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The Kick Of Depression !


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Very simple. What to do when the bubble of depression strikes us unexpectedly yet again?

It's inevitable honestly. Whether we have medication or comfort, grief gives us bad gloomy days on a perfect sunny day or it shows us a light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel like a slug lately. I shall dub the bed my safe zone. I can sleep all day and work through actor auditions from my phone. I stopped caring for myself. After days of 'hiding', I forced myself out of bed early in the morning. I seem more productive today. But off to a little babble.

My disability is over and I resigned from work. Christmas is near & my shopping addiction has a good excuse!

I guess what I'm trying to say amongst my rambling - How do we maintain depression? It's not a disease as some might say. It's not an excuse as the iggnorant might say. It's not a lifestyle as the foolish might say. I define it as a layer that coats your body. A heavy burden you unknowingly fight to keep a bliss filled state of mind. Psychiatrists refer to it as manic depression. A severe mental disease. I disagree. It's a state of emotion with a ongoing trigger.

But I hope everyone is doing well ~

ps. I keep giving the homeless I come across money. A new face all the time. Whether I'm in different areas or near home - it simply breaks my heart. Even if I'm short of cash and I know saving it would be wiser, I still can't help it. A friend of mine once told me, 'I always have this hope that one of them might be secretly an angel.' Oddly enough, her comment stuck around my mind since then. Many, many years ago. It's not a religious stand point really, but I assume more of a innocent idea regarding hope.

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Dear Stacy,

Very well said, I have never been in that deep dark place of depression. Maybe I was after Pauline passed, it was more about not being able to sleep. For the last 5-6 years before she passed, I had became such a light sleeper, that every time she move, I would wake up. Before that I could sleep through anything. Then the final months came, and it was like is was sleeping with one eye open all the time. Pauline appreciated it so much, that I loved so deeply, whatever time it was she knew I was there for her. But after I was fine for 2 weeks nothing changed. I slept in the same bed, on her sheep skin, the I got sick. The Doctors done all kinds of blood work, urine, stool, and could fine nothing, but yet I could not sleep, fever low grade, food went right though me. I may as well just put it in the toilet first, because it did not stay in me for very long. Then I had an accident, my fault. I called my to Doctors and unemployment, I was on the insurance by noon, and the next 2 days had seen both doctors, they put me on Med's. As I look back now I wonder If I had C- DIFF back then a mild case, because my hand, and body shook, just like when I got sick both times with C-DIFF, but I was really never depressed, sad yes, crying yes, lonely no, afraid to be alone in our home no, I did have, and still do have a big hole in my heart. Where I keep the pain from the passing of Pauline, but yet, I give from my heart to others in need. To lift them up, that there is life again after we loose the love of our life, not to carry the burden of the finality of the end. Because that is not what they want from us. They want us to live as normal and as happy life as we can. It takes time, I know that, but you, and I have the one thing in common, that is the drive of life. Even in you darkest hour you were still working by phone. When I was sick in bed I was still on the phone finding a place for our hospice support grief meeting. That drive for life is what will make us move forwards and succeed in life. Keep moving forward Stacy you are a good soul, a kind, heart.

God Bless

Dwayne

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Ahh...answers about depression, that is the million dollar question! It's something we all battle. There's clinical depression and there's situational depression...that is how I'd define the one linked to grief. But how DO you get your motivation back? How DO you triumph over depression?

I don't think there's an easy answer, some miracle you can try on. I have learned it's a daily thing...we have choices...we can choose to give in to it, or to try and fight it...and it's the fighting it that's hard. It's the getting up and going to work when you don't feel like it. It's getting out and seeing people when you'd just as soon hole up in the sanctuary of your home. It's the doing things you used to enjoy, regardless of whether or not you feel like it. It's the saying no to alcohol and drugs. And it just might mean a trip to the doctor to see if you'd benefit from a Rx or counseling. And it's giving that a chance. I can't say as I'm depressed, but I have had to fight it from time to time. It'd be so easy to just give in to it, but I can't. To me, that'd be like giving up on life. I'm me, I only have this time to live, so I have to try. Sometimes I wonder if there's any purpose to it. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I'm scared, lonely, sad, but I can't give up. Fighting depression when you can't change what you'd like to about your situation (your loved one is dead no matter how much positive thinking you muster!) seems to be an ongoing battle, but we can win, one day at a time.

Stacyines,

Your care for the homeless is commendable! For me it's hard to differentiate between who truly needs help and who has chosen to to be where they are...perhaps they all need a hand up but I don't know if handing them $ is that hand or not. I like the idea of soup kitchens, Habitat for Humanity, warming centers, and any place that offers assistance to the homeless, maybe a computer to check their email or job leads, a place to do laundry, etc. Anything that helps them exist with a thought towards their future. Gosh, any of us could be there, it doesn't take much nowadays to fall into that slippery slope...

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Very simply stated. My term "situational depression" was a term my doctor ascribed to my situation years ago...it differs from a chemical imbalance which continues to need treatment. I was treated for a few years and then weaned off of my medication. By the same token, I did not use medication that permanently alters the brain, because I knew as my situation changed, I would no longer need it. Following George's death, I chose not to go back on medication as I knew it was situational...whether that was the most wise decision or not, I cannot say. It could be I might have benefited from an aid. We cannot always choose our circumstances and life does throw curves at us unbidden...during those times it can be a real challenge to not succumb to it. By the same token, we should not be surprised if we find ourselves feeling depressed if and when those curves are super tough. I imagine there are many of us who wanted, albeit temporarily, to give up on life, felt suicidal, and were more than "sad", yet that doesn't mean we are clinically depressed nor do we have a chemical imbalance. It is still a good idea to talk to a doctor and see if there is a medication that would be of benefit or counseling that would help. Sometimes the worst thing we can do is ride it out alone, not seeking help, and isolating ourselves when we might benefit from treatment.

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