mfh Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 I know that sickness, exhaustion and tears all go together after the huge loss of my precious Bill. I have now been in the house for close to two weeks (with a couple of exceptions last week when I pushed myself) and am now dealing with pneumonia. Breathing is work right now, coughing rips at my chest muscles in spite of a $70 bottle of cough medicine. I know that being alone so much has fed my sadness. I just sent an email to 8 people who have reached out these days and more so I feel blessed that way and less alone. But feeling exhausted and sick is not my old normal (before Bill was sick) but seems to be my new normal. I was doing ok when the phone woke me from a two hour sleep. It was a friend calling to see if I had dinner and offering to bring me something. I burst into tears after I hung up...I just miss Bill so very much. It feels so strange to have people taking care of me. I appreciate it but so want my old normal where Bill would be making me tea, bringing me flowers and holding my hand or better yet..I would not even be sick. Somehow all these people who are so kind also make me miss Bill even more if that is possible. I also got a call today from a local group I give free ads to as they start their new art center offering me a scholarship to a mixed media 3 days workshop in August in appreciation for the free advertising and space in my publication. I felt overwhelmed and grateful but again sad. How I wish Bill was here to share my adventure into the world of art. At the same time...a part of me does not care about any of this...the art...the kind people...I just want my old normal...our quiet simple music filled intimate life. I have had more bounts of sickness, a bad fall in October that I still deal with, and a car accident in the last 15 months than in my entire lifetime. I am just so tired and worn out and sad. I try to slow down, balance alone time with out there time and yet I know this is a path I must walk alone in so many ways. Thanks for listening...again and again. You are such a significant group for me. Peace to your hearts, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
west Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Take care of yourself and accept the kindness of those who care about you. This wave of grief will pass and so too will you get the energy to deal with the rest of your life. it is not easy to feel alone and sad and to be sick on top of it, but your husband would want you to fight and to stay active. I know you will be able to do it...not an easy journey, not a path we have chosen, but one we will hike on and when we reach the top we will be proud of ourselves for not giving up. God bless and feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Oh Mary, I'm sorry to hear it's Pneumonia, that is so hard to go through (I've had it). Maybe you could take your phone off the sleep while you nap. Or put the ringer on silent. I didn't sleep the last couple of nights and tried to nap today...got woke up, of course. It's times like this that we really miss our spouse. I will be praying for your strength to return and your medicine to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Dear Mary, I know how you feel. I have not had sickness and health problems my whole life, as much as I have had in the last 5 months after Pauline Passed. I miss her so much. We were one, like one soul, one spirit. I pray I am at the end of my heath issues after Monday. I pray every day for your health to come back even stronger than before. Pneumonia is tough to get through. Pauline had it a couple time over the last 8 years. I hope you have seen the doctor and are on the right medication. You have been a rock here for me. I hope you know that. Drink plenty of fluids and keep eating what you can. I know it is very hard with out Bill. You can do it, never give up or give in to the grief. I wish I could be there to take care of you, and get your health back. God Bless Mary, may he give you comfort and keep you strong and give you better health. Your Friend Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nicholas Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Dear Mary, So sorry to hear you haven't been well. Feel free to email me anytime. Take care Nicholas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melina Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Mary, I hope you feel better soon. Sorry you have to go through this. But it's good to know you have friends who can help. It's hard, I know. Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Mary, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know when you aren't feeling well, it's hard to find the strength to deal with all these emotions. I hope you are feeling better soon! Hugs, Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Dear Mary, Rest. Eat well. Drink well. And listen to what the doctor tells you to do. Pneumonia is no fun under the best of circumstances. Hang in there. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 I am feeling somewhat better tonight but still going in for a shot tomorrow to make sure I do not go backwards. Very weak but getting there. I might be off line a lot this next 4 days. My computer is going to the hospital for a tune up between pubication issues. I have an old desk top and will see if I can get on line with it. It has been sitting there for a long time. Thank you for all your support. Drinking lots of fluids, walking around the house to help keep my spaghetti legs strong and on my back back. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Mary, I hope the shot helps, you're doing the right things, please keep trying to rest it's what you need the most right now, we'll be here praying for you, dear lady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Mary, I wish you well, being sick on top of this journey must be indeed challenging, keep us updated as you can regarding how you are doing....I pray you are well soon... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Mary, I hope that this finds you are doing better today. I know how frustrating it is when your computer isn't working right. I have been having problems with mine from time to time. After I feel better from surgery I plan to do a total re image on my computer. It will take me a day or two to get it back just like it came out of the box an then install all my software and data back on. Once I am done it will be running like brand new again. I wish you the best. I pray for you every day to get well and stay healthy. God Bless, your friend Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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