healing Grief through the Gift of Volunteering.

Remember, too, that only you can decide if and when you are ready to do anything outside the safety of your home ~ No pressure! ♥

[Dwaynecg]

I know how you feel, being alone all the time isn't good place to be. It makes grieving that much harder to go through. I go for walks every day and to church twice a week. Hang in there we are all here for eachother. May God bring you Peice.

Dwayne

[sunstreet]

Dear Pinkpony,

I so resonate with your fear. As I read your post I thought I am going to respond and plant the seed that perhaps volunteering might be a benign way to get back out there. Then to my delight was MartyT offering the same thought.

I guess because I so resonate with fear and feeling unsafe out in the world I wanted to respond to let you know that there is power in feeling fear and doing it anyhow. For me, I chose things that offered me safety and comfort in my life, they were my Grandmother and the animals. So I chose to volunteer at a long term care facility and an animal shelter; so at least memories of safety and protection were along with me as I ventured out. It did not happen for me overnight let me tell you; and the more I was able to get out; the less the fear became. Anyhow, just food for thought.

You are the engineer of your own train so to say and only you know what feels safe and right and I encourage you as you discover your path.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[pinkpony]

I need to go back to work, I do hair & I quit when my dh went on hospice to care for him. I was self employed so the idea of someone telling me when I have to work isn't going to happen. I'm afraid of commiting, I never was before, I'm afraid of having to relive this last year w/ all my clients & having the focus on"the poor widow". I'm not whole anymore I don't know who I am anymore(once I was a friend, a wife, a mom) I know I'm still a mom, but their all on their own now. as much as I enjoyed this last month when it was over it just reminded me the "reality" again.

[kayc]

Could you maybe set up a section of your house where you could do hair? My hairdresser has a little room on the back of her house that we come to when we need our hair done. That way you could set your own schedule and do as much or as little as you want. Maybe you could put a sign up "Joyful conversation welcome!" as a subtle reminder that you'd rather be uplifted than hear something that's a downer. Maybe paint it in bright cheerful colors and have windows to let the sun in, something to help elevate your mood...add music to help the atmosphere, it could be a good thing!

[azbrian]

I know how you feel pinkpony, when my sister is at work everything is quiet. I have Ruth's Boise I bought her for Christmas several years ago but I keep thinking about pulling it out but I never do. Except for looking for a job, I don't have much else to do.

Trying for something somewhat positive, unless those little trolls out there are still messing with me like they have been the last two years

In my hunt for a job today, FedEx Office had two positions open at the same location.

About two miles from were I am living !!

This is finally a good sign or the above mentioned trolls poking at me...........

I have lost other positions I had applied for with them because if internals applying and getting them. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

[kayc]

Oh Brian, we'll keep our fingers crossed! That would be a great job, steady and with benefits!

[pinkpony]

the hospice grief councelor came to my house(oh what a blessing hov has been for me) & pretty much everything I'm feeling is normal & OK. I know I will be better in the end if I quit trying to run when my heart says stop & too soon & just deal w/ this. & I know part of my afraidness is I feel guilty if I move forward even though I had the blessing from my dh to move forward. at 44 I was not supposed to be a widow & a empty nester, I was supposed to spend the rest of my life w/ my dh, & now I have to learn to adjust.

[HAP]

Dear Pinkpony,

My line for this--it echos in my head several times a week--is i am too young to be a widower and too old to be a bachelor. I feel like a tweener too much of the time. Then the voice in my head says it is too early for me to really understand what that line means--and i put the idea back on the shelf and try to just keep living in the moments as they happen. Things will take care of themselves in the fullness of time.

The silences are painful, but they give us the opportunity to look at the puzzle that our lives have become if we let them. Not all silences are bad silences.

Really too tired to really make this make sense. Will try to explain more clearly when i am more awake.

Peace,

Harry

[pinkpony]

Harry you explained it perfect, I completely agree with you. Thank you for "getting it".

[azbrian]

Pinkpony and Harry I am glad you brought this up.

At 51 I feel the same way. When we had talked about things like this in the past Ruth I always said to move on with my life. She said don't wait too long to start rebuilding a new life. It's only been about 2 1/2 months for me and I have not set any kind of time table for this or really thought about it but your post made me think about it what Ruth said to me. I have no idea what "don't wait too long" is.

I know I am not ready for anyone new except as a friend. My top things to do are I have to find a job and then a place to live. Don't get me wrong my sister is great for letting me stay at her house. But this is another one of those "life pictures" for me at 51 I could never have imagined. I don't know how to explain it except I think it is one of those things for me to getting back to "normal" life.

And besides, who would want a 51 year old that just lost his wife, does not have a job and is living with his sister.

Okay, that just cracked me up and I laughed for the first time today.

[kayc]

And besides, who would want a 51 year old that just lost his wife, does not have a job and is living with his sister.

Okay, that just cracked me up and I laughed for the first time today.

Hey that sounds better than most of the men I know, LOL! That reminds me of something George said when we first knew each other...he'd tried to find someone to no avail and he said "Who wouldn't want a balding, fat man without any teeth?" He wasn't fat and his hair never bothered me, and I never minded if someone had dentures, both of my parents did in their 20s, but I thought it was funny that he could poke fun at himself in humor, not in a derisive way. It's great to keep a sense of humor, when all is said and done, sometimes that's all we have left!