Can't Stand The Pain

[debr88]

Hi my name is Deb....I'm new to this web site,I joined in hopes that it could help me through this horrible grief. My fiance,Steve lost his 6 month battle with brain cancer on Friday Oct.21st one week after his 51st birthday. His funeral was yesterday.I miss him so much....I can't take this agonizing pain.I'm not sure what to do with myself.I can't seem to function anymore.

[WaltC]

Hi my name is Deb....I can't take this agonizing pain.I'm not sure what to do with myself.I can't seem to function anymore.

Hello Deb - I am so very sorry to read of your terrible loss.

My wife Jean died from liver cancer on April 13th, two days after her 59th birthday. I can understand the severe pain of loss that you are experiencing right now. All you can do is take one breath at a time, then one hour at a time, one day and then one week.

I can hardly recall how I functioned at all in the first few weeks of my loss, but I did find some good support here and at other sites also.

Reading a few good articles and books also helped. Here's one site that helped me:

Free Articles for Mourners

The best book that I have read so far is Alan Wolfelt's Healing A Spouse's Grieving Heart

If you would like to know of some other on-line sites that I have found useful, just reply to this message and I can provide some links.

Take care of yourself and remember when Steve died part of you died too, but also because you live on part of him lives on also.

Kindest regards

[Charlie]

Dear Deb,

I feel your pain. I lost my beloved husband 1 year ago on Oct 20, 2004 and the first couple of weeks you are so numb you can't believe what has just happened to your life. We are here for you, all of us on this site have lost a loved one and know what that agonizing pain really is. It will get easier to bear the months ahead but only you can know your own personal pain. Like Waltc has said, take one breath at a time, one hour, one day and with each breath you will get thru this. I am so sorry that you had to come to this site, like all of us here, none of us want to be here, but we are here for each other to help ease some of this horrible pain that is sometimes so unbearable.

Many times I came here in so much pain I thought I would not get thru the day, but the great people who visit and post here are so caring and kind, you are not alone. We are here for you.

Hugs to you,

Grace

ONLY YOU

7/1/38 -10/20/04

[debr88]

Dear Walt and Charlie,

Thank you so much for your responses,I clicked on free articles for mourners,and found some of the tips very helpful,I also ordered Alan Wolfelt's book.I would appreciate links to any other sites that you found helpful.Like you said Walt,I will take one breath,one hour and one day at a time in hopes that this emptiness,numbness and agony dulls with time.It's a relief to me to know that I'm not going crazy.. that you both had the same feelings of not being able to function, the numbness and disbelief.I wanted to ask also.....how long did it you to go through your loved ones clothes?I feel like throwing them out is like throwing out a memory of him.How long before you went back to their gravesite?My 8 year old son (his stepson) wants me to take him there.....but it's too painful for me right now.He died one week ago today.....it seems like yesterday.

Deb

[WaltC]

Hello again Deb,

I am sorry to meet you here, but I am glad that you came back.

Here are a few sites that I found helpful:

Grief Links:

Good chatrooms

Useful to me

Another one

And another

More Articles

Fortunately for me I did not have to go through my wife's clothes - our 40 year old daughter looked after that for me - otherwise the clothes would probably still be there in the closet and bureaus. Nothing was thrown out. Jean's sisters were the same size so they got anything that was good (some was new from Christmas). Anything that they didn't want was taken to a local charity and her nightgowns were given to the local Hospice unit where she spent her last weeks on earth. I have lots of pictures and her beanie babies for memories so I didn't need any of the clothing.

I went to the gravesite and talked with Jeannie every dayfor the first two months. Now it's only every other day. You may not be crazy, but I probably am. But I am retired and need to spend more time with her.

It will take some time Deb - just don't let anyone rush you to "move on" too soon. We have to go through the hard work of grief, we can't go around it.

Take care of yourself and please let me know if any of these sites help.

[ustwo]

debr88,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You will find plenty of support here. This journey we share is the most pain I have ever had.

I lost my Gene, the light of my life, on June 11 this year. I'm not really sure when I came out from the "fog" of insanity. And there are lots of days I'm not sure of much of anything. I still have problems functioning, making decisions, just wanting to breathe. I have learned that it's ok no matter what you feel. I've learned that this grief journey is different for each of us and it's ok. I've learned it's up and down from moment to moment.

debr88, be kind to yourself, gentle with yourself. Do what you need to do at your own time. Don't let anyone tell you when you should be ready to do anything. I nearly made a big mistake..selling my home...before I realized I could not do it. I was running from the pain. All that matters now is what you need to do and if that's nothing that's fine. You'll find here at this site we all know what you are feeling and we are here to listen and share.

I look at each day the same....one day closer to being with Gene again.

Always Gene!

Always!

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss...your husband was the same age as mine...I had no warning, it was a shock...heart attack.

You will find plenty of support here, people who have been through it, people who care. We are here to help you through this.