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Most of you won't remember me. I haven't been on this site in over a year. The grief, not mine, but everyone else's, was too much for me to take. I was going through a very bad time when the second anniversary of Stephen's death came along. My beloved husband died, after a very wonderful thirty year marriage, at home, in his bed and in my arms. Like most of you, I had to remind myself to breathe, and I believe that I cried continuously, 24X7 for months and months. There were only two things that helped at all: 1. I came here and sometimes posted, but mostly just read amid this sea of grief. We kept each other going, and it seems that it still works that way. 2. I read a post by Margo Mayhew (www.boomayhew.blogspot.com) Margo's husband died the exact day that Stephen did, and I marveled that she could put into words EXACTLY what I was feeling. I didn't know where her strength to write about the horrible details of it all came from. I still don't know how she is still doing it. But, her personal strength kept me going. I remember her words, she figured that anything her husband, Cliff, "fought so hard to keep, must be worth fighting for." So she stayed alive, kept me alive, and continues to fight.

My husband, Stephen, was very ill for three years before he died. In order to get up every day, he decided that we needed a purpose, and that was that we should write. I was not brave enough to write about was really going on, so we wrote fiction. We wrote about a future when genetic scientists had created a world where no one ever died. As we neared finishing the first novel, superstitiously, I could not bring myself to write the words, "The End," so I got Stephen to start another story. By the time he died, we had five novels in various stages of completion sitting in our computer. After Stephen died, it took almost a year before I could even look at what we had written. But his sister gave me a good kick in the butt, and I finally finished one of the novels, MALIGNED. It was picked up by The Martin Sister's Publishing and is now available on Amazon.com and in E-book formats. (One down, four to go). My own site is www.kathleenpapajohn.com. I have posted the first chapters of a couple of other books we started there, too. I hope you'll give MALIGNED a read, or tell someone who likes a dystopian novel with a lot of thrills, action and a little romance thrown in.

God bless everyone on this site and in this very sad club that no one chooses to join.. My heart goes out to you all.

Kathleen Papajohn, Stephen's widow

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Of course I remember you, and it's good to hear from you again! Congratulations on your book, and many more to come! :)

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Although I don't know you I would like to congratulate you on the success of your writing and more to come.

It is through my journey along with my husband's diagnosis of melanoma that I too funneled my grief in writing. I read to him everything I posted on my blog up until he passed. I hope this helped him realize just how much he meant to me as denial in the possibility of one's life ending is a powerful emotion. I also hope as time passes our blended family will go back and re-read our journey together with nothing but love as it was meant to be. I know I will be forever grateful that I kept this journal as my heart passes through all the first anniversaries together and time fogs my mirror.

I love this site for it's active members who reach out when we need to vent or just hear a caring voice on the other end. Again... Good luck to and peace.



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