A Place In Heaven?

[WaltC]

A Place In Heaven

Lord is there a place in Heaven

For a lonely man like me?

One with a weary heart and soul,

And one who longs to be with Thee?

One with so much sadness,

One who has so little worth left in life,

One who is left here all alone,

And one who can not bear the strife?

I've searched my mind for answers.

I've searched the sky above.

I've looked across the rolling sea.

But, no where can I find my love.

My futile way of trying

Has taken a toll on me.

Let me come to Heaven, Lord,

So again my love and I can be.

You joined us on our wedding day,

That day we became as one.

But now, in life there is little left

To compensate for what death has done.

Oh Lord, how much longer do I have

To keep up this charade,

Of pretending that I'm happy

As I pass through this dark glade?

I know You have the answer, Lord,

To all these questions that I ask.

Let me and my love be together again.

Then with You, in Heavens beauty, we may bask.

Leslie M. Willson, Sr. ©

[Dester]

Walt,

That is a moving poem, but is not a good idea. There is hope and there can be happiness and comfort and love again. You may not feel this way right now and may even get angry at the mention, but there may even be another love for you. Your wife would have wanted you to be happy and live out your days contentedly.

I once thought that if I couldn't have my husband I would rather not live and in time I have moved way beyond that. I know now that I can live a good life and there is beauty and hope. You will too if you give it enough time. Isolation is your worse enemy right now. When I was in San Diego I went to a Hospice walking group and what a great group of folks it was! They were mostly men and women who had lost their beloved spouses. They walked a few miles every Saturday morning at the bay and helped each other through the difficult times. My hope for you is that you find an outlet and a place to go to share your grief and meet people.

Hugs to you Walt,

Donna

[WaltC]

Donna - thank you so much for the hugs and thoughts

You are absolutely right about most of your comments, but I have to disagree about another love possibility. Jean and I were together since High School and very happily married for over 40 years.

Since I am not even open to the thought of ever getting close to another person the chances of that happening are quite slim.

You are correct when you write:"Your wife would have wanted you to be happy and live out your days contentedly." But, I don't have to find another love to be content. I know that you are not saying that is necessary either. The concept of Happy seems quite foreign at this point in time, but I agree that it is possible.

Yes, I do get "angry" at the mention of another love because, for me, Love is Forever. I do NOT mean any disrespect for others who have a different point of view. We are all different, there is no right or wrong answer in my opinion. (As long as we don't harm others with our actions.)

I found that poem to be moving for me. I did hesitate to post it here lest it cause some readers to get more depressed. However, it's also good sometimes to know that one is not alone in their feelings. Responses from caring people like yourself may help them too.

Donna, I am sincerely happy for yoy that you have been able to move beyond your initial grief and have found a good life. I have been attending some Group Grief meetings and they are somewhat helpful. I will survive with the help of caring people like yourself IF I let them help and don't turn them off with a lot of "yes, buts".

Thanks again for your response

[GiFer]

Hello WaltC,

I cried when I read the poem you sent us.

You have been an inspiration to me. Through your poems and songs and love for us I have recovered myself.

Please, keep on fighting to be ok because then you keep on being our inspiration.

I want you to know you are very important to us here in this site.

Thank you for being so strong and beautiful.

Lots of love,

Gisela

[WaltC]

Thanks for your encouragement Gisela

I keep trying because I know that Jeannie wants me to and because of the appreciative folk here.

Kindest Regards.

[ustwo]

WaltC.......I understand the poem. It speaks what my heart feels everyday.

One day closer to Jean and Gene for you and me.

Always Gene!

Always!

[debr88]

Dear Walt,

Today has been extremely difficult for me....I came on here and read the poem you posted...I am feeling the same way....wondering if life is worth living without Steve.He is all I've been thinking about. I have a voice mail from him that I saved on my cell phone.I listen to it over and over...just so I can remember the sound of his voice.......him saying that he loves me....I am lost without my love.I don't want to bother friends and family with my feelings.I don't want to bring my sadness into their lives.So I come here because I know everyone here has experienced the same type of loss,pain,and agony that I am going through.I know Steve would not want me like this....I know he would want me to carry on for our 8 month old daughter.She is going to need to know what a good man her daddy was and how much he loved her.Walt,I think Jeannie would want you to carry on too....I think we were left behind for a reason.To keep our love ones alive with the love and memories we have of them,and to help others with their pain.Walt, you have been a tremendous help to me,from the websites to help me to your kinds words....I want to thank you Walt for being here.....

Deb

[WaltC]

Hi Deb - thanks for your compliment

Today has also been a tough one for me. It was a beautiful, warm sunny day. My adult son and I visited Jeannie's grave and had our regular chat with her. (People would think that we are both crazy, but lately I don't really care what some people think.) We decided to take a drive in the countryside where Jeannie loved to visit. It was beautiful, but brought back so many memories that we both ended up in tears. Why do good memories bring tears???

I am glad that you have that voice mail from Steve - it must be quite a comfort to you.

I also don't want to bother friends and family with my grief. They wish us well but really don't know what to say to help. To be truthful, I don't know what they could say, other than they understand my loss. That's why I find this place to be so helpful to me.

I really don't know why we were left behind, but if we can help someone else by sharing maybe that's why. As this poem says; "When we share our problems there's half the pain...what draws us closer and makes us all care, is not what we have, but things we share"

Sharing

Thanks for sharing Deb - take care.

[Charlie]

Let me add my thank you's to Waltc also. Your post help us all to get thru this agony we all share. Sharing is what we are all doing, sharing our grief so it is not so painfull all alone on this journey. None of us want to be here, but if we have to then being here for each other on the bad days, and there are many, helps us to cope.

Deb, I too have a voice from the grave that I play over an over in my car. We have on the visor a small recorder that you can leave short messages on. A few weeks before he died, my charlie reached over as I was driving and spoke into it. He said "Grace, I love you, bye" I think he knew it would bring comfort to me, thats why he did it then. When I am driving and feeling especially lonely and sad I press that recorder and listen to his voice. I know he is with me at that moment and it gives me peace.

Grace

ONLY YOU

7/1/38 -10/20/04

[WaltC]

Let's hope that November brings us happy memories of our loved ones who have physically gone ahead of us.

Remembering Her

[kayc]

Walt,

Your poem is beautiful. I disagree that it "is not a good idea"...it is always a good idea to share our feelings and not bottle them up, besides, there are a lot of people that can relate to it. As to whether there is hope for another love or not, that is going to vary with everyone, there is no right or wrong way to do this, only our own way. To all who find their way, I wish them the best. To those of us who remain here without our loved ones, I wish for each of us to find whatever good or wonder there is in life, that is how our loved one would have wanted it. I pray there will be enough good to counteract some of the sadness and enough friends to counteract some of the aloneness. You have been wonderful with all of us and I especially wish you the best in your future.

KayC

[Dester]

Walt,

There are those who may not get what I meant when I said "it" was not a good idea.....what I meant was that dying just to join your deceased spouse was not a good idea. And if you were/are contemplating such you need to be communicating with someone other than these boards, like a counselor or your doctor. There are many people who actually commit suicide when a child or spouse dies because they can't cope with the grief. I had a close friend that did that and one that wanted to when her child died. She was convinced that it would be better to "join" her whereever her dead daughter was than go on in the agony she was in. Beautiful poem or not, it looked more like a red flag from my perspective. I suppose there are just as many opinions as there are body parts. My post to you was out of genuine concern for you. My hope for you is that you have more good days than bad days in the coming months.

Donna

[kayc]

I wanted to add...I don't think it's appropriate to tell people they will find someone else...it is like it is not validating their current feelings of loss, and none of us can know if they will or won't or how they will choose to go through it. It is up to each of us to chart our own course and to support all of the others going through their losses, no matter how they choose to do it. Life does hold beautiful moments ahead for all of us, but it may take some of us a long time to embrace those moments. Time is a relative term for me any more...it is sometimes fast, sometimes slow. I love and appreciate each of you that post your feelilngs on here, they are raw and vulnerable, and I know it takes a lot to expose ourselves to others, especially when we're hurting so much.