Why Me...why Us........

[dave s]

I am writing down what i feel.....I did what i knew what was right for Mike and not right for me.........I never wanted Mike to suffer......but to have gone through that would have made this process easier.........in a sense, for me, my favorite uncle ron died at 53 from cancer that he suffered from for nearly 20 yrs this past oct.....when he died i said good for him........never thinking that mike would die just a few months later....and when i say all of this....i know the relationship I had with Mike was totally different than with uncle ron.......today i washed our bedding...i am splitting up Mikes ashes between myself and his sister who i think the world of!!!!!!..........it has only been 5 weeks and 2 days...................

why god did you do this.........never bought that adages sp? that god never gives you more than you can handle....i see all the beauty in my life and want to remeber Mike in a good light but damn am so tired of the sorrow......

[azbrian]

....i see all the beauty in my life and want to remeber Mike in a good light but damn am so tired of the sorrow.....

Dave that's right, keep on thinking of Mike that way. It might make you smile or laugh once in awhile.

[Guest Nicholas]

Dave,

All life is suffering and impermanent; we are all on a journey, however long or short it may be and all in a state of flux. We can try our best but none is impervious to life's changes. Eventually, when all desire and suffering are extinguished, we have reached Nirvana.

Nicholas

[nats]

Dave,

I pray you may find some comfort...here is quote that may give you a different outlook....

NATS

=================================

Don't cry because it's over.

Smile because it happened.

-- Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

[just one more hug]

NATS.......AMEN

[sunstreet]

Dear Dave,

I am so sorry for the exhaustion that accompanies the grieving process. I am sorry that at times we just don't think we will ever feel alright and that our pain may consume us. I so understand and relate. I validate your pain and sorrow and I want to encourage you that it is so early for you in this process and that bit by bit the pain will not weigh so heavy.

I encourage you to focus on your self-care at this time. Plenty of rest, drink water, limit your caffeine intake, eat something, even though it is the last thing you feel like doing get out for a wee little walk each day. Our bodies own endorphins are released through even the mildest of movement/exercise; and help us through this exhausting and at times turbulent path.

WE all walk alongside as you weather your loss.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[kayc]

Carol Ann is right, just taking a ten minute walk every day can cause us to feel better. Please keep in mind that the more we employ our senses, the better we are at being present in the moment and it can lift us...touch, sight, sound, smell, hearing. Someone mentioned engaging in an activity, whether you feel like it or not, for just five minutes...something you used to enjoy, and it gives us a chance to lift our spirits out of the past and future and brings us more fully into the moment.

I just learned that when you pet your dog or cat that it releases Seratonin in both of you that makes you feel good and it's like what occurs when a mother bonds with a baby, that's why so many of us think of our pets as our babies, we bond really close with them. Also, a dog treats his owner differently than anyone else, the way he looks into your face, he doesn't do that with other dogs even! They also say those of us who own dogs and interact with them regularly live longer and are happier for it.

The "whys"...all of us probably asked that for months maybe longer, but we didn't get an answer so we learned to stop asking why and instead "what now?" Some of us are probably still listening for the answer to "what now".

I also questioned the "God doesn't give us more than we can handle"...the fault I have with that, and yes I know it's in the Bible, is that it doesn't take into consideration the individual, how do others know what we can or can't handle! How come some people commit suicide if that's true? They didn't seem to be able to handle it! Maybe we can handle it and just don't go about it right, maybe we should reach out to others more or turn to God, who knows, but all I know is sometimes it just doesn't seem like we can bear it or handle it. Maybe that's a phase that if we let ourselves get through we'd find we'd do better with it later on, who knows. But I know of no pain like grief so excruciating, so seemingly unbearable! I do know it eventually seems to be more bearable with time. However, when the dust settles, we are left with a seeming lack of purpose and joy that some people seem to eventually discover and some do not. I know it might take a huge embarking on to discover that new purpose, to find our new normal, and I know it takes effort to recognize joy...something we have to work at daily. The truth is sometimes we don't WANT to have to work at it, we want it to come effortlessly and naturally...as it did before we lost our loved one. But one thing I have discovered is there are some silver linings...not big ones maybe, but there all the same, and one of those silver linings is the development of US. There is a whole lot that changes within us as a result of this experience, a deepening of our character, we develop a greater sense of empathy, we learn, we may come to find a higher purpose with time, we learn greater appreciation and appreciate the moment in a greater way.