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[sharrrina]

Im having such a hard time dealing. She just died yesterday morning. I cant even describe every emotion thats taking place. I wanted to say so much, I didn't get a chance to. I wanted to tell her Im sorry for not being the best friend I should have been.She was the warmest, kindest person I think Ive ever known, she gave so much to me. She was always there even in her illness.(copd)

I feel I cant cope, it hurts too much. I want to isolate and not get close to anyone so I wont feel like this ever again.

Ive been dealing with depression the past few years and Ive isolated myself alot this past year. I feel like I deserve this pain. Its my punishment for being selfish at times and just wanting to lay on my couch and close the world away.

Im hating life right now and feeling like its one big joke. Give to us then take them away.

Im sorry if Im not making sense. I guess this is my futile cry for help so I dont sink further away from society and life.

I miss her so much.

[kayc]

Oh Dear, don't be so hard on yourself, you're not being punished, life happens and death happens and it's us unlucky ones that are left to face it...this is so fresh and hard to swallow...cry, rail, rant, vent, whatever helps you get it out, we understand and we care.

[ustwo]

Sharrrina, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband had to leave in June of this year. This grief journey is hard. I've gone through emotions that I never knew existed and new ones still come up. It all changes from moment to moment. People at this site have saved my sanity. Your words make sense. I've felt it...I still feel it.

You be as tender to yourself as your loved one would have been for you. It is all so fresh and I know how the first days were, the first week, the first month...and it goes on and on.

Cry, vent, scream, write...someone here is always listening and we all understand.

Always Gene!

Always!

[spela]

I'm sorry for your loss. You should know it is NOT a punishment. People die, some die young, they die even though they "shouldn't" because we love them. You have every right to say that it's not fair. But try to think the other way too, about how lucky you are to have had her in your life. Keep writing here, we understand.